Disease among musicians...Report and study

[Tom Mullen]

To my Musician friends:

I do wish to publish my report and study about a disease that is rampant among so many of us musicians..

It is known as BGMS and it is financially destructive to most musicians. Sometimes it has adverse marital side effects, but generally is also known to increase perceived social standing with other musicians in many case studies.

BGMS is short for BlueGrass Musicians Syndrome and relegates its victims to playing for $25 a night gigs (and all the beer you can drink) while spending hundreds to make that $25. Or spending hundreds and hundreds, maybe thousands, if an RV is involved, in driving/flying to and attending a Bluegrass festival and playing for days and hours on end for no compensation. Sleep deprivation, poor eating habits and elevated consumption or abuse of alcohol is so noted among many test subjects.

A similar disease is also prevalent known as MAS. (Mandolin Acquisition Syndrome). I personally contracted this disease years ago by interacting with Mandolin Cafe, whose members are known to be carriers of this and many have been tested positive. Caution and use of protection is advised. The Loar strain is 95 years old and those afflicted with this strain are not to be approached, unless invited to do so.

The deviant of this can be similarly described as BAS...Banjo Acquisition Syndrome, but is normally contracted from more vintage strains of the disease. These strains are usually 50 years old or more. The test subjects can be recognized by a bow tie, or displaying a pre-war emblem of some fashion. Some subjects have a severe case, and usually incurable. They should be acknowledged by a nod of the head and a statement of awe.

The same for GAS, but these victims are not as affected as the aforementioned, unless they also have contracted BGMS. This variation is from usually strains of 40 years old and more. Strains of the Herringbone variety are usually more expensive to acquire unless inherited by congenital relations.

Other afflictions are not as prevalent as the above, as there are only a few reported cases of DAS, and BFAS.

Caution is advised when swapping contaminated instruments at a jam session as the disease can be transferred from person to person without proper protection.

My name is Tom Mullen . I have BGMS and I am trying to warn others.... but it is probably too late to do so.��
You may add your own story and description here.

[Gary Leonard]

I avoided full blown BGMS one year ago, after suffering symptoms for almost three years. I had these feelings that I was supposed to like bluegrass, and that Bill Monroe was a god-like figure. Something in the back of my mind kept resisting these notions, but I continued learning tunes in the bluegrass style.

At a camp in 2016, I was practicing unsafe habits, swapping instruments without protection, and developed a case of CHOP. My fear of catching BREAK kept me from a full blown episode of BGMS. I can only thank the gods that I did not have an extensive background in music at this time. I came to realize that except for an occasional Kenny Baker tune, and Lonesome Moonlight Waltz, there is little bluegrass that I actually enjoy.

I am pretty sure that I built up some immunity to BGMS, as I was experimenting with a homeopathic practice called CHORO a year into my mandolin journey. With mandolin and making music such a new experience, and coupled with my AADD (Look! Something shiny!), I tried various genre in addition to my bluegrass curriculum. The final step in resisting BGMS was done primarily with strong IV infusions of ITM and Guinness.

I fully expect as I reach my golden years I will fully develop BGMS, as the virus can lie dormant for 10 years or more.

[Br1ck]

There is a vaccine that in controlled studies has been shown to be effective in controlling MAS, but it is both costly and temporary to varying degrees. Some report that greater efficacy is achieved by dosing with the more costly vaccine, and there are reports that show instances of the desease in remission for a decade or more, though this is a rare instance.

More common is the use of small doses of the relatively inexpensive vaccine produced in China. This has proven to be short lived, and over time, recent studies have shown this treatment to be more costly than the more costly pharmaceutical, given that stronger doses are needed at increasingly shorter intervals.

Then there are those that are hoarding the vaccine, particularly the more expensive variant. This has tended to keep market pricing high, as experience has taught us the value and effectiveness of the domestic treatment plan.

This still leaves the medical professionals with dealing with the psychological issues of the desease, a study still in it's infancy.

[dhergert]

Hmmm, spend your money on making a few professionally produced albums. That'll cure ya!

[Randi Gormley]

Then there is the seasonal variation of BGMS -- perhaps a different virus? -- that hits its peak in March along with an affinity for the color green. Symptoms seem to be near those of BGMS (could be a subset of the disease?) where the subject drives long distances for either no or minimal pay or the occasional pint of Guinness to participate in wholly instrumental offerings and where guitars, five-string banjos and chops are frowned on (or outright banned) in favor of lilt and stuff that makes random strangers get up and dance without moving their arms. Sufferers are often told "there's tens of dollars to be made!" on this type of outbreak which is as contagious as other, similar, diagnoses.

[HonketyHank]

Don't forget that BGTD (bluegrass transmitted disease), mandoplasmosis. This manifests itself when banjo players and mandolin players, normally natural enemies, associate with each other quite amiably until the banjo player suddenly pounces and swallows the mandolin player whole during his second break on Whiskey Before Breakfast. The culprit appears to be a tiny brain parasite that passes from the banjo fiend to the meek and gullible mandolinist by methods that should not be discussed in a family friendly forum.

[Old Growth]

Well...while I do feel for the afflicted, there is a cure for all of the above mentioned medical conditions. It is however a four letter word. This is a public community with at times children present, I assume. None the less, the four letter word which I am currently in treatment from is: WIFE

*Side-effects from my treatment include several high dollar items located in the classified section of this fine public forum.
(insert rim shot ...here..

[BJ O'Day]

None the less, the four letter word which I am currently in treatment from is: WIFE

Add "KIDS" to the list.
BJ

[ccravens]

Lots of good medical advice on this thread..

[Bertram Henze]

Then there is the seasonal variation of BGMS -- perhaps a different virus? -- that hits its peak in March along with an affinity for the color green. Symptoms seem to be near those of BGMS (could be a subset of the disease?) where the subject drives long distances for either no or minimal pay or the occasional pint of Guinness to participate in wholly instrumental offerings and where guitars, five-string banjos and chops are frowned on (or outright banned) in favor of lilt and stuff that makes random strangers get up and dance without moving their arms. Sufferers are often told "there's tens of dollars to be made!" on this type of outbreak which is as contagious as other, similar, diagnoses.

This is known as ITMS. It is carried by a TUNE type virus that has spread over the planet from an otherwise inconspicuous police office in Chicago, where samples of it were carelessly stashed and multiplied quickly. TUNE directly attacks the brain and especially the corpus callosum of helpless musicians, compromising cerebral functions for the sole purpose of feeding and breeding of more TUNE, mainly of a sub-species classified as REEL.

[Timbofood]

The disease has been known to be cyclical though, it can ebb and flow, currently I am on the quiet side of the disease.
Early on, the affliction went deep, being a small bar band which held the record for the most consecutive weeks playing the “Whistle Stop” for 59 weeks at least two and sometimes four nights a week! Of course that was when we were all young and dull of “juice”
Now, it’s the occasional private party for what was three weeks pay at the bar. So the addiction does change.
At first it’s a few times a week for not very much but then you want the bigger high...

[Charlie Bernstein]

But nothing is more contagious than LSD - Lead Singer Disease. In any band infected, it leaves only the lead singer standing.

[Br1ck]

Or the dreaded PAOS, PA owner's syndrome, especially virulent when it is the lead guitarist's.

[Astro]

Yep lessons and then years practice then...nice guitars...Nice mandos...Nice PA...thousands in a studio plus mixing and mastering...to create CD's you give away on the internet or get 5 dollars for at your 100 dollar gig,,,

The most fiscally responsible thing most musicians can do is retire.

[LadysSolo]

There is another variant, called JAMS. This is frequently where banjo players, guitarists, and mandolin players exchange strains of the virus. It is possible to avoid these meetings, but it is enjoyable to attend, and people keep returning and swapping versions of the virus. There is no known cure, but as mentioned above, WIFE (or SPOUSE if you are female) and KIDS can help keep it in check.

[Astro]

Yep lessons and then years practice then...nice guitars...Nice mandos...Nice PA...thousands in a studio plus mixing and mastering...to create CD's you give away on the internet or get 5 dollars for at your 100 dollar gig,,,

The most fiscally responsible thing most musicians can do is retire.

Boy do I sound sour here. No one does this for the money. And it is a fun addiction. I hope I'm never cured.

[ccravens]

I hope I'm never cured.

Agreed.

I'm not looking for one either!

[DavidKOS]

This thread makes me happy that I am NOT a Bluegrass musician.

[EdHanrahan]

... happy that I am NOT a Bluegrass musician.

My condolences, David: Remember that the first stage of addiction is denial!

[DavidKOS]

My condolences, David: Remember that the first stage of addiction is denial!

I have other mandolin-related "medical" issues, indeed, but BGMS ain't one of them!

I suffer from bowlbackmania, the disease that makes you think that the old Italian sound is the best there is and all those other mandolin-like objects are not quite right.

[Br1ck]

This thread makes me happy that I am NOT a Bluegrass musician.

When I took up mandolin, it was thought it would never play a bluegrass lick, ever. Not going to happen. Damn YouTube instruction videos. That first flat third lick did irreputable damage.

[Mandolin Cafe]

This thread makes me happy that I am NOT a Bluegrass musician.

You're clearly a wise one, dabbling in Italian classical music and gypsy jazz, where the real money is.

[DavidKOS]

You're clearly a wise one, dabbling in Italian classical music and gypsy jazz, where the real money is.

Funny thing is, I actually play paying gigs in those styles!

No one would pay to hear my bad attempt at Bluegrass.

Here's my last Gypsy Jazz guitar gig:

https://www.facebook.com/thesequoiar...3692030505806/

[MikeZito]

I am not sure what the proper name is . . . but I am OFTEN struck by some sort of strange musical memory-related syndrome.

Some nights I will be on stage and reach a certain point in some song - when I suddenly realize that I have absolutely no idea what the next lyric and/or chord is . . . but then, by some strange magic, or a great gift from God, the lyric unexpectedly comes out of my mouth and/or my fingers automatically form the proper chord.

On the flip side - there are other nights when I will be performing, and even though I know EXACTLY what I am supposed to play or sing . . . I open my mouth, or make a chord change - and in a split-second, everything goes completely blank.

The only saving grace in all of this is that 99% of the songs that I perform live are original compositions . . . so, if I screw it up, nobody knows!

[LadysSolo]

I have other mandolin-related "medical" issues, indeed, but BGMS ain't one of them!

I suffer from bowlbackmania, the disease that makes you think that the old Italian sound is the best there is and all those other mandolin-like objects are not quite right.

I also have bowlbackmania, and an additional affliction: Celticitis. I apparently have many viruses!