Hearing yourself without playing too loud in a band

[Jess L.]

One of our worst fights we ever had was when I "pushed" her into us buying a boat.
20 years later she cried her eyes out when I sold it.
We also had to push her mom to get on a boat.
Her mom loved going on boats later on.
Same goes for "pushing" her to go contra dancing.
Same goes for "pushing" to change jobs.
Same goes for getting married (close to 40 years now)
Same goes for having kids.
Same goes for not having more kids. ...

Wow.

That approach would not have worked on me, I'd have been long gone and out the door before anyone had a chance to do *that* much "pushing".

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. It if works for the two of you, then it's no one else's business. But from the music problems described, I'm not sure that approach is working with regards to music.

... She pushes me to practice and sign up for fiddle camp.
She even researches to find a camp I might enjoy. ...

But there can be a difference between researching vs pushing.

I do most of the "research" in this household, because I'm comfortable with computers and rooting around on the internet looking for info, whereas my man is not.

But I don't make decisions for him - instead I look up as much as I can find of the info that he's interested in or that he's specifically requested, then I share the info with him without trying to skew it one way or the other, and then he makes his own decisions. He's not a puppet, he's not a child, he's a grown man (and a self-starter) who doesn't require anyone "pushing" him to do stuff. Likewise, he doesn't push me into stuff.

Maybe that's the difference, a personality type difference? Self-starters don't need to be pushed, they get into new things just fine without having someone standing over their shoulder and cracking the whip to make them comply with someone else's expectations.

... I'll decide if I'm "pushing" too hard and decide if it's worth it or not. ...

Eek. That's a little worrisome. But hey, what do I know.

Just be aware that sometimes "pushing" backfires. People can eventually get to the "straw that broke the camel's back" thing with the pushing, and rebel. If/when it ever reaches that point, all the pushing in the world won't make a bit of difference. I've seen numerous instances of marriages that lasted for 30, 40, 50+ years that eventually reached that point of no-return, where one person finally couldn't take it any more and bailed. Same deal with parents pushing their kids - the kids will go along with it for a while because they don't know any better, but eventually they may realize that what they've been pushed into doesn't suit them.

... I've made mistakes just like playing the wrong notes in a band.
But I usually get most of them right, eventually. ...

It's good to have that confidence.

... She might not even go for the hat. She'll be more worried about hat hair than playing the right notes.

Maybe she just needs to find a totally awesome hat (seriously!) that she likes to wear *all* the time. One thing about it, if the hat is never taken off, no one would ever notice "hat hair" thus she'd have no cause for concern. The hat could be her trademark. You think I'm kidding? I'm not! That's basically what I did in my 20s, I settled on a hat I liked (different reason, got tired of the wind blowing my hair in my face when working outdoors, did *not* want to cut my hair super short, found that a normal hat functioned as a societally-acceptable 'headband' and kept my hair under control) and I wore the heck out of that hat *all* the time in public. (Never had to go to court, didn't do church anymore because it didn't coincide with my work schedule, no reason to take the hat off.)

[mswlogo]

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[liestman]

I must have missed what was so insulting about JL277z's post. I think a lot of people have commented both on the technical/gear side of the question and the behavioral/emotional side, but you are going to have to take what advice you choose and not worry about the rest. I truly hope you and her find success and happiness. It sounds like it is a difficult task that may be outside the powers of folks offering a paragraph or two on the forum without really knowing your situation close at hand.

[pit lenz]

Dear mswlogo,
your more than rude overreaction shows how much JL277z‘s post hit the nail on the head.
Not in a single word did she insult you but just showed a personal opinion that might not have met your taste.

If you take the time to look at this forum a bit closer, you‘ll find out that we take pride in respecting others‘ opinions without insulting them back. That‘s what this church is all about.
So be so kind to watch your tounge, if you will.

Respectfully
Pit

[mswlogo]

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[liestman]

Well bless your heart!

[mswlogo]

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[mswlogo]

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