All sizzle ... no steak

[Lee]

Handle yourself tactfully just like you'd compliment a new mother's baby. In the Great Scheme of Things, this isn't all that complicated or unusual a situation.

[MikeEdgerton]

I keep starting to answer this but stopping. I've got some great answers but I'll probably get thrown out of here if I actually hit the Post button.

[mandowood]

Do you remember the Seinfeld episode where they all go up to the Hamptons with Carol and Michael and the terribly ugly baby? Elaine just says "Breathtaking!" and gets away with it- maybe you try that...

[Bill Van Liere]

Curt is at a loss for words? I don't believe it.

[bradeinhorn]

this thread has major builder bashing potential!!!

i'd just find some nice feature, aesthetic seemingly, and complement it on that.

[B. T. Walker]

Say it's beautiful (which you have already done in this thread), and if they ask how it sounds, smile real big and say, "I'll keep mine."

Ludewigs rule.

[James P]

It's a mandolin, what's not to love?

[Mark Walker]

Great question Curt. #

I've personally not had the pleasure of being near too many custom-made instruments, (and frankly, all but one in my area I've encountered are all by the same luthier and all sound great; the other one looks nice but doesn't have much punch at all) but how they 'sound' to others is purely subjective. #

Granted - if they sound like a tinny eBay starter model... that's a hard one to tap-dance around! #I know the tone of my Silver Angel is considered 'deep, bright and woody', but some of 'The Gibson' owners feel theirs with that 'old mellow' tone are superior. #

Me thinks my 'cousin' B.T. Walker said it best: #"Say it's beautiful... #and if they ask how it sounds, smile real big and say, "I'll keep mine." #

[DryBones]

depends on how close a friend the person is or you want them to be.

[Mike Buesseler]

Mom always said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." If someone shows photos, and I'm not impressed, I just don't reply. Most of the time I don't reply, anyway. How many F5s can you be impressed by, after all?

Curt, you give plenty of useful input on lots of topics...usually with a good dose of 'spice,' I'd say. I think we all DO know how you hate being anything but sincere. If you started piping in with smarmy, "agreeable" compliments, you're credibility would go right out the window.

[Rick Schmidlin]

Say that the well known maker (if they have a real positive rep.)has been making some really good mandolins, and then say to the owner of the one you tried after playing it and am holding it and looking at it "nice." If it is not worthy they will learn from others sooner then later and that will release you from the pressure.If they do have some one else try and not like it and then say you tried and said it was "nice" based on your reputaion and playing the new new judge should understand.I knew a mother that bought her 15 year old son a 250.00 Fender for Christmas a few years back and asked what I thought.I said he has a great mother who made such a investment for her son.

[Michael H Geimer]

Dear Mythical Fishes,
You have no complaint,
They are what they are,
and they ain't what they ain't,
Call 'em out on their budgets,
and inadequate chops,
'Cus changing the subject sure won't make them stop!

[Ted Eschliman]

A corporate executive friend of mine was caught in one of those no-win situations when a pregnant women confessed in public, "I've gained 60 pounds the last 4 months." (What do you say to that?)
His response: "Wow... That's impressive." Pretty quick answer and showed me why he was making the big bucks as a professional talker.

My response in these moments of mandolin underwhelming is a simple, "Nice. I can see you're very happy with this instrument." You always have to remember one man's junk is another's treasure.

[fatt-dad]

This is where timing is everything: If the mandolin is less then 48 hours in the picker's hands, tell them EXACTLY what you think. If the chance for returning it is gone, just figure that the owner had a chance to buy what they liked and did just that. And, that their taste is different than yours. . . .

f-d

[Elliot Luber]

If someone's asking you for your professional opinion because they're trying to assess value, you should give them a straight cold answer. But if someone spent more money than they had on a less-than stellar mandolin (and the trial period is over), they're really looking for emotional reinforcement, then there's nothing wrong with complimenting someone. "A friend is someone who laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathises with your problems when they're not so bad." Heard that once in an episode of "Taxi."

[Ken Sager]

"I'm speechless" always works and it sounds like you were, or maybe just a "Wow."

It's ok to wonder what they're hearing/seeing that you're not. Questioning one's own tastes usually leads to their refinement and better understanding of others.

Best,
Ken

[hungry mountain boy]

A friend played my guitar once and said with a smile, it plays better than mine. I imagined that he thought, becaus I did that his tone and volume was superior. You could always say like others suggest, "it looks nice, I prefer so and so though" Glenn

[Tim]

If the mandolin is less than great but they don't know it, I'd be tempted to give an answer like "Glad you have a mandolin to match your playing". #Really, it depends on your relationship with the person. #I would say there's no harm in exercising a little tact (white lies) with a casual acquaintance. #

I happened to be in a music shop once when someone brought a guitar in to sell. #After getting an appraisal and offer, he said "I don't want to sell it. I just bought this and wanted to make sure it was worth it before the trial period is over". #While that was possibly an abuse of the store's time, your answer should more frank if they are making a keep/return decision.

[steve V. johnson]

The art of the elegant non-response has a long history in literature, and was practiced by many of our favorite characters... #I've never been really good at it, tho.

When I was in high school I was in the drama club and we had a very respected college professor come to direct a production one summer. #When the cast came offstage after the production (or the curtain calls, if we were lucky) it was his practice to say, with deep enthusiasm,

"You did it! #You really did it!!"

He told me later that it was appropriate for such occaisions as this one.

stv

[PhilGE]

Then they ask me what I think of it and all I can do is try to change the subject. I don't want to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I don't want to blow
any sunshine up someone's skirt just for the sake of being "agreeable". You know how I hate that.

Dear Abby, what's a fella to do?

Curt

Dear Curt,

[example mode]

Gee, it seems like you're feeling stuck - in an ethical bind. How not to brown nose? How not to offend?

[/example mode]

The catch is believe you "have to" pass judgement when someone asks you to do so - and you really don't want to. What's helpful is to simply reflect back what you're hearing while validating their experience (not what you think, what you honestly believe they think/feel).

Example #1: (see first paragraph above)
Example #2: "Wow, you are so proud of this!"
Example #3: "You sure put a lot of time and energy into choosing this one!"

You've got to be genuine - really mean it. Ask questions about how they purchased it. What's the story behind it?

What really matters is if they like it and it works for them - 'cause otherwise we'd all be looking for something else and never be satisfied. Oh, wait. That's what MAS is all about...

[Timbofood]

Opinions need to be tempered sometimes, #I have fallen victim to the consequences of my own acid tongue and seem to not learn very quickly! #I can see the point to offering cold hard "Take it back" advice when possible. #Then there is the "it's all I can afford" argument. #I would love to pony up large bucks for a fabulous piece but, "I ain't got the dough rey me". #I am working on something that I hope will get me the mandolin I have dreamed of for some 20+ years #and, it will take me a while but I will make that happen. #When it does,I know what I will have! #Until then, I will be happy with what I have now. #When asked, be fair and kind. #

How about "Nice, I'll bet it is going to sound great once it has opened up."

[Bob A]

A looong time ago, I'd just bought a nice F4 for a grand, having hocked everything I owned to afford it. A friend, who I suspect was not terribly knowledgeable on the subject, picked it up and picked a bit, then said "You didn't pay more than $100 for this, did you?". While I wanted to tell him that I'd buy all he could find for a hundred bucks apiece, I just smiled and put it back in the case.

[Greg H.]

My father was an art professor who was quite often called upon to judge shows. In such cases it wasn't uncommon for him to be followed by the artist(s) asking what he thought. If he thought the work was absolute junk his favorite comment was "Interesting", which could either mean "You've created a really interesting image here." or "It's interesting that you're brave enough to actually show this junk in publlic."

So, if asked about how the mandolin sounds just say "Interesting tone" or "It's got a very different tone" and you've said abolutely nothing.

[testore]

Acoustics are valueless(subjective). We all like something different. If you don't like the way it sounds I think it's fine to express that your tastes are different and give reasons why it wouldn't work for you. Things that ARE valueable are workmanship,materials, varnish/laquer application and finishing quality,fret work,neck work,overall attention to detail. Those opinions are more difficult to convey without starting something that you may not want to start. Still difficult to bite your tongue. Running a violin shop for 15 years gave me a lot of experience with that.Most times I was neutral,other times I trashed the instrument, depending on my mood, the client and the fiddle, BUT only when the violin merited trashing. It's a hard spot to be in so now I avoid it as much as I can.