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Thread: Musician Jokes

  1. #76
    Front Porch & Sweet Tea NursingDaBlues's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandoplumb View Post
    We're at the point of repeating now.
    Is that the cue for the banjo player to play the same thing again?

  2. #77
    Some Ability - No Talent MikeZito's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Don't think of them as 'repeating' . . . they are just re-runs of old favorites . . . .

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  4. #78
    Registered User Randi Gormley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    there has to be a joke about repeats .... here's another oldie and goodie -- how can you tell there's a ceili band at your door? someone knocks three times and they all come in together.
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  5. #79

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    If someone broke a string on stage in our family band, the banjo jokes would go nonstop till the string was changed and my lovely wife said: why are banjo jokes so dumb? and the answer was- so the bass player can understand them! Standing there with the bass, I'd hurry to get the next song going before the punch line. I keep them all in order with my tree of banjo jokes banjobass fretboard inlay. Third fret- what's the difference between a banjo and an Uzi? The Uzi only repeats 40 times in a row.....
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  6. #80
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    So what joke goes with the Empire State building at the 12th fret? The whole banjo is actually funny.

  7. #81

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q:If you throw an accordion and a banjo off the top of the Empire State building, which one hits the ground first?
    A: Who cares?

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  9. #82
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Q: What is perfect pitch
    A: When you throw an accordion and a banjo into a dumpster together.
    THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE JUST FOR YOUR SMILE!

  10. #83
    Registered User Timbofood's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Don’t let Gibson see that peghead!
    Timothy F. Lewis
    "If brains was lard, that boy couldn't grease a very big skillet" J.D. Clampett

  11. #84

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Latest news from the Law Courts:
    Louisiana school kid counter sues Gibson... ‘they copied my innovative design’

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  12. #85

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The banjo player left his car door unlocked. When he got back to the car, there were five more banjos inside, and a note "Thanks!!"

  13. #86

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    The definition of ' perfect pitch ' is hitting the dumpster first throw with a banjo and it smashes an accordion and a bodhran when it lands.

    Dave H
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  14. #87

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    and the difference between a violin and a viola is ?

    violas burn longer.

    Dave H
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  15. #88

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    If you were stuck on a beautiful desert island with a soccer team, what instrument would you take with you, a piano or a mandolin?
    -a piano.
    You can make a whole mandolin orchestra from a piano.
    And you can also make a nice trophy out of wood -as a present, you’re going to need it if the soccer team has a pianist.

  16. #89
    Oval holes are cool David Lewis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    So it’s New Year’s Eve in a crowded pub in your favourite city. At the moment there’s only two customers, an accordionist and a tuba player. The owner of the bar is on the phone, yells ‘thanks very much’ and spams the one doen. ‘Bloody musicians. I had a band booked tonight and they’ve cancelled. I don’t know what to do by tonight will be our busiest night.’ The two musicians look t each other and after a brief negotiable they’re booked.

    The night is a great success. People are dancing on the tables. And the bar doesn’t shut till 5. The pair play everything.

    At the end of the night the wonder says. You guys were fantastic. Can I book you for New Years next year?

    ‘That’s be great says the accordionist. But can we ask a favour?

    Sure, says the owner?

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  17. #90
    Registered User Swimbob's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    I haven't seem my favorite yet...

    How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, they have machines for that now...

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  19. #91
    MandolaViola bratsche's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by oldwave maker View Post
    If someone broke a string on stage in our family band, the banjo jokes would go nonstop till the string was changed and my lovely wife said: why are banjo jokes so dumb? and the answer was- so the bass player can understand them! Standing there with the bass, I'd hurry to get the next song going before the punch line. I keep them all in order with my tree of banjo jokes banjobass fretboard inlay. Third fret- what's the difference between a banjo and an Uzi? The Uzi only repeats 40 times in a row.....
    Oh my gosh, that is hilarious, you made a "tree of banjo jokes" fretboard? I love it! You are a funny, creative guy. I had to import and enlarge it to see all the great detail. But still, being a violist and all, I have some questions. What is that oblong thing on the first fret? Also, that item to the left of the pizza doesn't look familiar. And I don't think I can place the anchor or the condom jokes (on the latter, do I really want to?)

    bratsche
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  20. #92

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by bratsche View Post
    ...And I don't think I can place the anchor or the condom jokes (on the latter, do I really want to?)

    bratsche
    The anchor is for news anchorman.
    A news anchorman is assigned to do a report of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene is too thick to get there by car, so he frantically calls his home office to hire a plane.
    "It’ll be waiting for you at the airport!" he is assured by his editor, "and don’t forget your cameraman."
    As soon as they arrive at the small, rural airport, sure enough, they see their plane warming up near the runway. They try to jump in but there is a banjo on the passenger seat. So they push it out of the way and the anchorman yells, "Let's go! Let's go!"
    The pilot says, "I didn’t know there’d be another passenger, and I gotta tell you, I feel nervous being filmed".
    The news anchorman, takes a big breath and in his deep calm voice he says, "I’m Jack Jones and we’re here to make history."
    The pilot says, "Huh... ok", and swings the plane into the wind and right at the end of the runway they finally make it into the air.
    "Phew!" says the pilot.
    "Ok, now fly over the north side of the fire," says the anchorman, "and make three or four low level passes."
    "Why?" asks the pilot.
    "Because we’re going to make history! I'm a news anchorman , and news anchormen make history!" he says with great exasperation.
    After a long pause the banjo player says, "Huh... huh, you mean you're not the instructor?"

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  22. #93
    Registered User Gunnar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Two banjo players walked into a building, you'd think one of them would have seen it.

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  24. #94

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by bratsche View Post
    Oh my gosh, that is hilarious, you made a "tree of banjo jokes" fretboard? I love it! You are a funny, creative guy. I had to import and enlarge it to see all the great detail. But still, being a violist and all, I have some questions. What is that oblong thing on the first fret? Also, that item to the left of the pizza doesn't look familiar. And I don't think I can place the anchor or the condom jokes (on the latter, do I really want to?)

    bratsche
    1st fret is a bubble out of a 4ft level, how to tell if the stage is level at a bluegrass festival? drool is coming out of both sides of the banjo players mouth.....left of pizza is a vacuum cleaner- difference between a vacuum and a banjo? vacuum only sucks when you plug it in.....difference between a banjo and a boat anchor? anchor has a chain so you can get it back up.......and lastly, what do banjo players use for birth control? their personalities......ran out of room before Tim O'brien told us: how come there are no banjos on Star Trek? duh, its the future!.....Finally read this entire thread, realized I just posted that fretboard 7 years ago! Who are these people, and where are my horses?

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  26. #95
    MandolaViola bratsche's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by oldwave maker View Post
    Finally read this entire thread, realized I just posted that fretboard 7 years ago! Who are these people, and where are my horses?
    Well, it was worth a re-post, as I don't think I'd seen it 7 years ago, or maybe I did but forgot. ;-) Anyway, yes, I saw the vacuum cleaner and know that joke (probably heard it as a viola joke), but there is something else I couldn't make out, between the vacuum cleaner and the pizza... that's what I was asking you about.

    bratsche
    "There are two refuges from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

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  27. #96
    Some Ability - No Talent MikeZito's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by oldwave maker View Post
    difference between a vacuum and a banjo? vacuum only sucks when you plug it in.....
    I laughed so hard that I spit on my computer screen!

  28. #97
    Some Ability - No Talent MikeZito's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    One day an explorer got lost in the jungle. As he was wandering aimlessly he began to hear tribal drumming in the distance, and couldn't help but wonder what it meant.

    Shortly after hearing the drumming, a local tribesman found the man and took him back to his camp. On the way back to camp the explorer asked his new guide 'What is that drumming that I hear?' The tribesman just smiled at him and said 'Drums, good. Drums, good.'

    When they got to the tribesman's camp, they ate dinner and the explorer was shown to a tent where he could sleep for the night. The explorer could still hear the drums in the distance and again asked his guide 'What is that drumming that I hear?' The tribesman again just smiled at him and said 'Drums, good. Drums, good.'

    The next morning the explorer awoke and immediately noticed that the drumming had stopped. Upon leaving his tent he saw people frightfully yelling and running all over the camp. The explorer found his guide and asked him 'The drums have stopped, what is the matter?'. The guide looked at him with terror in his eyes and said 'No drums bad - VERY bad!' The explorer began to panic and nervously asked his guide, 'Why is no drums very bad?" In a trembling voice, the guide said 'No drums . . . bass solo!"

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  30. #98
    Registered User Froglips's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    My favorite Joke!

    A banjo player and 4 musicians walk into a bar...
    Frog...

    It's not how you pick your nose ... It's where you put the booger!

  31. #99

    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    A man walks into a bar and says to the barman ' you wanna hear my new banjo joke ? ' the barman says to him, listen I'm a banjo player, Big Mike at the end of the bar, he's a banjo player and that ugly character over there is nasty Pete. he's a banjo player too, do you still want to tell your banjo joke ? the guy says no, I don't want to have to explain it 3 times.

    Dave H
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  33. #100
    Registered User Gunnar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Musician Jokes

    I don't think banjos or accordions belong in this thread; it's called musician jokes

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