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Thread: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

  1. #1
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    Default Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    "What's your favorite pickup to put on a banjo?"

    "F-150"

    Festival season's comin' up - anybody got any new ones?
    rfloyd

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    Registered User T.D.Nydn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    I like the one that was going around,,,what did the mandolin player do ,standing by the river minding their own business ,when a banjo player walks up and hands you their banjo?

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    Middle-Aged Old-Timer Tobin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by rfloyd View Post
    Festival season's comin' up - anybody got any new ones?
    When you see a banjo player tuning up, offer this: "I'd help you tune that banjo, but I left my wire clippers at home."

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by T.D.Savant View Post
    I like the one that was going around,,,what did the mandolin player do ,standing by the river minding their own business ,when a banjo player walks up and hands you their banjo?
    I absolutely don't get this.

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    My two favs are

    How is a blind javelin thrower and a banjo player alike?

    Nether has to be very good to get your attention.

    Cop pulls over this car for speeding and he starts to walk up he see the I heart banjo sticker in the rear window. The driver rolls down the window and the cops says " do you have any ID?" The banjo player stares at him and says "bout what?"

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by AlanN View Post
    I absolutely don't get this.
    "For a clown fish, he's not very funny."

  10. #7
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    My favorite: "How do you know a banjo pickers at your front door?"
    "He knocks too loud and comes in at the wrong time."
    Kentucky KM950 and loving it.

  11. #8
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by AlanN View Post
    I absolutely don't get this.
    I'm right there with you...

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by AlanN View Post
    I absolutely don't get this.
    I think T.D. wants us to guess the punchline... I've got nothin'

  13. #10
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by keithb View Post
    I think T.D. wants us to guess the punchline... I've got nothin'
    Could it be throw it in the river?

    "A banjo player spends half their time tuning and the other half playing out of tune"....eh it's an oldie but goodie

  14. #11
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    another old joke, but still one of my favorites:

    What do you say to a banjo player in a 3 piece suit?
    The defendant will now rise.

    Joseph Baker

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    I hope the river wasn't frozen.

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    What do drummers and banjo pickers have in common?

    They like to hang around with musicians.
    David Hopkins

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

    No one cries when you cut up a banjo.



    How can you tell if the stage is level?
    If the banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth.


    What do you see in the middle of the road before you see a dead skunk that you don't see before a crushed banjo?
    Skid marks


    "Doctor, doctor will I be able to play the banjo after the operation?"
    "Lord, I hope not"

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  20. #15
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by AlanN View Post
    I absolutely don't get this.
    You can't throw a banjo in the same river twice?
    "The paths of experimentation twist and turn through mountains of miscalculations, and often lose themselves in error and darkness!"
    --Leslie Daniel, "The Brain That Wouldn't Die."

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    Registered User T.D.Nydn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Well,i tried to tie it in with that thread about the "banjo throwing competition" in the Hudson river,,,but I guess a lot of people didn't read that,,or get it or whatever.

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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Definition of perfect pitch: When the banjo doesn't hit the side of the Demster Dumpster

  23. #18
    Registered User Londy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

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    "Money is a complication man created that the universe doesn't care about."

    Amateurs practice until they can play it right.
    Professionals practice until they can't play it wrong.

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  25. #19

    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by AlanN View Post
    I absolutely don't get this.
    Something to do with adjusting the "bridge" I was thinking ... but couldn't put it together. Either a Zen master or a banjo player must've come up with that joke.

    Banjo player: I've got a great knock-knock joke!
    Mando player: Let's hear it!
    Banjo player: You start.

  26. #20
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Quote Originally Posted by keithb View Post
    I think T.D. wants us to guess the punchline... I've got nothin'
    Heck, I think he wants us to guess the set-up, too. I'm stumped. It's as if a banjo player were trying to write a joke. Anyway ...

    If you throw a banjo, an accordion, a set of bagpipes, and a musical saw off the top of a building, which will hit the ground first?

    Who cares, as long as they all do.

    If you throw a banjo, an accordion, a set of bagpipes, and a musical saw off the top of a building, which will hit the ground last?

    The banjo - it'll have to stop in the middle and retune.

    Quote Originally Posted by Clinton Johnson View Post
    "A banjo player spends half their time tuning and the other half playing out of tune"
    Hey now! That's supposed to be a mandolin joke! Banjos take all our leads; don't let them take our jokes, too!
    But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. - Dennis Miller

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  28. #21
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    Q: What's worse than a banjo?
    A: Two banjos.

    Q: Why is a 5-string banjo better than a banjo-mandolin?
    A: It burns longer.

    Q: What do you call 1000 banjo pickers at the bottom of the sea?
    A: A good start.

    Q: How does a banjo picker count armadillos?
    A: "One diller, and two dillers, and another diller, and another..."

    Q: How many banjo pickers does it take to eat an armadillo?
    A: Three. Two are needed to hold traffic.

    Q: What's the difference between hearing a banjo solo and getting a root canal?
    A: Good question.
    Mandos: Coleman & Soviet ovals; Kay & Rogue A5's; Harmonia F2 & mandola
    Ukuleles: 3 okay tenors; 3 cheap sopranos; Harmonia concert & baritone
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    Others: Maffick & First Act dulcimers; Mexican cuatro-menor; Puerto Rican cuatro; Martin tiple; electrics
    Wanted: charango; balalaika; bowlback mando

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  30. #22

    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    These are adapted from jokes about a stringed instrument that would be the orchestras counterpart to the banjo...

    Whats the difference between a coffin and a banjo?

    ~the dead person is on the inside.

    If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for? A good banjo player, a bad banjo player or an oasis?

    ~ The bad banjo player. The other two are only figments of your imagination

    What do you call a bunch of banjo players in a hot tub?

    ~Vegetable soup.

    And one for the instrument these were really meant for:

    Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?

    ~They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

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  32. #23

    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    This reminds me, we're nearly out of Laffy Taffy.

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  34. #24
    Registered User Ivan Kelsall's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

    From TD's post - "....when a banjo player walks up and hands you their banjo?".I reckon that the banjo player was about to take a very long,very deep dip in the river. As an aside to that point,when visiting Mammoth Caves National Park back in '92,& having stayed at the Hotel overnight,the following morning i took a walk down the path to Green River. I slipped on the greasy mud & slid down the bank & was only stopped from falling in by grabbing hold of a small tree growing out of the bank - i didn't have my banjo with me !. Please post any comments below,
    Ivan
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    Default Re: Best Banjo joke I've heard in a while

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