Afraid to play for others - advice?

[CSIMelissa]

I hate to admit it, but the thought of playing for other people scares the pie out of me. Any advice? Granted I know there's the obvious thing - just do it - but seriously, does anyone have any helpful thoughts/experience on how to get over this?

Public speaking is fine. I've done radio and television interviews a million times for the books I write and I'm fine with that too. Put my mando in my hands and tell me to play for others and I can't function or play worth a darn. (Especially since some of my friends are professional musicians and they want to hear me play.) I'm just too scared of screwing up and looking stupid.

[Eric C.]

Professional musicians screw up. They also won't look down on others that play music. Musicians are some of the most supportive people out there when it comes to other musicians.

[onassis]

I think the very important first step is playing music WITH others instead of FOR them. Cooperative and collaborative music making is a very gratifying thing, and does wonders in building one's confidence. Being creative as part of a group is SO much easier than trying to go it alone, and is (IMHO) much more rewarding. It's a great way to get some experience in a fairly low pressure situation.

[CSIMelissa]

I think the very important first step is playing music WITH others instead of FOR them. Cooperative and collaborative music making is a very gratifying thing, and does wonders in building one's confidence. Being creative as part of a group is SO much easier than trying to go it alone, and is (IMHO) much more rewarding. It's a great way to get some experience in a fairly low pressure situation.

Thanks. I’ve found a jam group that meets twice a week in my town so I plan on going there soon. I am self taught but I’m starting professional lessons next week and after a lesson or two I’m going to the jam for sure.

[Bertram Henze]

The fact that public speaking is no problem is a dead giveaway: in emergencies, your declarative memory takes over (good at thinking and speaking, but not for playing music). Playing is for procedural memory (fast and precise, but unable to explain what it does). From that follows the main hint: think not! i.e. no words, no pictures. You have to trust your proc. mem. to do what it has practised, without bugging it with questions (can you do that? are you sure? tell me again what the first chord was etc). Don't be a pesky passenger, you're not in control during this ride. In other words: make your peace with screwing up and looking stupid.

Read Sian Beilock's "Choke".

[catmandu2]

Well, you're not alone CSIM- it took me lots of tries, and failures, to figure out what I was doing with performing. (One of my problems was trying to perform classical music - I'm just not a rote player...always spoke off the cuff too)

Yes, make mistakes, feel awkward. If you do it enough, you may cultivate some nice improvisational skills too .. performing is nothing if not "thinking on one's feet"

[catmandu2]

And BTW - of course I still make plenty of mistakes - every time I perform. But my approach is sometimes total seat-of-the-pants anyway (it's what I'm best at). For me, the trick was to develop skills in recovering - I cant resist just going where I feel - and that's a recipe for disaster .. ; if I don't want to crash, I have to figure a way to extricate myself: music ensues to the degree that I'm able to work it out .. but it doesn't work all the time!

Aside from figuring out how to manage all the common impediments and inhibitions, think about crafting the type of environment, repertoire and playing that you're best at -

[spufman]

Rather than worrying about playing a tune precisely as you practice it alone, listen to what the others are playing and strive to add color to what's going on. Your colors will soon get bolder and before long you will be where the whole needs you to be. You've invested a lot of yourself getting to this point... ease up and slip in.

[Beanzy]

I'm a weird hybrid in terms of being able to play out for others. I happily play anywhere with others, even if I'm going to be soloing or leading in a classical or band scenario, improvising etc. but get me to kick off a simple tune solo and it's as likely not to happen as happen. So I'm getting together regularly with one musician for Bluegrass and one for Irish Trad. We alternate choosing and working up tunes & songs. The one who chooses leads with the other backing.

The idea is that when we have spent time working something up, then we know it works and there's a sense that the other person is counting on you carrying it, so there's less likelyhood of bottling out and you can't claim it'll be no good because the other person knows it's good to go. So guilt & a sense of responsibility to the other push aside the doubts and off we roll. It's wotking well so far. Maybe try to get a picking partner to get your back like that and see if it helps push past the doubts.

[catmandu2]

Rather than worrying about playing a tune precisely as you practice it alone, listen to what the others are playing and strive to add color to what's going on. Your colors will soon get bolder and before long you will be where the whole needs you to be. You've invested a lot of yourself getting to this point... ease up and slip in.

An excellent simile.

Use the assets of the instrument - hide in the mix and flourish when the inspiration strikes ..

[farmerjones]

. . make your peace with screwing up and looking stupid.

I really like this.

You can start slow/small, by getting together with only one person, then add.
But really turn down the (for lack of a better word) caring, and ENJOY. If bad note is played, nobody dies. And lastly, don't stop to fix it. Bad, bad habit. Just mow over those clams. You may be the only one that noticed it anyway.

That caring stuff is for practice time. Reward yourself by letting yourself PLAY.

[Mark Wilson]

I'm just too scared of screwing up and looking stupid.

I just listened to an NPR segment about a guy who was terrified by the idea of rejection. The cure (recommended by his doc) was to put himself in position to be rejected once a day. He started out by offering passing strangers gum.

You could do the same by offering to play mandolin to strangers. I'm thinking a couple weeks in and playing for 'friends' will seem like a fun thing to do.

[CSIMelissa]

Thanks all. I think starting lessons next week and sitting down WITH someone I don't know will help me get ready for playing for/with folks I do know. I intend to talk to him about my anxieties too.

I DO need to get out of the habit of stopping when I mess up.

[fatt-dad]

on the journey to excellent, enjoy medium! I know that I'm stuck at some medium level of competency. I'm o.k. with that. I screw up (usually clams). I am to the point where I can keep a steady beat. Mostly 'cause I tap my foot.

I find that it helps to be very intentional when performing. Don't start too fast. Be very intentional on the starting beat and notes. Get some inertia and embrace the flubs - just keep playing! When the tempo varies, it's hard for the listener.

So, make a video of yourself. Here's me playing the treble line of Bach's Invention XIII. The only thing that salvages this is keeping the tempo (best I can that is). There are all sorts of flubs. I also have a duet partner, so I've pushed through the vulnerability of just rehearsal! We've begun performing a very small events and such. It was baby steps, but a fun walk!



f-d

[CSIMelissa]

on the journey to excellent, enjoy medium! I know that I'm stuck at some medium level of competency. I'm o.k. with that. I screw up (usually clams). I am to the point where I can keep a steady beat. Mostly 'cause I tap my foot.

I find that it helps to be very intentional when performing. Don't start too fast. Be very intentional on the starting beat and notes. Get some inertia and embrace the flubs - just keep playing! When the tempo varies, it's hard for the listener.

So, make a video of yourself. Here's me playing the treble line of Bach's Invention XIII. The only thing that salvages this is keeping the tempo (best I can that is). There are all sorts of flubs. I also have a duet partner, so I've pushed through the vulnerability of just rehearsal! We've begun performing a very small events and such. It was baby steps, but a fun walk!




f-d

Nice video! It's something I'll have to try and granted I've only been playing for a year or so but I think you did a fine job. As I said above, playing through the flubs is something I really, really need to work on. Thanks.

[David Lewis]

no one dies if you mess up. No one gets hurt. In an informal situation, no one really cares. In a formal situation, many of the audience don't notice.

Play as well as you can, play boldly and play like you invented it. Always strive to improve: but always remember - we PLAY instruments, we don't WORK them (yes, some of us do WORK them, but you know what i'm saying).

As you get better, you'll build confidence. As you build confidence, you'll get better.

[avaldes]

Melissa, fatt-dad had an excellent suggestion. I have been doing self-videos because for me, it introduces many of the tensions of a live performance. For that reason alone, I would suggest taking videos of yourself (I recall one video of yours some time back, with a bird as a line dancer). Other than that, find jam groups as suggested and try a couple of open mic settings if you can find them.
I have some tricks when I do an occasional guitar (or recently, guitar and mando) set. Do a quick warmup on stage if you can (some riffs and then tune, or pretend to tune). If there is a sound person, talk to them as you do this. Have a simple, short piece that you can do, just to get you into the performance. This gets me past the problem I often have when I take the stage, which is that my hands just seem to land in the wrong place on the instrument.

[JeffD]

Playing for others? Eh.

Playing with others, that is magic.

Here is my advice. Don't.

Just don't. Don't play for folks that don't appreciate you and the effort it is taking to play for them. Just politely decline.

That is the beauty of playing with others - they either are, or already have paid their dues - the dues you are paying. So they understand and have been there.

The casual family member being polite and not particularly interested, or the audience member who can't tell the mandolin from the guitar with three guesses, they want you to put out the effort for them. The heck with that I say.

Play with others, sure, its worth it and its appreciated. Playing for others, wait till you have a CD you can guilt them into buying.

Your professional musician friends - well say you will be happy if they would join you on something simple. Let them be invested, so its not one batter against the whole other team.

[catmandu2]

Or, only agree to play the fiddle or accordian for them - (wink) ... or electric guitar, or drums..

An excellent simile.
.

I guess it's rather a metaphor

[jshane]

I DO need to get out of the habit of stopping when I mess up.

Yes.

Actually, even better is to capitalize on a "mess-up". That is, turn the "mess-up" into a new "exploration" via the process of recovery.

If you dont stop, no one will know there was a "mess-up". If you continue on AND use the "mess-up" creatively....well, who knows what might happen!

[Bertram Henze]

The casual family member being polite and not particularly interested, or the audience member who can't tell the mandolin from the guitar with three guesses, they want you to put out the effort for them.

I'd not put these two in the same category. You don't have to understand the technical details of the music (including instrument names) to appreciate it. So I'll say leave the first group alone but respect the second (especially if they have paid to hear you).

It's a common misconception that you are playing the instrument and the instrument in turn plays the music. In an ideal performance, the music plays the instrument, and the music is you. And an appreciating audience will notice that. It's not the player's role to magnanimously dole out magic to muggles at his own discretion; instead, the player is just another humble servant to the music - all you have to do is not stand in the way. Remembering that will help in a spotlight situation when the audience looks at you with expectant, beaming faces: you are not the superstar they have come for; the music is.

[fatt-dad]

sometimes, too, I just walk about the yard and play my mandolin. Something about being engaged with other stuff, sort of forces the muscle memory to engage in a new way. One time when I was having similar struggles a dude told me, don't forget to breath. I mean, Duh? But, there is some wisdom in being mindful of other stuff even when playing.

f-d

[Ed Goist]

This may sound oversimplified, but I think there's a lot to it...

You say that "public speaking is fine". This is because, at some point in your past, public speaking became one of "your things". In other words, it became a part of your character that you don't even think about...You just do it.

You need to turn "playing the mandolin" into one of your "things", so that it is not some special activity you do, but part of who you are. When you do this, the anxiety will, for the most part, disappear.

I think the best way to do this is to play as much as possible, and as often as possible with other musicians.

[CSIMelissa]

This may sound oversimplified, but I think there's a lot to it...

You say that "public speaking is fine". This is because, at some point in your past, public speaking became one of "your things". In other words, it became a part of your character that you don't even think about...You just do it.

You need to turn "playing the mandolin" into one of your "things", so that it is not some special activity you do, but part of who you are. When you do this, the anxiety will, for the most part, disappear.

I think the best way to do this is to play as much as possible, and as often as possible with other musicians.

I reminded myself last night when I was playing at home that public speaking used to scare me to death and it doesn't now so eventually this will all be behind me.

[CSIMelissa]

One of the things I'm going to talk to my instructor about next Thursday is how and what to do in a jam setting and soon I'm going to GO to one of the sessions that's local to ease my anxieties too. Thanks to everyone for your input and I'll post after my "first" jam session. :-)