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Thread: Musician Jokes

  1. #201
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Just got my results! No worries! Sharing the good news ...

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  3. #202
    Oval holes are cool David Lewis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Simon DS View Post
    Corona Virus joke.

    https://youtu.be/7yJrsY9elgo
    alas, it's private, meaning I can't see it...
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  5. #203
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Sorry David, I had thought leave it for a hundred views and if noone ‘likes’ then I’ll know that jokes are too early. but now, fair game!
    Last edited by Simon DS; Mar-18-2020 at 2:28am.

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  7. #204
    Registered User Randi Gormley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    here's a new one a friendly guitar player posted: Seattle just banned all live musical performances for 30 days! This cancels over 1,246 gigs affecting 320 working musicians with a total income loss of $426.75.
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  9. #205
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Doing their part to stop the hoarding.

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  11. #206
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    My birthday today, got a great joke book as a present from my daughter, Plato and Platypus Walk Into a Bar’ by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein.
    -Philosophy as a joke.
    So I thought I’d share one:


    A man walks into a pet store and asks to see the parrots. The store owner shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor.

    ‘This one is $5000 and the other is $10,000,’ he says.
    ‘Well’ says the man, ‘what does the $5000 one do?’
    This parrot can sing every Aria Mozart wrote, says The store owner.
    ‘And the other?’
    ‘He sings Wagner’s entire Ring cycle.’

    ‘And there is another parrot outback, for $30,000.
    ‘Holy moly!’ What does he do?’
    ‘Nothing that I've heard, but the other two parrots call him “Maestro”.’

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  13. #207
    Professional Dreamer journeybear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Jokes of this nature depend on assumptions and prejudices - that is, previously stated commentaries commonly held to be humorous. I say that because if you don't understand that, you might not get this joke. I'm not sure it really is a joke, but more a wry comment.

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  14. #208

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Used to play at nursing homes. One lady had a terrible cold. When we left the fiddle player said "I sure hope you get better." She said "I hope you do too."

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  16. #209

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    True story. A guy was at a festival Bill Monroe was at. He caught up with Bill and asked if he could play his mandolin for Bill to see what he thought. He played a song and Bill said "Let me see that mandolin. Bill played a tune and handed the mandolin back to the guy and said, "Well, it's not the mandolin."

  17. #210
    I really look like that soliver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The local police were called to a domestic disturbance and find that a woman who turns out to be the wife of an avid guitar collector has used her husband's guitars as weapons and beaten her husband unconscious and destroyed several valuable guitars in the process.

    The woman is arrested and detained overnight to await a quick trial and sentencing in front of a judge in the morning.

    In the morning the woman faces the judge and after a brief discussion with both lawyers, the judge asks her "First Offender?"
    She looks at the judge and replied "Naw, first I hit him with a Gibson, then I hit him with a Fender."
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  19. #211
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What's the definition of a Scottish gentleman?

    A man who can play bagpipes but doesn't.

  20. #212
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    I sang in an a capella group. My boss at the time was very impressed and told people we sang “with no music.”

    Sometimes true, unfortunately.
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  21. #213

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by catmandu2 View Post
    Then there's the one about the (insert ethnic reference) jazz musician . . . (who was in it for the money)
    "Blond". The blond jazz musician. That's the one we can get away with. (Says the blond, who is now mostly gray and can now laugh at blond jokes.)

    EDIT: says the blond who just responded to a post from nearly a decade ago.

  22. #214

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

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  24. #215
    Registered User Simon DS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A banjo player is happily strumming away while walking across a field.
    Suddenly he falls, sliding into a deep sink hole.
    About ten feet down he grabs hold of a tiny tree root, and looks up to the small circle of sky above him and shouts, ‘help!!’

    A booming voice calls back, it’s God. ‘It’s ok. Just let go. I’ll save you.’
    Banjo player thinks for a second, and then shouts, ‘is there anyone else?’

  25. #216
    Registered User mbruno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    One of my favorites:

    What's the difference between a bass player and guitar player walking down the street?

    The bass player is going to a gig.


    My favorite stage joke (non-musical) is:

    What'd the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
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