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Thread: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

  1. #1
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Crazy stuff:

    Man Sues Girlfriend After She Poses As Him and Sabotaged His Music Scholarship

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    The story: http://nationalpost.com/news/canada/...larinet-career
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  2. #2
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Yes, life is teaching tougher lessons than most music teachers...
    the world is better off without bad ideas, good ideas are better off without the world

  3. #3

    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Shucks I thought it was gonna be about a female dressing up in a man's suit & mustache (or whatever) and pretending to be him at his audition, and intentionally playing very badly so that he got turned down. But the article wasn't quite what I was expecting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bertram Henze View Post
    Yes, life is teaching tougher lessons than most music teachers...
    Yeah. Several lessons in there. Not to blame the victim or anything, but one should never share passwords, especially with people you've only known for a short time (less than a few years, at least - if ever), even if you 'think' you can trust them. Ya just never know what crazy stuff people will do... people hide so many insecurities and freaky weirdness (the female in the article who didn't want her boyfriend to move) that their behavior can be quite, um, 'unpredictable' at best.

    "Today's friend is tomorrow's enemy" an' all that.

    The article said they can't track her down, so "good luck" getting any monetary payments from her. Nice to get a judgment, but getting the person to pay up, is another matter.

    I'm reminded of something the old talk show host Bruce Williams used to say in the 1980s and maybe beyond:

    "The best revenge is to live well."

    That does *not* mean let people walk all over you, there's a time and place for action, but you have to choose your battles carefully. Acquiring a track record of litigation and court action and publicity surrounding that, isn't necessarily the best way to get hired... depends on the field of work I guess. Some employers are turned off by that sort of thing.

    Anyway, hope everything turns out ok (and better!) eventually for the unfortunate fellow in the article. Just going by the snippets of information in the article, it sounds like he did *not* deserve any of the treatment he got from her.

  4. #4

    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    I heard David Grier perform one of his own compositions called "Everybody Loves the Crazy Till the Crazy Falls in Love with You". It seems to apply here. I have not been able to find it recorded anywhere or on video unfortunately.

    Kind of like a bumper sticker that read "It is better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with the crazy the rest of your life."

  5. #5
    The Amateur Mandolinist Mark Gunter's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    @JL277z - Love you, but I think maybe there's a small bit of female bias there, because you do seem to be a bit negative on the victim. I agree though on the part about being careful with passwords, etc.

    I think we have to concede that both actors in this drama were young and suffered from the naivety of youth. Taking the article at face value, the young man's immaturity resulted in trusting the young woman with too much personal info, while hers resulted in proactively abusing his trust and harming him. She deserved the judgment, and he was right to seek it, IMO, regardless of whether he ever sees a red cent of the judgment.
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  6. #6

    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Gunter View Post
    ... you do seem to be a bit negative on the victim. ...
    Not intended. I mentioned the negative aspects as cautionary advice for other people who (for some reason) may not be aware of how dishonest & manipulative that some people can be.

    IMO it is absolutely inexcusable to take advantage of someone else's trust, that's one of the "lowest of the low" things possible.

    As to litigation, well, maybe things have changed. In the old days, complainants might end up marked as "troublemakers" & sometimes blacklisted. I worked at a company once whose job application had a question, "Have you EVER been involved in ANY type of litigation?" Applicants who answered yes, had their applications discarded without further consideration. Of course that was also back in the day when some other companies would outright tell certain applicants, "We don't hire [women/Blacks/whatever], no sense in you bothering to fill out that application." (Thanks, that saved me some time.) Employers were also still allowed to inquire as to whether or not a female applicant intended to get married or have kids anytime soon, either of which could (depending on the industry) disqualify her as a potential employee (employers didn't want to invest in training someone only to have them leave a year later to start a family). So... obviously, many things have changed in the employment sector. Maybe suing the pants off of someone no longer makes a person seem like a 'risky' employee?

    I have not worked in the music industry nor in academia though, maybe they do things differently.

  7. #7
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Quote Originally Posted by JL277z View Post
    "Have you EVER been involved in ANY type of litigation?"
    Police officer: "have you been drinking Sir?"
    Me (in the car): "No"
    Police officer: "why not?"
    (True story)

    "No" is the correct answer to any question you don't understand. Chances are good that the person who asks doesn't understand it either.
    the world is better off without bad ideas, good ideas are better off without the world

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    Registered User Ivan Kelsall's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    IMHO - Her act was totally despicable. The fact that she apparently didn't want him to move away,tells me that she had real feelings for her boyfriend - but you don't do that to somebody that you are supposed to care for - you help them !!.

    How many times have we seen films where part of the storyline is that one partner or another has to work totally irregular & unsociable hours,resulting in one of them deciding to split ?. For me - supposing that the situation was like that from the begining,they knew what the were getting into - so they have no real reason to complain.

    My wife used to be a nurse,& went to work for a Care Home,looking after elderly people - she worked nights,8pm to 8am. I used to see her for 2 hours a day for 5 days a week. That was the case for nearly 10 years,until she went to work for another Care Home & worked a day shift.

    The bottom line is that if you're in a relationship with somebody that you really care for - help them in any way possible - as most folk do,
    Ivan
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  10. #9

    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan Kelsall View Post
    ... The fact that she apparently didn't want him to move away,tells me that she had real feelings for her boyfriend - ...
    Looking at other couples' relationships over the years, I've seen far too many instances of what they think is "feelings" that turn out to be nothing more than a complete control-trip.

    In those situations, of course Person "A" doesn't want to lose Person "B", because then Person A wouldn't have anyone to control anymore. They seem to become addicted to the sense of power that they feel when they can manipulate someone else's life.

    It's pathetic and disgusting, but seems to be not at all uncommon.

    The control-freak often disguises their behavior as "love" or "caring". This is how people fall for it, "Oh she must really care about me, otherwise she wouldn't call me 15 times a day to ask me where I'm at." Slowly the other person gets emotionally beat down and they figure that's all they deserve, so they stay around anyway.

    Big difference between "controlling" and "love".

    But, what all this has to do with mandolins, I have no idea but we better think up something quick before the moderators start scolding us for taking up bandwidth on non-mandolin things. Oh! What about that Bill Monroe/poker incident? Maybe (I have no clue!) that girlfriend could have been in the "control freak" category? Dunno, first time I ever heard of the "poker mandolin" was reading some reference to it here at MandolinCafe...

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  12. #10
    but that's just me Bertram Henze's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Quote Originally Posted by JL277z View Post
    But, what all this has to do with mandolins, I have no idea but we better think up something quick before the moderators start scolding us for taking up bandwidth on non-mandolin things.
    Suggestions from the real world of Mandolin Cafe threads:
    - woodshedding
    - smuggling the new mandolin into the house

    Each can be explained as considerate behavior or shame about being a spendthrift, or it can be explained as jealousy rageing inside the significant other.
    -
    the world is better off without bad ideas, good ideas are better off without the world

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  14. #11
    Registered User Ivan Kelsall's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    From JL277z - "...that turn out to be nothing more than a complete control-trip.". Yes - it can be that way,my brother in law is just such a person = anything goes as long as it's what he says. It seems that these folk can't cope with anything outside of ''what they want''. In fact,my BIL now refuses to speak to my wife & myself, because we still remain friends with his now 'ex wife' - she divorced him because of his controlling habits.

    Anyway this has no mandolin content - i'm gone,
    Ivan
    Weber F-5 'Fern'.
    Lebeda F-5 "Special".
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  16. #12

    Default Re: A Tragic Operetta (NMC)

    Quote Originally Posted by Bertram Henze View Post
    Suggestions from the real world of Mandolin Cafe threads:
    - woodshedding
    - smuggling the new mandolin into the house

    Each can be explained as considerate behavior or shame about being a spendthrift, or it can be explained as jealousy rageing inside the significant other.
    Good points.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ivan Kelsall View Post
    ... It seems that these folk can't cope with anything outside of ''what they want''. ...
    And when one of those types infiltrates an existing jam or session etc, all sorts of problems can arise - stuff like:

    "You people are all playing the wrong chords, you should play it this way instead, this is the right way."

    Or, for groups who sometimes use written musical memory-assistance (aka standard notation or tab), nitpicky stuff like:

    "Your notation is all wrong, it's supposed to be written in 2/4, not 4/4. Here, let me fix it for you." (Comes back next week with a big stack of freshly-printed completely reformatted sheet music in some tiny font that no one can read and expects everyone to use it without question and with no further revisions allowed.)

    (Sheesh... 2/4, 4/4, it all plays the same, and IMO 4/4 is easier to read. Besides, it's folk music, there are no 'rules'.)

    Even if the person happens to be right about something, nevertheless it's uncool if they just barge right in and try to take over, when perhaps the jam has been happily doing it a 'different' way for years.[1]

    Although I certainly have no problem with someone tactfully offering suggestions for how to improve stuff, sometimes improvements would never occur if someone didn't bring up a particular topic, but a lot of it is in the presentation and as long as they don't inappropriately[2] go all control-freak on everyone.

    (See, now the thread is about music again!)



    Footnotes:

    1. I know of one public open jam which was actually destroyed by such unwelcome controlling behavior by one individual, who just happened upon the already quite-successful group and tried to take over. After close to a year of the rest of the group trying various polite diplomatic attempts at getting the troublemaker to calm down, the jam finally just shut down because no one could stomach the control-freak's ruinous attitude and ideas (the majority of his ideas were incorrect and not helpful anyway). The jam was not on private property, so he couldn't simply be told to leave the premises. After the jam shut down, some of the members went on to hold a private invitation-only "house" jam at one of their homes, better than nothing I guess, more like a band though, same people every week, in some ways not quite as interesting as an open jam where you never know which curious peculiar (nice) instruments might show up that week.

    2. I suppose if it was the person's own jam, or especially if it was their own formal band, they would have more reason or (in the case of a commercial band) even a necessity to be 'encouraging' people to play stuff in a certain way, to try to achieve some sort of musical 'vision' in the sound output. Bit of a different situation than informal public jams.

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