How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's better if you keep them in the dark.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's better if you keep them in the dark.
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How can you tell if there's a ceili band at the door? They knock three times and all come in together ...
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2009 Giannini GBSM3 bandolim
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Two banjo players walked into a bar, the mandolin player ducked......
ntriesch
In the summer of 1977 I was sitting with some friends on the grass outside a pub. It was called the Ferry boat in Cambridgeshire but that’s not a joke. And Tom arrived and he looked serious. I said what’s wrong? He said John’s just bought an electric guitar.
Great! we all shouted together.
Tom said, it would be great but, well I mean he loves it, and he goes completely manic, crazy on stage all over the place, but the problem is it’s a Gibson.
We said we were really sorry about that, and then there was an awkward silence. Then someone said, well why did you tell us he bought a guitar then? Getting our hopes up like that.
Another long silence and we drank our beer in a sort of melancholy way.
Then someone else asked, well when he plays, what does it sound like?
Tom grimaced, hesitated and said it’s shameless. It sounds like two monkeys screaming and howling and wrestling with each other, falling over trying to have sex. He plays with a Gibbon, get it?
(True story)
So the piano player says to the singer ‘tonight during girl from ipananema I want you to start in G. And the 4 bars in you modulate to F#. Then at the chorus modulate to Ab minor and sing it in 5/4. The go to G# and sing the second verse in 6/8. Finally for the last verse and chorus I want you to sing it in 7/8 and in the key of A major and C#minor swapping bar to bar.
The singer says ‘I can’t do that!’
The pianist says ‘dunno why. That’s what you did last night... ‘
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What was the last thing the drummer said before he got fired from the band?
'I've written this song, and I think we should do it.'
Ha! Good one. I've seen the reverse too, where the piano player keeps randomly changing the timing/rhythm for no reason, and the poor singers have to scramble to try to keep up. I've even seen several instances of a piano player doing unexpected middle-of-the-song key changes just to be cool, without bothering to first inform the singers (who are reading from sheet music and aren't accustomed to just winging it without practicing beforehand).
What is the difference between a banjo player and god?
God doesn't think he's a banjo player.
2003 John Sullivan F5 "Roy"
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Love this thread...
How do you know if the stage is level?
The drummer's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
(Told to me by one of my favorite drummers.
A bass player and a banjo player have been friends for a long time and want to start a band. They put out an ad but only get one reply. This guy walks in for the audition and says he’s a pianist. A what? says the banjo player. The pianist explains for about an hour and then the bass player says gotcha, but what can you do? The pianist holds up his fine long fingered hands and says with the left hand I can play everything you can play but better, with the right hand I can play everything the banjo player can play but better.
And you can forgot about singing. I’ll be doing that.
Banjo player and the fiddler in a bluegrass band are having a real nasty argument, the band leader interupts and asks what the problem is, the banjo player points at the fiddler and says it's his fault, he de-tuned one of my strings and won't tell me which one.
Dave H
Eastman 615 mandola
2011 Weber Bitteroot A5
2012 Weber Bitteroot F5
Eastman MD 915V
Gibson F9
2016 Capek ' Bob ' standard scale tenor banjo
Ibanez Artist 5 string
2001 Paul Shippey oval hole
Did you hear the one about the Bluegrass band that did so well they were able to quit their day jobs?
...yeah no one else has either.
No matter where I go, there I am...Unless I'm running a little late.
Did you hear the one about the grunge band that finally realized they were so bad they would have to get a day job?
...yeah no one else has either.
No matter where I go, there I am...Unless I'm running a little late.
Banjo player and a fiddler are having an argument.
The fiddler says he can’t stand it because the banjo player plays all the time.
Banjo player says, No! It’s you who plays all the time!
I only play 8 times a measure!
Last edited by Simon DS; Jun-25-2019 at 8:09am.
The new management team of an extremely big guitar manufacturing company are all sitting around a table on a yacht in the Bahamas, laughing. This friendly sort of guy arrives on a boat and an executive says, ‘come over and sit down. We have a proposition for you’.
The friendly guy’s a bit nervous and says, ‘What are we talking about?’
‘A big bundle of money, be very famous and have everyone talk about you every day of the week. How does that sound to you?’
The friendly guy says, ‘why that sounds pretty sweet, what do I have to do?
The executives continue laughing and one of them says, ‘you do a video where you make outrageous subjective claims about American Music History. You post the video and then just 2 or 3 days later you delete the video.’
The guy replies, ‘is that it? That’s all? Is this some kind of joke?’
Now the executives are rolling over laughing, ‘I guess it is!’
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
And a sort of riff on one that's probably already been posted:
How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
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Miscellaneous tingums
A lot of my favorites are already on here, but:
Why do singers make such terrible roommates?
They can never find the key and they don't know when they're supposed to come in anyway.
Throw a guitarist and a mandolinist off a cliff, who hits the ground first?
The guitarist, the mandolin player has to stop halfway through and tune
What chord do you get when you drop a piano into a hole in the ground?
A flat miner
A C, an E-flat and a G walk into the bar, the bartender says, "get outta here, we don't serve minors."
Did you hear about the operatic soprano who became a pirate?
She was the scourge of the high Cs
John Cage walks into a bar...
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If I call my guitar my "axe," does that mean my mandolin is my hatchet?
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What did the trombone player say at his first gig?
"Do you want fries with that?"
Did you hear the one about the bass player who tried to commit suicide because he couldn't keep time? Yep, threw himself behind a train.
What do you call 5 bodhrans on the bottom of the sea ? a good start.
Dave H
Eastman 615 mandola
2011 Weber Bitteroot A5
2012 Weber Bitteroot F5
Eastman MD 915V
Gibson F9
2016 Capek ' Bob ' standard scale tenor banjo
Ibanez Artist 5 string
2001 Paul Shippey oval hole
Haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this one was already shared.
Question: What's the difference between a dog lying dead in the road and a banjo player lying dead in the road?
Answer: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q, what is the difference between a 5 string banjo and a trampoline ?
A, you take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.
Q. what is the difference between a 5 string banjo and a Harley-Davidson ?
A. you can tune a Harley-Davidson.
Dave H
Eastman 615 mandola
2011 Weber Bitteroot A5
2012 Weber Bitteroot F5
Eastman MD 915V
Gibson F9
2016 Capek ' Bob ' standard scale tenor banjo
Ibanez Artist 5 string
2001 Paul Shippey oval hole
We're at the point of repeating now.
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