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Thread: Mandolin Jokes

  1. #1
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    Q.How many Mando-Players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A.10---One to screw it in, 9 to say "I could do it faster"


    Yeah---not good at all, but does anyone know any better ones?


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joe

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    Not mandolin specific but sure to offend many:

    Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None. They won't touch anything electric.
    Gary Blanchard
    Original Acoustic and Electric Music
    http://www.irismusica.net

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    I'm afraid there's more. (I must confess these began life as banjo jokes, but we can share them.)

    Q: What's the difference between a mandolin player and a pizza ?
    A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

    Q: How do you get an mandolin player off your front step ?
    A: Pay for the pizza.

    Q: What's the difference between a mandolin player and a certificate of deposit?
    A: The CD will eventually mature and make money.

    Q: What is a gentleman ?
    A: Someone who knows how to play mandolin but doesn't.

    Q: What does a mandolin player use for birth control ?
    A: His personality.

    Q: How do you make a mandolin player’s car more aerodynamic?
    A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
    Gary Blanchard
    Original Acoustic and Electric Music
    http://www.irismusica.net

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    As a beginner, I can relate to these...

    Q: What's the difference between a mandolin player and a foot massager?
    A: A foot massager generally bucks up the feat...

    Q: How can you tell if there's a mandolin player at your door?
    A: They can't find the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don't know when to come in.

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    Q: What's the difference between a hoover vacuum cleaner in your living room and a mandolin player on stage?

    A: The location of the dirtbag.

  6. #6
    Registered User John Flynn's Avatar
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    What do you get when you cross a mandolin and a banjo?

    An instrument that even a bass player can tell is out of tune.


    Then there was the mandolin player who got addicted to playing waltzes. It was so bad, he had to go into rehab.

    It was a three-step program!

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    A guitar player and a mandolin player both slip and fall off a high cliff. Which one will hit the ground first?

    The guitarist. The mando player had to stop and tune up half-way.

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    Q: Why does a mandolin have eight strings?

    A: To double the chances that one of them will be in tune.
    Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

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    hahahaha, thanks guys, I needed this today!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by
    Q: What's the difference between a mandolin player and a foot massager?
    A: #A foot massager generally bucks up the feat...
    Mighty clever. #Reminds me of my favorite lawyer joke:

    Q: #What's the difference between a rooster and a shyster?
    A: #The rooster clucks defiance.

    Sorry Elen and J. Mark, but we need to laugh at ourselves in our day jobs too.

    R

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    Y'know why mandos are so small?

    So you can play it with handcuffs on!
    "The trouble with you is the trouble with me, got two good eyes, but still don't see."--J.G.

  12. #12
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    What do you say to mandolin player in a three piece suit?

    Will the defendant please rise?

  13. #13
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    what's the range of a mandolin?
    about 10 yards if you kick it hard enough

  14. #14
    MandolaViola bratsche's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by
    Mighty clever. Reminds me of my favorite lawyer joke:

    Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a shyster?
    A: The rooster clucks defiance.
    LOL! Reminded me of this one, too:

    Q. What's the diff. between a seamstress and a mandolinist?
    A. The seamstress tucks up the frills...

    bratsche
    "There are two refuges from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

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    Registered User Coy Wylie's Avatar
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    Not a mando joke but here's my favorite banjo joke:

    Know why there was no banjo music on Star Trek?
    There are no banjos in the future.

  16. #16
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    STOP I say STOP !! with the mandolin jokes. I'm serious.
    We need to keep them as banjo jokes. Besides, the banjo players will start trying to get creative making jokes for us mandolin pickers. Banjo players-Creative-Very scary thought!
    Life is short-Pray hard-Pick fast!

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    Q: How do you recruit professional mandolin players in any large city?
    A: Stand on a street corner and yell "Taxi"

    Q: How do you know when a mandolin player has a girlfriend?
    A: There's tobacco juice stains on the passenger door of his pickup truck!

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    What do you get when you cross a Gibson Mandolin with Janet Jackson?

    Absolutely the breast there is...::

  19. #19
    Registered User John Flynn's Avatar
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    This is no joke (I hope!): I just wanted to say that I really appreciate this thread. It's not necessarily that the jokes are all that new or that funny, although I have gotten a few good chuckles here. What I appreciate is that even though there has been some negativity on the board lately, this thread shows a positive side that we have gotten more light-hearted and "self-deprecating." The reason I say that is I kicked off a mandolin jokes thread about a year ago. I got some flames just for starting it and only a few jokes got posted before the thread died. I think the success of this thread shows we are making progess as an online community.

    End of the soap-box. Back to the jokes!

  20. #20

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    how do you make a guitar player turn down?

    ---you put sheet music in front of him. ok thats an old one everyone knows and its not mandolin. here's another

    what do you call someone who hangs around musicians?

    -- a drummer

  21. #21

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    Oh, mandolinists are always attuned to at least some degree of levity— the joke usually being on ourselves.

    During one of the sessions in Carlo Aonzo's latest N.Y.C. workshop, he explained how a certain passage is to be played, giving all the technical details. We played as best we could.

    Then, turning on his delightful, boyish-mischievous grin, he said: "Good enough, if you are a mandolinist; if, however, you are a musician..."

    Too much seriousness is unhealthy.
    It is not man who lives, but his work. (Ioannis Kapodistrias)

  22. #22
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    I guy walks into a store and asks for a Grisman pick and some J-74's. #The guy behind the counter says "You must be a mandolin player". #"How can you tell?" says the customer. #The man behind the counter says "This is a hardware store!"

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    Q: How many mandolinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: Impossible...they will never stop arguing that their mandolin is better than the other guys.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by (Hoovetone @ Feb. 11 2004, 22:20)
    STOP I say STOP !! with the mandolin jokes. I'm serious.
    We need to keep them as banjo jokes. Besides, the banjo players will start trying to get creative making jokes for us mandolin pickers. Banjo players-Creative-Very scary thought!
    Watch out - some of us mandolin players play banjo too!

    Gary Blanchard
    Original Acoustic and Electric Music
    http://www.irismusica.net

  25. #25

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    someone say banjo.
    so you have all heard, the difference between a banjo and a harley davidson?

    you can tune a harley.

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