My first song - feedback requested

[Bob Wiegers]

looks like this area is more for tabs and such of existing songs, but if you care to take a minute, I'd love some feedback on a simple composition of mine. it's just me on my octave mandolin, with a little song I've called "Be Still". I suppose it's in the vein of Windham Hill?

over the last year I've come up with various similar stuff, and this is the first one I've put together and recorded (with my new Zoom H2).

so here it is: http://wiegersfamily.com/mp3/simplesongs/2008-01-02-BeStill-Take1.mp3

thanks!

[Jim Broyles]

In my opinion, you need to work on dynamics. There are several spots where the picking is suddenly (startlingly) loud. It almost sounds as if you are very tense and not in control of your picking, so it suddenly gets stronger.

[homeslice]

I'd agree with Jim about the dynamics. It seems to beg for a little more fluidity in spots. That said, I think its a lovely composition and I enjoyed the listen. I'd be proud of myself for putting that together.

The sound quality of your recording is great, by the way. Is that straight from the console using the built in mic?

[f#54]

I liked the tune a lot..easy listening.
But I must ask, Does an octave mando sound like that.
The recording sounds ringy. Is it the H2 on 4 channel
I just got an H2 and I have never Played an octave soo..
I would love to here that on mandolin just to compare.
Nice pickin tho

[Stephanie Reiser]

Nice little tune, nice riff.
I would like to see another chord change. Seemed to me that only 2 chords were used, and most of the time just one. And maybe a little change in tempo, but it is your composition.
Thanks for posting it, as I enjoyed it very much.

[Bob Wiegers]

thanks for the advice and critique...very helpful. I do want to work on keeping the tempo even, and now that you mention it, the dynamics too. good thought. I'm having a good time and it's good to see places to improve.

I also agree it could use another chord, but I think I'll leave this one simple just because I kinda like it this way. I've played with a friend who added a bass line that added a lot of interest however.

and yeah, I think the "ringy"ness is the octave...one of my favorite qualities of it.

that is using the front mic on the H2. in a pretty small room with wood paneling and some blankets on the wall, for what it's worth.

thanks for the encouragement.

[buddyellis]

Well thats one of the things with these sorts of open/drone tunes (and particularly mandolin music in particular), a good bass player can make that 'one chord' suggest a lot of things. I can hear a few places a little more (still simple) chordal complexity could lay around that melody and make things more aurally interesting. Much of that can be suggested on the bass end of things.