Re: Hearing yourself without playing too loud in a band
I don't have any technical advice (except she can be glad if she doesn't wear hearing aids to compound the problem). However, I think NursinDaBlues (post 6) has very good advice.
Things I've found that might be useful in getting over self-consciousness include:
1) As NursinDaBlues says, working as a duo at home until she's feels confident in being able with her musical partner to play a couple of pieces at a jam. (I wouldn't rule out you working with her, though I think for many couples playing with another person is good advice.)
2) Finding a small number of musicians to play with before going to a bigger, public venue. For less-experienced musicians, it helps a great deal to have a more-experienced musician (you?) as leader (but not dictator), even if everyone has to chip in a few bucks to get that person.
3) Going to or starting a slow jam. There's a recent thread about that. Again you need someone with jamming competence for a guide.
4) Watching what happens when others make mistakes at jams. If everyone makes faces, destroys the offending instrument, or chases away the musician, then she doesn't belong there. In most jams I've been to, the worst that happens is people laugh. And if you are laughed at, that's usually a sign that you're accepted as a competent musician.
All the best.
Robert Johnson's mother, describing blues musicians:
"I never did have no trouble with him until he got big enough to be round with bigger boys and off from home. Then he used to follow all these harp blowers, mandoleen (sic) and guitar players."
Lomax, Alan, The Land where The Blues Began, NY: Pantheon, 1993, p.14.
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