Page 8 of 9 FirstFirst ... 456789 LastLast
Results 176 to 200 of 205

Thread: Musician Jokes

  1. #176

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Hah! Now THAT made me chuckle.

    M&M

  2. #177
    Registered User Joe Dodson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    628

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by dustyamps View Post
    I think these qualify as a joke...
    I had to do an image search to figure out what the heck these were supposed to be (finger tip protectors, apparently). Ignoring how silly they are in general, why does the hand model need one on his thumb?
    Last edited by Joe Dodson; Nov-13-2019 at 1:53pm. Reason: I'm unable to proof read the first time I post anything

  3. #178

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by David Lewis View Post
    So the piano player says to the singer ‘tonight during girl from ipananema I want you to start in G. And the 4 bars in you modulate to F#. Then at the chorus modulate to Ab minor and sing it in 5/4. The go to G# and sing the second verse in 6/8. Finally for the last verse and chorus I want you to sing it in 7/8 and in the key of A major and C#minor swapping bar to bar.



    The singer says ‘I can’t do that!’

    The pianist says ‘dunno why. That’s what you did last night... ‘
    I just now got off the floor! Good one.

  4. #179
    Registered User Randi Gormley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Connecticut, USA
    Posts
    3,112

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Just saw this, but i haven't looked through the string to see if it's already been posted, so apologies if it is:

    "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales."
    --------------------------------
    1920 Lyon & Healy bowlback
    1923 Gibson A-1 snakehead
    1952 Strad-o-lin
    1983 Giannini ABSM1 bandolim
    2009 Giannini GBSM3 bandolim
    2011 Eastman MD305

  5. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Randi Gormley For This Useful Post:


  6. #180

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Randi Gormley View Post
    Just saw this, but i haven't looked through the string to see if it's already been posted, so apologies if it is:

    "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales."
    That is so bad I burst out laughing.

    Thanks
    Not all the clams are at the beach

    Arrow G
    Clark 2 point
    Ratliff CountryBoy A
    00-21 (voiced by Eldon Stutzman)

  7. #181
    Registered User wildpikr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Louisiana, USA
    Posts
    674

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Randi Gormley View Post
    Just saw this, but i haven't looked through the string to see if it's already been posted, so apologies if it is:

    "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales."
    Now that's punny...
    Mike

    Those who think they should think, like they think others think they should think, need to think out their thinking, I think.

    No envejecemos, maduramos. -Pablo Picasso

  8. #182
    Registered User Gunnar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Balama, Mozambique, Africa, Earth
    Posts
    599

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Randi Gormley View Post
    Just saw this, but i haven't looked through the string to see if it's already been posted, so apologies if it is:

    "My goldfish are named Major, Minor, Dorian, Lydian and Diminished. The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales."
    Nope, that one's still fresh! Lol.
    Mandolin: Kentucky KM150
    Other instruments: way too many, and yet, not nearly enough.

    My blog: https://theoffgridmusician.music.blog/
    My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChF...yWuaTrtB4YORAg
    My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/africanbanjogunnar/
    Free backing tracks:
    https://backingtrackers.wordpress.com/

  9. #183

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A security guy told me this joke about a mandolin when he saw my case...I told him "that sounds like a banjo joke!!"
    Last edited by Mandowino; Feb-11-2020 at 7:09pm. Reason: needed to include the quote from earlier post "Whats the difference between an onion and a banjo"

  10. #184
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Old pickup w/an "I ❤️ Mando" sticker on the tailgate tearing down the road gets pulled over by the sheriff.
    -Sheriff: "Good afternoon sir, do you have any ID?"
    -Driver: "Idee 'bout whauut?"

  11. The following members say thank you to Pepe for this post:


  12. #185
    Registered User Randi Gormley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Connecticut, USA
    Posts
    3,112

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    i have a lot of musician friends who find some of the best jokes. Here's another: "I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We still haven't got a gig."
    --------------------------------
    1920 Lyon & Healy bowlback
    1923 Gibson A-1 snakehead
    1952 Strad-o-lin
    1983 Giannini ABSM1 bandolim
    2009 Giannini GBSM3 bandolim
    2011 Eastman MD305

  13. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Randi Gormley For This Useful Post:


  14. #186

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A banjo player came to take the entrance exam to the conservatory of music. The examiner asked him "What is the subdominant of C?" The banjo player looked confused and perplexed and just stood there. The examiner asked him "What is the matter? Don't you know what a subdominant chord is?"

    The banjo player says "I thought C was the subdominant chord."

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to CarlM For This Useful Post:


  16. #187

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    What's the best pickup to put on a banjo?

    An F-150.

    ---------------------

    Miles Davis finishes his lunch, and the waitress aske him if he'd like dessert.

    He says, "Sure! How about some apple pie."

    She says, "Oh, Mister Davis, the apple pie is gone."

    He says, "Crazy, baby! I'll take two slices!"

  17. #188
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    High Peak - UK
    Posts
    2,676

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The late great Victor Borge once told the story of a man he met at an airport who said that he wished he’d brought his piano with him. When the man’s wife asked him why he said it was because he’d left the airline tickets on it.

  18. The following members say thank you to Ray(T) for this post:

    Gunnar 

  19. #189
    Hocking County, Ohio Frank Johnson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Hocking County, OH
    Posts
    129

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    I once followed a performer who was so bad the audience boo'd all through my banjo solo.
    Murphy's 50/50/90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

  20. The following members say thank you to Frank Johnson for this post:

    Astro 

  21. #190
    Oval holes are cool David Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    1,151

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    That’s very good.

  22. #191

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A man goes into a pawn shop in San Francisco and, for the purpose of this joke, buys a dead rat. He walks out of the shop holding the rat by the tail.

    After walking a block or two he gets a feeling he's being followed and looks behind him, and there's a rat walking a few yards in back of him. He turns back and continues to walk. A few blocks later he looks behind him, and now there are a dozen rats following him. He quickens his pace.

    A block later he looks behind him and there are now hundreds of rats following him. he breaks into a run. After another block he glances back and there are thousands of rats running behind him.

    He runs down to the Embarcadero, runs to the end of a pier, throws the dead rat into the Bay, and the thousands of rats all run past him, jump into the Bay and drown.

    The man watches all of this open-mouthed. He turns and runs back to the pawn shop, goes up to the proprietor and asks: "Got any banjos?"

  23. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to billykatzz For This Useful Post:


  24. #192

  25. The following members say thank you to Simon DS for this post:


  26. #193
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    0.8 mpc from NGC224, upstairs
    Posts
    9,862

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Simon DS View Post
    Corona Virus joke.
    https://youtu.be/7yJrsY9elgo
    Ow! Ow!
    the world is better off without bad ideas, good ideas are better off without the world

  27. #194

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Ha, ha, Bertram, I’m in a high risk group, I want to go laughing!

  28. #195
    F5G & MD305 Astro's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Charleston SC
    Posts
    2,446

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Made me smile every time because I just like hearing you say jag-you-were.
    No matter where I go, there I am...Unless I'm running a little late.

  29. #196
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Columbus, GA
    Posts
    1,226

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Astro View Post
    Made me smile every time because I just like hearing you say jag-you-were.
    Yeah, they talk funny across the pond. Not like we do in the South or the Cajuns in Louisiana.
    David Hopkins

    Breedlove Legacy FF; Breedlove Quartz FF
    Gibson F-4, (1916); Blevins Octave Mandolin, 2018
    McCormick Oval Sound Hole "Reinhardt"
    McCormick Solid Body F-Style Electric;
    Recording King Resophonic Mandolin; Slingerland Songbird Guitar (c. 1939)

    The older I get, the less tolerant I am of political correctness, incompetence and stupidity.

  30. The following members say thank you to DHopkins for this post:

    Astro 

  31. #197
    F5G & MD305 Astro's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Charleston SC
    Posts
    2,446

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Never had Corona virus but I've suffered from the Guinness virus a time or two...
    No matter where I go, there I am...Unless I'm running a little late.

  32. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Astro For This Useful Post:


  33. #198
    Registered User Jim Yates's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Port Hope, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    462

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by JeffD View Post
    Difference between a banjo player and a savings bond? The bond matures.
    . . .and makes money.
    Jim Yates

  34. #199
    Registered User Old Man In's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Cornwall UK
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Due to COVID-19 I shall be self-isolating; just me and my banjo. Nothing new there then.

  35. The following members say thank you to Old Man In for this post:


  36. #200
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Columbus, GA
    Posts
    1,226

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    COVID-19 hasn't changed anything for me....yet. Tomorrow's another day.

    I know why toilet paper sales has skyrocketed. Everytime somebody sneezes, a hundred people crap in their pants. Everyone is so health conscious that you could probably rob a bank with a booger.
    David Hopkins

    Breedlove Legacy FF; Breedlove Quartz FF
    Gibson F-4, (1916); Blevins Octave Mandolin, 2018
    McCormick Oval Sound Hole "Reinhardt"
    McCormick Solid Body F-Style Electric;
    Recording King Resophonic Mandolin; Slingerland Songbird Guitar (c. 1939)

    The older I get, the less tolerant I am of political correctness, incompetence and stupidity.

  37. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DHopkins For This Useful Post:


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •