Dealing With Spouse

[RhodyMando]

How do you tell your wife that you now want to keep the "A" Style mandolin you said you would sell if she let you buy a nice "F" style mandolin? I really did plan to sell it, but I am having trouble parting with it.

[terzinator]

Put it up for sale at a ridiculously high price.

If it actually sells, well, win-win.

[ianbarton]

Put a fake scroll on it and pass it off as a new F Style?

[jclover]

I am a firm believer in asking for forgiveness rather than permission in the first place.

[journeybear]

I sure hope she doesn't know about this website! Seeing this thread could ruin everything for you.

Terzinator has the right idea. As long as she hasn't insisted you actually SELL the A model, and making an effort is good enough. Or seeming to make an effort ...

You could buy her something nice she's really wanted for a long time ... but that's a slippery slope.

[RhodyMando]

Thanks. I was considering doing just that.

[RhodyMando]

I think I am going to go with Terzinator's idea.

[Kevin Briggs]

RhodyMando:

Good question. There are no easy answers.

By all means, be up front about it and don't do anything impulsive. Maybe you should just save your money a little longer so you don't need to sell the A. Let her know what you want, let her know how you plan to get it, and then be open to feedback. I can't see a strong argument against you taking a few months to save a bit more money to get what you really want.

Along with this, it's important to maintain what you want even if she disagrees. That doesn't mean you just do whatever despite what she thinks. It means you listen and collaborate, but you keep your eye on the prize. She'll respect you for staying focused on what you want, and will probably appreciate that you are willing to discuss it and take her thoughts into account.

Hope that helps.

[darrylicshon]

Try to get her to learn the mandolin and let her use your A

[terzinator]

Terzinator:

Good question. There are no easy answers.

Um, I was the one with the answer, not the question.

By all means, be up front about it and don't do anything impulsive. Maybe you should just save your money a little longer so you don't need to sell the A.

I think he already got the F. Now he has to deal with the bargain he made to get it.

[barney 59]

It's simple --for you to get something you want make sure she gets something she wants------ and no, it's not a new vacuum cleaner!

[Astro]

Beg, whine, connive or do what you must to work up to about a dozen instruments with cases sitting around. Because after that, they don't tend to notice an occasional new one.

And yes, anyone who sends a link of the forum to a spouse will be considered a Cafe Trader !

(kidding of course...sort of...)

[Rob Meldrum]

Hmm. For the first time I am underwhelmed by the responses from the good folks here. If you said you would sell the A style in order to get the OK to buy the F style, you made a deal. Are you the kind of person who keeps the deals they make, or are you the kind of person that likes to renegotiate everything as soon as they get what they want?

I've been the president of condo associations and homeowners associations, I'm the officer in a boating organition, I've owned a company, been a mid-level manager in several companies, and I've been an employee in a few companies. I've reached the stage where I don't have a lot of compassion for people that want to re-work the deal once they get what they came for.

Everyone likes the rules until the rules get applied to them.

Now, would someone please help me move the soapbox back to where it came from? My speech is over. :-)

[Steve Zawacki]

Tell her you were advised by old wise mandolinists of the necessity to maintain three types of mandolins - A-style, F-style and Flattop. It's somewhat similar to having multiple pairs of shoes, so that the right shoes/mandolin is there to meet the need of the moment. You didn't realize this at first, but have learned a lot about having different kinds of the same item (like shoes) from her, and she is right. You are two-thirds to having what you should as a proper mandolinist, and thank her for her wisdom and understanding.

If this works, I've earned a beer....

[Gregory Tidwell]

Suggest to her the market is just way down for A's now, and as you want to really live up to the spirit of your bargain, you think "the family should just wait" to sell it.

[Kevin Briggs]

Tell her you were advised by old wise mandolinists of the necessity to maintain three types of mandolins - A-style, F-style and Flattop. It's somewhat similar to having multiple pairs of shoes, so that the right shoes/mandolin is there to meet the need of the moment. You didn't realize this at first, but have learned a lot about having different kinds of the same item (like shoes) from her, and she is right. You are two-thirds to having what you should as a proper mandolinist, and thank her for her wisdom and understanding.

If this works, I've earned a beer....

Steve,

This is a good enough approach, except you forget to include two-points, and you forgot to add that every mando player needs An A, F, and Flat Top... one of each with an oval hole, and one of each with f holes. So, the tally is:

Oval Hole:
A
F
FT
TP (two-point)

Florentine:
A
F
FT
TP (two-point)

That's eight mandolins. Then, you can start focusing on the extended mandolin family.

Seriously though, I'd go nuts with eight mandolins. It's enough work keeping one well set up with new strings, well-cared for, and played with regularity. Two is most likely my max. In that scenario, I'd want An A with f holes and an A with an oval hole.

[journeybear]

¡Ay, caramba! If the OP is concerned about the effect getting a second mandolin will have on his marriage, what do you think would happen if he went down this rabbit hole? He needs a strategy that will gain him a mandolin without losing a wife. Overkill is not the way to go!

[Timbofood]

You have to have one for a second tuning, it's a simple requirement! But, yeah, by her something truly special! Maybe a mandola?
Maybe get the mandolin and put a beautiful diamond pendant or some other fabulous piece of jewelry of reasonably close value or greater in the inside pocket. "Look what came with it!!"
That way you have a little wiggle room for the next purchase. I have been in the jewelry pool for a long time and advised many husbands on this very sort of thing! PM me if you need help, happy to advise. Also never give a wallet or jewelry box with nothing in it, seriously bad JUJU!

[Bill Snyder]

Rob is correct. If she agreed to the purchase of the f-style on the condition that you sell the a-style then sell the a-style. Being a man of honor is what she will appreciate.

[Bill Bradshaw]

How do you tell your wife that you now want to keep the "A" Style mandolin you said you would sell if she let you buy a nice "F" style mandolin? I really did plan to sell it, but I am having trouble parting with it.

Had the same scenario at my house. I promised to sell the A to help pay for the F. I hung on to the A for a couple of years, but finally honored my promise. It was kinda weird letting it go. It really wasn't getting much play time, but it felt like losing a good friend. I never imagined being sentimental about it. Oh well, someone else can enjoy it now; it's a good A.

Good luck convincing your wife.

Bill

[Austin Bob]

Well, you might just try being honest with her.

[mrmando]

Sell the F.

[journeybear]

He'd have to buy the F first to do that. The OP isn't clear on that point.

Well, you might just try being honest with her.

Does that really work in marriages?

[f5joe]

I think the lesson here is first, sell the A model as you proposed. Second, never make such an offer in the future. I learned long ago that asking permission is the kiss of death to my personal freedom. You must find a way to do these types of sales/trades that works for both you and your spouse.

[Steve Zawacki]

Steve,

This is a good enough approach, except you forget to include two-points, and you forgot to add that every mando player needs An A, F, and Flat Top... one of each with an oval hole, and one of each with f holes. So, the tally is:

Oval Hole:
A
F
FT
TP (two-point)

Florentine:
A
F
FT
TP (two-point)

That's eight mandolins. Then, you can start focusing on the extended mandolin family.

Seriously though, I'd go nuts with eight mandolins. It's enough work keeping one well set up with new strings, well-cared for, and played with regularity. Two is most likely my max. In that scenario, I'd want An A with f holes and an A with an oval hole.

Good point! Of course, the two-point could be compromised away - for the greater good. However, the OP never brought up whether an amp and pickup was already installed on his mandolin, and mandolins with installed electronics should also be part of the package.

Perhaps the OP should consider borrowing a banjo and tell the spouse the best offer he's gotten on the A-style is a trade for a banjo. If the OP cannot play the banjo, just strumming it for about ten minutes should sway the discussion.