Incredibly accurate copy of f5

[mandocaster]

This is particularly disturbing.

<a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/Cherry-HandCarved-Gibson-F5-Mandolin-Copy-by-HEIMER_W0QQitemZ360064197065QQihZ023QQcategor
yZ10179QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem" target="_blank">Huh?</a>

[Albert Whiting]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

[bradeinhorn]

the headstock looks like george jetson. move over mickey mouse.

[F5GRun]

This came up here on the cafe, before, some time ago. The tuners are very disturbing. My favorite is "Not a screw anywhere" except for three screws holding the pick guard securly to the sound board http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif

[MikeEdgerton]

This is deja vu all over again for the third (http://www.mandolincafe.net/cgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?act=ST;f=12;t=53942;hl=heimer) time (at least). Somebody buy this gem and get it off the market. You'll be saving some poor lost soul that might mistake it for an original Orville mandolin.
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/blues.gif

[Jim Broyles]

Hey. come on now. It was made by HEIMER!!! Ever hear of him? Well, I didn't think so. I did some research on him.

Weisen Heimer
American lootier of German descent by way of Bvooklyn, second cousin of Gyro Gearloose. Renowned for using no screws in incredibly accurate F5 reproduction model mandolins.

Let's give the man his props.

[woodwizard]

Weisen Heimer! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif
My side hurts! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[PhilGE]

This could be described as a "puffy" mandolin - you know, like "puffy" kid's stickers or inflatable plastic beach pool animals or marshmallow peeps...

[Jim Broyles]

Don't be a weisenheimer, phil!

[Denny Gies]

jbmando....you need to up your medication. Brilliant.

[Gutbucket]

It looks like Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree. All it needs is a little love. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[leathermarshmallow]

so...you don't think it is a good deal??? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif

[JHo]

That top looks to be 1/2" thick at the outer edges of the f-holes. I bet it's got "a tone all its own". http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[man dough nollij]

It has those exotic "tone dowels", made from 1/2" hickory, all the way through the body. Kind of like a Virzi, only not an exact copy.

[Jason Nagati]

There are some things we need to let die, certain monstrosities and travesties that should be collected and destroyed in a bonfire by a government task force: the AMC Pacer, Michael Bay movies, powdered milk, pugs, etc. This screwless creation would make great kindling.

[JHo]

Yeah. Good luck breaking it though, I'd probably hurt myself trying to break that thing. On the bright side, if this were yours and someone tried to mug you for your instrument (unlikely on both counts in this case, I know), you could just use it as a club and beat them with it, and then get right back to playing. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[Charles Johnson]

Note however the tuners are worth $50-75, so there is some value there.
Charles

[Dena Haselwander]

There are some things we need to let die, certain monstrosities and travesties that should be collected and destroyed in a bonfire by a government task force: the AMC Pacer, Michael Bay movies, powdered milk, pugs, etc. This screwless creation would make great kindling.
But you could cruise the main drag in a Pacer and play the mando instead of the CD player...babe magnet fer sure!



Dena

[JEStanek]

Charles,

Ship it! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

JB and Phil, I watched Ghostbusters with my kids this weekend and your two comments made me think this was the Stay Puft Mandolin Man... "I just thought of it by accident. Sorry guys."

Jamie

[Jim Garber]

I dunno... slap a pickup on it and hand it to Dawg and everyone will want one. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[recon]

New thread--" $199.95 to spend on a mandolin. What should I get?"

[allenhopkins]

Some other wonderful features:

A. #The case, which is evidently half again as long as the mandolin. #Room for your lunch, four gross of Wegen picks, or a copy of Simonoff's book on how to really build a mandolin.

B. # The nifty "anti-snakehead" headstock/tuner layout, which has the strings stretching around the adjacent tuner posts. #Shouldn't affect the tuning, no sir.

C. # The fact that the seller had the nerve to list "Gibson" as the manufacturer, even though he qualified it with "repro." #Shows such contempt for the estimable Mr. Heimer.

You have no idea how tempted I am to go for this sucker. #It would be the ultimate conversation piece (of s--t) at any jam I attended. #Considering I can about fill up my Honda three times for $200, there must be at least that much laugh value in this gargoyle.

[f5loar]

Sometimes you come across "articles" that belong in the world famous "Rippley's Believe It or Not" museum. This might be one of those "articles" to put on display beside a real F5 next to a true "copy".

[troika]

OMG LOL Thats EXACTLY what i've been looking for. Not in a mandolin though.

[Gutbucket]

Looks like the cover on my sump pump.

[trevor]

"All it needs is a little love." Or a large hammer?

[Steve Ostrander]

I propose a new new post: "That mando is soooo ugly, (fill in the blank)

[jmkatcher]

I'm waiting for the lower-priced Eastman version.

[markishandsome]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I don't understand some people's desire to piss all over anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone. Celebrate diversity!

[Jim Broyles]

To put this wonderful example of the art of lutherie in its proper historical context, here (http://cgi.ebay.de/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260255937703) is one of Herr Heimer's early creations before his emigration from Germany to Bvooklyn, an incredibly accurate copy of a Gibson pancake mandolin! #As Bill Gates says, nobody will ever need more than nine frets, so why pay for them! #Also doubles as a colander!

Martin
Martin, that instrument was referenced in my sources, but I could not find a picture of it. It might have been erroneously attributed to his cousin Gyro.

[JHo]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I don't understand some people's desire to piss all over anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone. Celebrate diversity!
That thing is just plain funny. I'm with Allen, for $200 it's very tempting to buy it just for the laugh value. I can just imagine people's expressions after one pulls that thing out of its case.

[Gutbucket]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I don't understand some people's desire to piss all over anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone. #Celebrate diversity!
. The point of the original thread was the Ebay auction title of "Accurate copy of Gibson F5". Does this look like a typical F5 to you? We're poking fun at the auction listers somewhat decieving listing.

[MikeEdgerton]

...I don't understand some people's desire to p*ss all over anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone. #Celebrate diversity!
Why that's just plain crazy talk! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[markishandsome]

Oh please. I admit it haven't waded through all previous threads on this instrument, but I don't see the word "accurate" in the ebay listing. I do see "along the lines of". You can't deny that the majority of posts in this particular thread are making fun of the mandolin, not the lister.

[Gerard Dick]

That thing is meant to hang on the wall over the fireplace. About 5 inches above the grate would be just perfect.

[Jim Broyles]

You can't deny that the majority of posts in this particular thread are making fun of the mandolin, not the lister.

I can deny it. They both deserve it. Here's what the listing says:

Cherry HandCarved Gibson F5 Mandolin Copy by HEIMER

Now the only similarity between this thing and a Gibson F5 is the name mandolin. I would have to have proof that that instrument is actually playable before I'd call it a mandolin. This isn't even close to being about &lt;&lt;anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone.&gt;&gt; #This instrument is just weird. And who the heck is Heimer?? Are we supposed to be impressed?

&lt;&lt;Celebrate diversity!&gt;&gt; I don't celebrate diversity for diversity's sake. I celebrate excellence. I celebrate quality. I am not a mandolin snob by any means and I doubt I'll ever own a Gibson due to the cost, but this instrument and the person listing it are ridiculous.

[morristownmando]

I think i seen herman munster playing that thing when i was a kid!!!

[Geoff B]

you gotta love the first question asked (on the listing) about how the pickguard is attached... so much for 'not a screw anywhere'.

[Jim Broyles]

you gotta love the first question asked (on the listing) about how the pickguard is attached... so much for 'not a screw anywhere'.
I would never post that question after saying there were no screws in the mando.

[Jkf_Alone]

i think it is a beautiful piece of wood work, but it looks like a cabinet maker saw a mandolin somewhere and decided to copy it. if it was a solid body electric, it would be a handsome instrument (except the headstock. i did laugh when i saw the thickness of the f holes and the dowels. i wonder how mandy screws hold together the average mandolin http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Gutbucket]

Cut it in half and have two Loar inspired salad bowls.

[JeffD]

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I don't understand some people's desire to piss all over anything that isn't a perfect Loar clone. #Celebrate diversity!
Its not that its not a perfect Loar clone. Its that it is one ugly ugly piece of wood.

[allenhopkins]

i wonder how many screws hold together the average mandolin.
Well, the tuners and tailpiece are generally screwed on. Some have screwed-on strap buttons, although that's not common. And adjustable bridges have screw-threaded posts, though they don't hold the mandolin together. Pickguard brackets are often attached with screws, if they don't have adjustable brackets that clamp on to the side.

Of course, the Heimer is far from an "average" mandolin. I find myself wondering how many screws held its builder together...?

[morristownmando]

The maker of this mandolin possibly could have been drunk at the time of construction of this coffee table mandolin!!

[man dough nollij]

Poor mister Heimer. Whenever this thread comes up (is this round three?) I think if the title of the auction was "Funky Lumpy Old Doweled-together Oddity", we wouldn't have taken the time to make fun of it. If I had posted a picture of it in the "pictures" forum and said "here's my first attempt at woodworking. I know it's funky, but it was fun to make", would you be as merciless? #http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

(It goes to show you what a fire-starter the phrase "Gibson F5 copy" is, though I doubt the seller knows that.)

[Gutbucket]

Not around here! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

[morristownmando]

I wonder if he has anymore furniture for sale on ebay?

[phoenix]

"Sorry I can't ship to Brazil, Poland or Russia"

[markishandsome]

If I had posted a picture of it in the "pictures" forum and said "here's my first attempt at woodworking. I know it's funky, but it was fun to make", would you be as merciless?

I once posted a picture of a Style-O inspired mando I made, and while most posters had nice things to say, a few did call it ugly and criticize the workmanship. I'd like to see some of the F5-inspired instruments the Heimer-haters here have designed and built from scratch. I think these sorts of threads are bad for the community because they discourage members from posting pictures of their non-traditional or imperfect work. It may even prevent some folks from getting in to building because they fear anything short of "excellence" will be ridiculed.

[Jim Broyles]

Nobody is a Heimer-hater. The main thing that is going here is how preposterous it is to call this thing a "Gibson F5 copy," and then declare, as if it proves some kind of non-intrinsic value beyond the norm, that it was built by HEIMER!!! #As others have said, the woodwork is fairly decent on the whole, but it doesn't make this a viable mandolin. This has nothing to do with members building anything#from scratch, and if you seriously think that this community would ridicule a member's work because it falls short of excellence, you haven't been reading the same forum I have. The eBay seller is either seriously under-informed about mandolins, or seriously #overconfident in valuing that instrument.

[JHo]

I agree with JBMando, and it seems to me that most of the people here wouldn't make fun of anyone for whatever they're building. People generally seem very supportive of others' building efforts and it seems that many here would much rather take a moment to help someone avoid some silly building mistake then laugh at them for making such mistake. And frankly I think it's cool to be building anything, especially instruments, but it's even cooler when they're really usable, and better still if they sound good. I suspect, as previously mentioned, that the reclusive Mr. Heimer did have some woodworking skills, but just lacked the knowledge particular to building usable instruments. The peculiar tuner setup as well as the thickness of the top would make me think that. This thing needs a name. How about "F5 choppy"?

[mandocaster]

Poor mister Heimer. Whenever this thread comes up (is this round three?) I think if the title of the auction was "Funky Lumpy Old Doweled-together Oddity", we wouldn't have taken the time to make fun of it. If I had posted a picture of it in the "pictures" forum and said "here's my first attempt at woodworking. I know it's funky, but it was fun to make", would you be as merciless? #http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

(It goes to show you what a fire-starter the phrase "Gibson F5 copy" is, though I doubt the seller knows that.)
I think "fire starter" is an interesting turn of phrase in reference to this mandolin.

[TomTyrrell]

I really do like the concept of this mandolin. I have copies of the photos just in case I decide to build one. I can't even bring myself to pay $200 for the original.

[markishandsome]

This has nothing to do with members building anything from scratch, and if you seriously think that this community would ridicule a member's work because it falls short of excellence, you haven't been reading the same forum I have.

You didn't read my post. I have had my work ridiculed here. Here (http://www.mandolincafe.net/cgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?act=ST;f=15;t=36419;hl=look+and+what )'s the link. True, this thread was not started by Heimer, who is probably not a member (though he may be). But I think these threads where we pile ridicule on an unusual instrument give a few bad apples the idea that making fun of other members' work is acceptable behavior. Maybe I'm wrong and there will always be a few jerks no matter how respectful everyone else is. And I agree that this thread is pretty funny. Maybe I'm just a wet blanket. I didn't mean for this to turn into such a sermon, I was just trying to interject a different opinion. Carry on!

[MikeEdgerton]

From the thread you posted the link to:

"I would hope that anyone that wants to criticize this effort has a picture of the last mandolin they built from scratch to post. I'm betting they don't. Congratulations on building something you wanted to build."

The guy that wrote that was a true genius. Beyond that it would appear that although one person made what I would call a rude remark that the rest of the community seemed to weigh in in your favor including a couple of builders. You shouldn't feel bad about that thread at all.

[Jim Broyles]

Wow, if you think you were ridiculed in that thread, you might just have issues. Even the one who said it was one ugly mandolin, might have been referring to the shape of it, because no matter who made it, the wide horned cutaway could be considered funky looking to some. Other than that one comment, everybody was very supportive and encouraging, if you ask me.
Again, I iterate - the ridicule we are piling on is aimed at the eBay seller, not the mandolin. Nobody would have said much if the builder had listed it as his own work. There is such an eBay maker/seller, whose work is, well, different, and nobody says a thing.

[Gutbucket]

Hey markishandsome,(why was that so hard to type), I joined the cafe after you posted your mandolin pics. And this is the first time I've seen that mandolin. I think that is one of the coolest ideas for a mandolin I've ever seen. I wonder how many other builders might have thought about that style but gave up on the idea because of the difficulty involved. Kudos to you for following thru.

[markishandsome]

Other than that one comment, everybody was very supportive and encouraging, if you ask me.

Which is exactly what I said earlier:


while most posters had nice things to say, a few did call it ugly and criticize the workmanship

I had originally considered the the yellow submarine comment which directly followed the ugly comment to be rude also, but looking back on it it's hard to tell what they meant. Maybe ugly was even meant as a compliment, like "you so bad!" I think the cafe is great and it's members are very supportive.

[markishandsome]

I think that is one of the coolest ideas for a mandolin I've ever seen.

Thanks, glad you liked it! It sounds pretty good too. I'd like to revisit that body style after I have a few more builds under my belt and really do it justice. I've learned a lot since then, mostly thanks to the cafe. Right now I think my next build will be a Heimer copy, minus the dowels. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Gutbucket]

Widen the F-holes and you'd have a cool birdhouse. Or at the very least, a one time use ash tray

[Joel Spaulding]

Sold for a whopping $224.51. Someone got the deal of a lifetime!(cough) http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[Bernie Daniel]

OK that beautiful F5 copy is now in the hands of some prodigy or a master mandolinist -- I am glad that is settled! #I've been wait to correct a serious misconception.


dmarie: But you could cruise the main drag in a Pacer and play the mando instead of the CD player...babe magnet fer sure!


Yes you could cruise the main drag in those things -- we did that at an H.S reunion once -- and even bought a burger and fries in it. #But there was no CD player. OK?

There were two older women who excitedly flagged us down too. #They wanted to tell us that the left rear was low on air.

[Gutbucket]

I was hoping some one on the Cafe would have bought it. I wanted to see it on YouTube. It might have made some of us eat our words. I'm getting use to the taste of Crow. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[Joel Spaulding]

I suspect we have not seen the last of this masterpiece.... http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[JeffS]

If you put that mandolin on display here (http://www.mandolincafe.com/news/uploads/bismarck-large.jpg) between the lyre and "Thor's Hammer" hanging on the wall I doubt many people would even bat an eye.

I think it is a nice looking piece of folk art that any serious collector would be crazy to pass up.

[Jim Broyles]

Sold for a whopping $224.51. Someone got the deal of a lifetime!(cough) http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif
Well, three people actually wanted it for some reason. The winner even sniped it. Who knows what they were willing to pay for it? Maybe they want the old Klusons and some scrap cherry.

[allenhopkins]

I think it is a nice looking piece of folk art that any serious collector would be crazy to pass up.
However, I'm guessing you passed it up?

With regard to mark-i-h's points, I agree that #we should be respectful and even a bit charitable when a novice builder exhibits a first, or early, effort. #Even the weird object under discussion in this thread is a lot better than I could do.

What provoked the mirth was the way the seller attempted to list and describe it, from calling it an awesome mandolin that evokes early Orville Gibson instruments, to saying "not a screw anywhere," then answering the first question about removing the pickguard, by saying "it uses wood screws." #Without even going back to the thread about mark-i-h's mandolin, I will wager that his was infinitely more respectful of the accumulated instrument-building knowledge of the past decades.

The eBay instrument was indeed a piece of "folk art," and as much as one could tell from the photos, unlikely to be the excellent musical instrument its seller promised. #It sort of reminded me of the anecdote of the backwoods sculptor, who when asked how he carved an elephant out of wood, said, "I just took a tree and cut off all the parts that didn't look like an elephant."

If Matt Heimer were a member of the Cafe, and had posted pics of the instrument he built asking for comments, I'm sure he would have heard some that were constructively critical. #He wouldn't have been ridiculed, in all probability. #The huckster who's trying to pass off #this instrument by invoking "Gibson F-5," and describing it in undeserved superlatives, is getting the ridicule I think he really has coming.

[David Newton]

I saw this thread too late, I was going to bid, but it already was gone.

I would have paid 150. for it, and got a good looking cloud tailpiece!

I figure this is folk art, I like that sort of thing.

[catmandu2]

You have no idea how tempted I am to go for this sucker.
No doubt--you would want to add the "Heimer Puffy" to your list of distinguished instruments. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Bill Snyder]

If you put that mandolin on display here (http://www.mandolincafe.com/news/uploads/bismarck-large.jpg) between the lyre and "Thor's Hammer" hanging on the wall ...
Thor's Hammer is an airplane.