Played solo at church funeral

[Dagger Gordon]

Had a first yesterday when I was asked to play at the funeral of the daughter of some friends as the coffin was taken out of the church.

They wanted a mix of Scottish tunes and hymns, so I played Ae Fond Kiss by Robert Burns, the hymn Be Thou My Vision, Amazing Grace, a Gaelic tune The Eternal Surge Of The Sea, John Bunyan's hymn To Be A Pilgrim, a slow tune by Runrig, and 3 or 4 others in similar vein. The parents were waiting at the front door to shake everyone's hand, so I had to play for a quite a long time until everyone had left the church.

The Church of Scotland in Invergordon is an impressive, fairly large old building and many people commented that they were surprised at how the sound of my 10-string Sobell filled the place. It was hardly a happy experience for me, but actually quite satisfying and I was pleased to be asked.

[Bret Roberts]

Wow,

I am sure that that was not an easy thing to do, but I am sure that it meant lots to the family.

Kudos to you.

[Tripp Johnson]

Bless you for your gift to them as they said goodbye. Although it had to be difficult, it's times like this when playing music means the most.

[Bertram Henze]

Is there a more solemn moment to show our instruments are not just for spicing up alehouse laughter? Good on the musician who can rise to escort a soul on that passage to another world, and maybe give some consolation to those who remain.

Bertram

[mrmando]

A few years ago my wife and I were asked to do music at the wedding of a couple in our church. They had a specific song they wanted, so I learned a facsimile of the ukulele part and played it on tenor guitar while my wife sang.

Three years later the husband died and the wife asked us to perform the same song at his funeral. All I had to do was play the guitar and I could barely keep it together. My wife had to sing. I don't know how she managed it.

[JEStanek]

Dagger, that was a real blessing and gift of yours to the family. I can hardly imagine a more difficult circumstance to play.

Jamie

[Cheryl Watson]

David, that was truly a wonderful thing you did for your friend and his family! Silence or the sound of a mournful organ is very morbid for me as a casket is carried out. I have been through that SO many times.

I think that the gorgeous, hopeful sound of a Sobell played lovingly would help the mourners cope in that moment. I know it would help me.

Cheryl

[John Flynn]

I can relate. I was asked to play "Amazing Grace" on the harmonica at my father-in-law's funeral two years ago. I had been pretty close to him, he was a great man, so my own emotions were running high. The only reason I agreed to do it was that my mother-in-law had heard me play the tune at church and specifically asked me to play it. The "audience" at graveside included about 100 people, including dozens of my in-laws, a bishop, about two dozen priests and deacons (my father in-law had been a deacon and was well liked by the clergy in the diocese, so they really turned out) and the new parish music director, who had tried unsuccessfully to nix my playing because she didn't want any music that was not under her direction. It would be the very last piece of music at the funeral. So...no pressure!

To my great relief, I did not miss a note. It was the best I ever played that tune. Even though it was supposed to be an instrumental, that new music director spontaneously started quietly singing along the second time through and a lot of the funeral party joined in. As sad as the whole event was, ironically that was a magical moment. I thought, perhaps the real purpose for all my playing music was for moments like that.

[sgarrity]

I just had a similar experience playing at my Granddad's funeral. They did a slide show at the beginning of pictures throughout his life. My brother and I were very close to him so a majority of the pictures were of the three of us camping, hunting, fishing, etc. I had to play immediately after the slide show!! I don't recommend this! LOL It was difficult to say the least. But I played Ashokan Farewell and it sounded pretty darn good! Towards the end I played Amazing Grace with the church music director and ended the tune with a mandolin break.

My Granddad introduced me to "good" music and that's what got me interested in playing. He always called the mandolin my "guit-fiddle." I was happy to be able to honor him with the music he enjoyed hearing me play.

[Brad Weiss]

Very touching. You've offered a valuable service.

[Pastor Bill Pawlyshyn]

We always must remember, in such situations, we give to the living even though we honor those who have passed. Yes, asking the family their requests adds to the memory and revitalization for the future. I minister in nursing homes and hold annual 'life to remember" services. The importance of music is without cost and looking at the peace upon those who have lost loved ones (once had 30 family members at the service) made it worth that tear shed!

[allenhopkins]

The oddest bit of funeral "music" I've ever performed, was for a man who often demonstrated and played with 19th-century toys at the restoration where I work. His daughter, who also worked at the restoration, asked me to bring a limberjack (the little dancing doll on a stick), and dance it in the lobby of the funeral home where the memorial service was held, to remind her and the family of how her father had played with limberjacks for all the kids who visited Genesee Country Village. Some of the people attending the service looked surprised, but the family was grateful and it did invoke her father's spirit, I think.

[Eddie Sheehy]

A few years ago my Granduncle passed away in Ireland and I was unable to get home for the funeral. My cousin played a graveside rendition of An Chuilfhionn on the tinwhistle. Even the gravestone cried. I hope someone is around to play for me... You did a good deed Dagger.

[Rhinestone]

Good for you. I know something about all that. I had to play at my mother's graveside service in 2001.

[Randi Gormley]

When one of our band member's brothers died a couple years ago, a few of us brought our instruments to the funeral home at his request and quietly played in a side room during visiting hours. We tried to keep to the mellower pieces -- stately waltzes and o'carolan -- and our member would leave the viewing room and pick up his whistle on occasion and join us (although he wanted to play reels!). I remember how grateful our band member was for our support and for giving the family the music that his brother loved. It was our gift to one of our own. There's no way to describe what it does to you to participate in something like that.

[EricL]

The oddest bit of funeral "music" I've ever performed, was for a man who often demonstrated and played with 19th-century toys at the restoration where I work.

I have a similar story. My father-in-law passed away in 1995. His father played the fiddle and several years earlier I had his old Steiner copy restored. Near the end of his life we brought the old fiddle out and played a few tunes on it. He requested "Turkey in the Straw" as it was the tune he most remembered his father playing. At his funeral the family decided that it would be appropriate to play it again, so we did. Hardly a common funeral piece but as someone mentioned earlier in the thread, it brought back fond memories to the family.

[Bertram Henze]

Apparently, this is not an unusual approach - using music to express the spirit that does not die. There is a scene from the movie "Rembetiko", featuring several bouzoukis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvyNQu6gDNM

Bertram

[Taube Marks]

Two years ago, our friend and jammer, Dr. Peter Derow collapsed and died in Wadham College (University of Oxford) quad of a heart attack. His funeral was held in the college chapel, with all the pomp and circumstance one would expect at a C of E service.

Being from a religious sect that doesn't much favour music at funerals or wakes, it came as a surprise that his family wanted us to play in his honour.
After the chapel service, about four hundred people packed into the college hall, and august and grand building from the 1600s. Roger, one of Peter's former students and now a professor of ancient philosophy himself, Suzanne and Michael, one of Peter's current students and I trudged up the stone steps to a medieval gallery and let rip with some of Peter's favourite songs. We thought the staid academic community would have a fit, but knowing that Peter loved Bluegrass and Old Time, they went for it.

It was some sight to see and hear, and the mandolin never sounded better. When the family arrived, they asked us to play again and then came and talked to us about how much they loved these songs themselves, as their Dad had sung them when they were young.

Donne, I think, said "letter mingle souls" but so does music.

Best,

Taube

[blawson]

My father passed away this past summer after a 3-year battle with cancer. Well beforehand, he asked me to give his eulogy. My mother asked me to play one of his favorite hymns, "I Won't Have to Cross Jordan Alone", so I did.

Delivering my father's eulogy was the toughest -- playing the mandolin (accompanied by guitar) afterward was, in some respects, a respite.

[David M.]

Dagger, it's a tough thing to do. My wife's grandma passed back in the fall and the family wanted me to sing and play some tunes. I told them I'd play, but NO WAY could I ever sing at a funeral. Emotions shut down my speaking and singing voice.

A couple of years ago her Grandma came up to me, stood right in my face and said she had a dream that I played "She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain" for her funeral. We assured her that we hoped it wouldn't be any time soon, etc., but she insisted that I do it when time comes.

So for the service we played Be Thou My Vision (a lady friend of hers sang and it was great) and i played mando. Then I played Amazing Grace solo on fiddle. The tones were haunting , but beautiful in that old church in western Iowa.

At the graveside, the very last thing was me on fiddle and I played her She'll be Coming Round the Mountain for her. It was tough, but very fitting for her. She was full of life and the main thread of my wife's family.

I'm sure all who have played in this situation find it tough, but satisfying to know the family is so grateful for it.

[Dagger Gordon]

Indeed.

I think 'Be thou my vision' is a lovely tune. An old Irish tune originally.

[Ransome]

I can fully relate to this being tough. I just played Amazing Grace with my sister and niece at my father's memorial. Full military honors and as simple as that song is, it took everything in me to make it through. I filmed the whole service with my new Flip HD; here's a clip. Mind you I haven't been playing mandolin long and emotions were running high.

Amazing Grace

[JeffD]

Indeed.

I think 'Be thou my vision' is a lovely tune. An old Irish tune originally.

I learned it just a while back, and have been playing it a lot. It is really a nice tune.

[billkilpatrick]

playing at a funeral must really put you on the spot - more power to you, dagger - but at least with a mandolin you can fade in and out and finesse any wayward notes - what pipers go through is unimaginable ... remember that poor piper playing in sub-zero temperatures at pres. ford's funeral?

[billkilpatrick]

found it - uncomfortable listening: