does it matter that much?

[Bertram Henze]

There is a way to rule out disturbing habits: record yourself. Make a video of yourself playing, singing, whatever you do. Don't show it to your friends, show it to yourself. If you feel like tapping along and think "hey, I'd like to play like that", you're good to go because you passed in front of your worst critic.

[A#Bb]

Thank you everyone for your words of advice and encouragement concerning this particular subject. i'm definitely looking forward to the jam this Thursday night!!

As most of you have stated, this is the beginning of a long journey and one that i'm willing to accept because i love playing and learning all i can about the mandolin. I've tried guitar, I've tried a fiddle, but my fingers always come back to this wonderful instrument!

as most of you pointed out, yes, the other mandolin players "advice" wasn't given to me in the "best tone" of voice or the best way, but i will use it as a positive thing and keep on moving forward. it is a bit ironic though, i have been working even harder on three fingers chords since then!

Thanks again for your help and your support! I appreciate it very much!

[sbhikes]

In my experience, I got mostly under-the-breath "commentary". I wasn't always sure what was being communicated. I'm very sensitive. I'm a woman, too. People would just look at me and I'd think I was doing something terribly wrong. Nobody ever actually gave me any outright advice. I don't know if I would have been mortified or grateful because I couldn't even get advice when I asked for it. In any case, I tried to learn from it all, real or imagined. So long as I didn't disrupt things they were happy to have me there. Over the years I have been able to witness new people who really are disruptive, and I've had to talk to at least one or two of them. It's hard to do. It doesn't sound like you were being disruptive. Sounds more like they liked you and wanted you to come back and play more like they do. Still hurts no matter how nice people are, though, so I get that.

[JeffD]

Still hurts no matter how nice people are, though, so I get that.

I agree, and it is good of you to remind me. I have been on both ends of this, and I should not need reminding.

I get caught up in the "right answer" myself and more often than I want I miss the impact I am having.

Constructive feedback is still criticism. And nobody "wants" to hear it.

Sometimes having something to say is way over rated.

[F-2 Dave]

My group plays a lot of stuff that's not bluegrass. I've found some times when I thought the sound of the two finger chord was better suited for the song we were playing. Learn what you can, play what you like.

[Dan Krhla]

Lots of words, lots of thought.

I'd go with 5 words, all you really need:

Serve the song, have fun.

[mandocaster]

I would bet that many on this forum have received a similar message themselves. 37 years ago I was at the the now defunct Kerrville bluegrass festival. I was very pleased with myself that I knew major 7 and 9 chords. A fellow named David Kahn (I have no idea where he is now) pulled me aside from the campfire jam and informed me that what I was playing did not work with what the rest of the jammers were playing. I was mortified and slunk away. I still remember that moment and squirm a little.
The thing is, he was completely correct. I have spent a lot of time on back-up playing since. It can be hard.
You don't have to like the tactless person who criticized you, but you might be able to use the incident positively on your musical journey.

[Bertram Henze]

You don't have to like the tactless person who criticized you, but you might be able to use the incident positively on your musical journey.

The question of how to deal with bad backing is a favorite one in ITM. Often, chord players are being ignored to death (session players have psycic powers for that), but there are reports of kicking under the table as well.

[foldedpath]

The question of how to deal with bad backing is a favorite one in ITM. Often, chord players are being ignored to death (session players have psycic powers for that), but there are reports of kicking under the table as well.

When I first started playing Irish trad and was doing more backing on guitar than melody on mandolin, I got the stink eye a few times in a session.

This was from a very good fiddler who led the session, and later turned into a good friend. With a frown and quick shake of the head, he was giving me a heads-up that my chord selections were wrong. So, knock it off, sit this one out, and enjoy the music. The Golden Rule for ITM backers is "do no wrong" (don't distract the melody players), and I was doing that. So I learned to only play guitar backing on tunes I knew well enough, or that were similar enough to other tunes that I could quickly suss out the appropriate chords.

Now I don't have to worry about that in sessions, because I only play melody on mandolin or (barely) flute. At home, I'll still sometimes play guitar backing for my fiddler S.O., and she will give me the occasional stink eye if I'm drifting out of the implied harmonic space of the tune. Hey, nobody's perfect!

Those shifting tonal centers and hexatonic-scale tunes in Irish trad aren't easy to deal with, as a backer. It's why this kind of thing probably happens more often in Irish trad than OldTime or Bluegrass, where the chords are usually more definitive and locked-down.

[Bertram Henze]

In ITM, many tunes are harmonically ambiguous. Every melody player hears an implied harmony behind it, and every one hears a different one. So whatever you do as accompanist, you make a decision on everybody's behalf, and half the pack will hate it. If you are proficient in backing, that is.

[CES]

My father was a defensive line coach who once told me, "if I ever stop coaching you, then you'll know there's a problem, because I'll think you're just not worth the effort." Sometimes "coaching" meant positive reinforcement, sometimes constructive criticism, and sometimes a good cussing out. It sounds harsh, but was meant with love, and received that way. Sometimes my feelings got hurt, but I learned to get over that and hear how he was trying to help me. A Marine Raider grandfather, a junior high basketball coach, and a tough as nails football coach in high school taught me similar lessons. Going through it, there were times I wanted to throat punch all of them. Looking back, I'm grateful that I never stopped trying to get better, and none of them ever stopped coaching/teaching me.

I completely validate your initial reaction to this guy's advice, but would give it some time to see if he's a jackass, or someone who recognizes you're trying and wants to help, but just doesn't have the tact to keep it from sounding like criticism. Don't stop going, have a blast making music, and try to improve. If the guy turns out to be a jackass, ignore him. If he turns out to be someone who loves the music and is trying to help, maybe you can help each other grow...

[Loubrava]

There is a way to rule out disturbing habits: record yourself. Make a video of yourself playing, singing, whatever you do. Don't show it to your friends, show it to yourself. If you feel like tapping along and think "hey, I'd like to play like that", you're good to go because you passed in front of your worst critic.

Great advice ! Nothing like hearing yourself recorded.

[colorado_al]

2 different issues here.
1 - If you are leading the song, play it the way you like. You're the leader and if you want to play it on 2 finger chords at half time, go for it! If you want to play in a different key, or change the order of solos, that is your call when you're leading the tune.
2 - great to learn 3 and 4 finger chords, but if you don't have that down enough to play at the speed of the jam, play your 2 finger chords.

I've been playing mandolin for 22 years, and I know 3 and 4 finger "standard" bluegrass chords backwards and forwards. I almost never use them, especially if there is another mandolin player who is playing them. You can learn to chop using 2 finger chords with a quick cover on the strings with your other fingers. There are so many ways to play the same chords on mandolin, don't get boxed in.

The real key to playing with others is not how you use your fingers, but how you use your ears. Learn to listen to those you're playing with, and as you develop your technique, you can blend your sound with theirs using any number of possibilities.
Keep playing your way, and keep listening and learning!