Looking for feedback on an original bluegrass tune

[Twowhiskeysshy]

I started playing mandolin a few years ago and just started a bluegrass band with my brother right as covid 19 shut us down. Here is a video of us from our last rehearsal before lockdown. The song is original and I was hoping for some constructive criticism.

https://youtu.be/UcGUm-yV-I8

I hope you enjoy!!

[tmsweeney]

Yes I did enjoy it! Nice chucka chucka

for my two cents I would add a little more space for runs and licks maybe 2 extra bars or something like that here and there between verses

but it was really really good, lets hear some more!

[Lucas]

Excellent! If you can get the other guys to back you up on vocals in the chorus, it would be even better.

Thanks for sharing.

[Twowhiskeysshy]

Yeah the guitar player is working on some harmonies. I recorded a version where I sing the tenor and bass parts but we need to practice a bit before we can get that going live.

[Aaron Bohnen]

Well done! I really liked that. I can't agree too much with the sentiment, but happy to support two rounds in Covid if you don't mind?

Enjoy!

[Twowhiskeysshy]

Thanks for the kind words! Don't worry, it's just my take on the murder ballad trope, nothing auto-biographical in there. The only rounds I'm into are rounds of whiskey!

[Greg Connor]

It’s good to hear some original music! All three of you looked like you’re having fun. I thought the lyrics created a good story line and the music supplied the support.

Well done!

[Julian Morris]

I enjoyed that. I'd go with what tmsweeney says, could do with a bit of space in it. Maybe a muted section to emphasise some of the more poignant lyrics?

I'm a sucker for punchy endings like this. Very good.

[bradlaird]

Good fellers! Always a theme I have enjoyed. Revenge. Murder. Fun stuff and a staple in bluegrass. (See Colly Davis by NGR for another superb example.)

Mando man: That was a cool mando break. Had everything: good direction, unexpected turns and a solid, logical ending. Chin up. Sing out to the back row is my only bit of lame advice

The guitar: good pickin. Now sing. Nice hair! Am jealous.

Bass man: It is clear that you have good training and chops. Good lines with drive and logical movement. And you seem happy in that back row. I noticed your skill if nobody else does—and they never do.

Only one negative. Find a fiddler and a banjo picker. Then go Big Time.

I enjoyed that quite a lot.

ps Never admit that it is not autobiographical. Leave ‘em guessing.

[Denny Gies]

Good job. I agree with Lucas, it needs some back up harmony. Keep going.