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Thread: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hear

  1. #26
    Registered User Eric Platt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    It's tough listening to yourself. Even at this point, don't enjoy it. I will if necessary (for my YouTube channel or if recording). However, would prefer not to do it. But am trying to balance it with an attitude of "good enough for now."

    Oh, and it's the same whether on mandolin or guitar. Even though I have a couple decades more playing guitar, still don't like hearing it played back.

    As for singing - in general I don't anymore.
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  3. #27

    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Partly it depends on what you're comparing yourself to.

    A home/field recording isn't going to have the same audio quality as one of those modern slick studio recordings, where the studio engineer can go in and edit individual notes and do other trickery to make things sound better than they actually were.

    Whereas, if your playing doesn't sound much worse than your musical mentors that you recorded on your phone at a music camp parking lot while everyone was sitting on milk crates behind their cars and playing fabulous music, then you're probably doing ok.

    If your playing does sound worse than your mentors (recorded with the same equipment and under similar conditions), then that would actually mean that you need to analyze your playing to try to determine *why* it sounds bad - does the timing vary, or is the phrasing wrong somehow, or are there wrong notes, or a string out of tune, or ??

    You kind of have to be ruthless in picking apart your playing ("it's a tough job but someone's gotta do it" lol), it's the only way to make progress and improve. Can't fix a problem until one becomes aware of what the problem is.

    But, as others have said, remember the whole point of music (IMO) is to enjoy playing. So it's one of those balance things. One has to be casual enough to relax and enjoy playing, otherwise there's no point in even bothering with it, but at the same time one may wish to be serious enough to try to work out perceived problems and work beyond those problems to achieve the kind of sound that attracted you to the music in the first place.

    P.S.: Some instruments can be particularly troublesome. For me, one of those troublesome instruments was Uilleann bagpipes - I finally had to admit that I was not going to be able to play the darn things as well as I wanted, to get the sound I wanted. I eventually got rid of them because I didn't like being reminded of my little failure at learning how to tame the beastly things. It seems that I and reed instruments just don't get along. But, other (friendlier) instruments, have been much more cooperative and far less frustrating, and easier to make progress with.
    Last edited by Jess L.; Mar-03-2019 at 10:49pm.

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  5. #28
    Fatally Flawed Bill Kammerzell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    It isn't that uncommon for most people I come in contact with to question themselves or their abilities. I refer to it as "Taking inventory." We just need to realize we're seeking progress, not perfection. I recorded myself the other day both sound and video, and even sent it to a friend of mine in Oregon. When I played it back I could hear the mistakes. So I tried it again a little slower. My friend who is 70 years old and plays keyboards in a couple of blues bands texted, "It sounded pretty good." I thought it sounded okay. I was both singing and playing. My friend is a kind man. I took private singing lessons in an Adult Education program at a Community College. Very serious instructor who was a professional singer. It was what I needed as she was just critical enough. I played my mandolin throughout the classes, she accompanied on piano. I still use what I got in the lessons.
    Where I really got over my fear of singing, was when I began attending a contemporary church service at this place that was 50% bikers, 25% blue haired old ladies and another 25% recovering drunks and addicts. I attended those services with the idea that I intended to "Make a joyful noise." That's what I did. Following the words on a Power Point screen and singing at the top of my lungs. Man that was fun! I just try my best not to take myself too darned seriously these days. Life is too short.
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  7. #29
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by RustyMadd View Post
    is this just me being way too extremely hard on myself or is this common?
    it is quite common at the beginning, and it is the reason I always recommend recording yourself as a vaccine for stage fright: first you're playing in front of your worst critic, then you're listening to your own playing, red-faced and squirming. After that, how bad can be playing (and failing) in front of an audience be?

    But after you've gone through some 500-ish recordings (approx.), this effect begins to wear down, as your playing gets better and your acceptance of mistakes gets stronger. Then you'll see daylight at the end of the tunnel you're digging to escape from that prison cell of fear.
    Last edited by Bertram Henze; Mar-04-2019 at 1:35am.
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  9. #30
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    I had to take a year of voice when I started college as a music major. It made my voice better, I learned many useful techniques. But I am many years older now, I still sing about the same, but I am aware that I sound much better with someone to sing against to harmonize with (I am an alto.) Know your limitations......

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  11. #31
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Tom Waits.


    Yes, take vocal lessons, they’ll help. I don’t like my voice and don’t typically sing, but have made some progress singing along with music in the car when I’m alone. Sounds silly, but singing with a purpose of improving pitch, tone, and range helps.

    If you ever truly feel suicidal, get help. I love music, but not enough to go to that place because I’m not as good at it as I want to be.im also in my mid forties, and have finally accepted that I’m very talented in some ways, and just not in others. And, it’s ok. Doesn’t mean that I don’t continue to work and improve, but my willingness to humiliate myself far exceeds any lack of talent

    Also, remember that doing a recording well isn’t easy, as every little mistake is out there. I do one for my brothers on the anniversary of my father’s death each year. I can play the old hymn like a champ, but I think it took me 6 takes to get it acceptable this year...
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  13. #32
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    For me it is 50/50 . . . sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry . . . . .

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  15. #33
    Registered User Timbofood's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    This is a very serious question, suicidal? No. Depressed? You bet!
    It’s one reason I don’t tend to want to record anymore. Playing for me is really “in the moment” it’s a living thing, never exactly the same twice, it’s emotion, it’s dynamic.
    I have a friend that does top quality video production, she’s a really tasteful editor, excellent sound engineer the full boat! She sometimes sends me things she has recorded and edited of my band, she gets upset if I tell her that I don’t listen to them. I just don’t like it. The quality is fantastic I just don’t want to see myself.
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  17. #34
    Doc Ivory Doc Ivory's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Not yet but I suspect I was dang close at times.
    We can be our own WORST critics.
    Sometimes its justifies but I suspect more times than not, our performance was just fine.
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  19. #35

    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    It's quite jarring to go from a thread that one of our members has been diagnosed with incurable cancer, to one talking about being semi-suicidal over how they sound on a recording. Use the recording as a tool to see where you need to improve, and focus on the fact that you are here to play at all.

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  21. #36
    Registered User Timbofood's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by GDAE View Post
    It's quite jarring to go from a thread that one of our members has been diagnosed with incurable cancer, to one talking about being semi-suicidal over how they sound on a recording. Use the recording as a tool to see where you need to improve, and focus on the fact that you are here to play at all.
    Bravo! Nice to see the high road isn’t always avoided, shortcomings in how “we see ourselves” is a drop in the ocean in the larger scheme.
    I have been privileged to have exchanged some banter with Mr. Kelsall on this forum and inspired by some of his stories, now that an unforeseen malady has come his way, my opinion of my musical talent seems fairly insignificant.
    There are days when the stars align and I feel like I’ve played very well, gotten great feedback and so on, other days not so much but, nothing I have ever done can compare to the grace with which I’ve seen my friend meet such a difficult diagnosis.
    I will refrain from going further onto a podium on this subject publicly.
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  23. #37

    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    I can't believe I forgot to state the most obvious path to better playing: Go buy a new mandolin that costs twice as much as what you currently have. You will be so stoked you will play more. You will have no money to do anything else. When the electricity gets shut off, you just light a candle and play. Your TV and computer won't work, and soon enough you won't have your iPad or cellphone either, just blissful practice time.
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  25. #38

    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by RustyMadd View Post
    themselves played back on a recording? Seriously, is this just me being way too extremely hard on myself or is this common? I was enjoying myself more than I ever have in my life heretofore playing and singing lead and harmony. My brain was all lighted up and I'm in the ''zone", or at least filtered through my own skull that's the way it seemed.

    Then a friend asked if she could record me- of course as fate would have it I was trying to sing this song I know I struggle with but I play it well, so I said of course. Next thing I know she plays it back for me to hear and, now I'm asking the question above.

    As one frail, frightened little ego of a human being to another, does this ever happen to you? I am very serious, so please be kind.

    Thanks for reading.

    For gosh sakes...NO! I hope this post was in the spirit of over-stating the problem, if not I hope you get some help...suicide is nothing to take lightly.
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  27. #39
    Mando-Accumulator Jim Garber's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Many decades ago I was in another band (not the one from my prior post) and we played at one of our favorite venues to a packed house. It was a really fun gig. A friend made a decent cassette tape of our performance. We all arrived for rehearsal and we played parts of the tape. It, of course, sounded a bit rough but within a week two of our members decided they didn't want to play in the band. They felt that our vocals were not strong enough. They were probably right but I think that listening to that rough tape was not the best decision. Still it was not the ending of any of our interests in music. Every person from that band is still playing years later.
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  29. #40
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by GDAE View Post
    It's quite jarring to go from a thread that one of our members has been diagnosed with incurable cancer, to one talking about being semi-suicidal over how they sound on a recording. Use the recording as a tool to see where you need to improve, and focus on the fact that you are here to play at all.
    Yes, there is always a bigger problem looming behind the one you think you have. Nevertheless, the smaller one deserves a solution, too. In fact, I was happy to post a contribution here from my own experience, which I can't in Ivan's case. This way I am not feeling utterly useless.
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  31. #41
    Registered User Dave Fultz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    I just say, that stunk, I better fix it.

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  33. #42
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    I took the OP’s mention of the “S” word as an overstatement for effect, and joined the thread. Really, can’t see anything wrong with talking about the OP’s subject. I don’t see it as any type of disrespect for Ivan, and frankly I’m embarrassed to see his name drug into this thread. There are others I know in this forum with similar diagnoses who prefer not to post about it. I lost my own mother (she was 47) to it. I lost my wife two years ago to it. I’ve lost two brothers, three business partners, and numerous aunts and uncles to it. WTH does that have to do with this thread?

    Sorry for for the rant, but I think the previous has been the worst hijack I’ve ever seen here.
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  35. #43

    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Nobody likes the sound of their own voice on a recording.

    I don't sing but the first time I recorded myself on mandolin and played it back I was surprised I was a lot better than I thought. Same with the fiddle. I'm solidly mediocre. Good enough.

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  37. #44
    Gummy Bears and Scotch BrianWilliam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Gunter View Post
    I took the OP’s mention of the “S” word as an overstatement for effect
    If true, very uncool. It sounds like you can relate.

  38. #45
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by BrianWilliam View Post
    If true, very uncool. It sounds like you can relate.
    Brian, I never said it was "cool" for OP to use that word ... only stating how I took his meaning. As far as I know, "semi-suicidal" is not a technical term, I've never heard it, but it doesn't sound the same to me as suicidal. Further, I couldn't care less how I "sound like" to you, but I can assure you I'm not suicidal, or even "semi-suicidal", if that's what you're getting at.
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  40. #46
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    If you truly are suicidal, please please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (USA)
    Call 1-800-273-8255


    2 things most musicians can benefit from:
    Lessons.
    Therapy.

    Myself included.

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  42. #47
    Gummy Bears and Scotch BrianWilliam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Gunter View Post
    Brian, I never said it was "cool" for OP to use that word ... only stating how I took his meaning. As far as I know, "semi-suicidal" is not a technical term, I've never heard it, but it doesn't sound the same to me as suicidal. Further, I couldn't care less how I "sound like" to you, but I can assure you I'm not suicidal, or even "semi-suicidal", if that's what you're getting at.
    It seems like you can relate to the frustration of insensitive treatment of a serious topic.

    Relax, we’re all friends here right?

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  44. #48
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by BrianWilliam View Post
    It seems like you can relate to the frustration of insensitive treatment of a serious topic.

    Relax, we’re all friends here right?
    Thanks for the clarification, you had me confused. And yes, friendly and very helpful board ... some of the posts that got under my skin in this thread were written by folk i consider to be friends, at least in the cyber world sense.
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  46. #49
    Registered User Timbofood's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Recording is a harsh mistress to be sure, the human ear will “adjust” to some effect, the tape does not!
    Timothy F. Lewis
    "If brains was lard, that boy couldn't grease a very big skillet" J.D. Clampett

  47. #50
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does anyone get depressed or even semi-suicidal when they hea

    Quote Originally Posted by Timbofood View Post
    Recording is a harsh mistress to be sure, the human ear will “adjust” to some effect, the tape does not!
    When I began recording, that harsh mistress showed me my timing problems. She then handed me over to her harsh sister, the metronome.

    By now, we all have a friendly, relaxed threesome.
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