I totally feel your pain, man. I'm there, too.
It's soooo easy to play with sweetness and light in my cave, picking fiddle tunes along with a backing track... or even jamming with a few friends. I'll listen back and think, hey, that was pretty good.
But when we gig (and we really don't gig often...), I'm a mess. It gets loud, and you try harder, and try to play louder, and you can't hear yourself, and the cortisol kicks in, and there are 1000 places I'd rather be!
Played the other night and it all felt like I had to play really loud (couldn't really hear ourselves well in the monitor), and it just felt like everything was out of tune, and my fingers were moving at half speed, and my picking hand was stiff as a corpse. Ugh.
I still haven't figured out the secret. Someone above mentioned propranolol, which kinda helps the butterflies, but oftentimes the hands move in direct relation to the feedback my ears are getting. And it breaks down from there.
I totally thought my strings were crappy, and in need of changing. I thought, yeah, get some new strings on there, and it'll sound good again! But I played a little bit the next day, just me, and the mandolin sounded great. Not like the buzzy, out-of-tune barbarian it was acting like the night before!
Practice to me sometimes feels like the golf driving range. It's never a real indication of how the actual round will go! But I love to practice, because it sounds good DURING the practice.
Anyway, no real help there, except to say misery loves company.
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