Uncomfortable situation

[doanepoole]

This post might sound like I'm trying to kiss my own arse, but read on and you will see its not the case, and I think others in my boat have had this situation; I think its fairly common.

It's been several times now that I will play a gig, and afterwards someone will come up to me and ask me for a lesson or lessons.

I do not feel qualified from a pedagogical point of view to give lessons. I do not feel I am advanced enough a player to be instructing other players, especially beginners. And I don't have the combination of time and energy to give lessons. With the three of these things combined, its clear that I do not want to give lessons at this point.

But how do you tell someone this without coming off like the typical arrogant jacka$$ musician?

What I've done every time is referred the requestor to someone I think is a good instructor...but I still get that look like I just spit in the guys face. Any suggestions?

[mandomood]

well...giving a lesson can mean alot of different things.

There are alot of areas....music theory(which can then be kind of genre specific), then mechanics based on the instrument.

good or bad, with some thought, there are things you could share that some people just don't think about and ways of doing things that won't hurt so bad in the long run...

but finding those things and finding them quickly is sometimes tricky. As a teacher it can sometimes be difficult to 'evaluate' what one knows quickly....lots of patience involved on both sides which doesn't always work for the parties involved.

It's also ok to not know specifically what you might be doing that is generating such interest. Then simply playing thru things slowly, broken down, over and over...helping someone learn how to practice or smooth things out.

you could just ask, what it is specifically they want to learn....make em think about it.

[John Flynn]

a pedagogical point of view
That's like Michael Jackson, right? #http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Just kidding! Seriously, though, I have been through a few instructors who teach regularly. All were nice guys, very talented and experienced instructors, but they just weren't creating the learning experience I was looking for. I apologize in advance if you have heard me tell this story before, but it is right on point. I approached my favorite mando player and recording artist, Curtis Buckhannon, and asked if he would teach me. His reaction what the same as yours. He didn't teach, he didn't think he was qualified, etc. Finally, though, he said he would try it. Now we have been doing lessons for months and not only has the experience been exactly what I wanted, but he has mentioned multiple times that he enjoys it also.

I think "roots" music has only been passed on by "qualified" professional instructors recently. Its tradition is more experienced musicians teaching less experienced ones. Whether you teach or not is up to you. But if people are asking you to teach them, you are qualified. If you do teach them, you may enjoy it.

[doanepoole]

maybe you guys are right...it is no small flattery to be approached this way, and part of me thinks it would be fun.

one point though is that I'm lazy...maybe a better face to put on that is that I work an often stressful job-type-job 48 hours a week + the commute, plus what gigs my buddies book, plus etc, etc...

I am concerned that with my current disposition I may become so imaptient with a student, especially, like I said, a beginner, that I might turn the next Chris Thile off completely from playing.

Anyhow, I think I'm doing the best for everyone by reffering them to pro instructors...I just wish I could find a way to do so without coming off like an arrogant a$$

[John Flynn]

I guess one thing I would try is find an instructor who is really good and students seem to be satisfied with, someone you can really recommend heartily. Maybe you already know one. Then when you get approached, for lessons, say something like, "You know, if I had the time to take lessons, this is the guy I would go see." Maybe that wouldn't be 100% true, but it sounds more like you are on thier side rather than putting them off.

[Chris Baird]

Just tell the truth. If you are too busy or not inclined in some other way just tell it like it is. People understand real life. Its one thing to be good at playing and quite another to be good at teaching. Both take lots of practice and time.

[AlanN]

I frequently find young or inexperienced players watching my hands during jams. I always make sure they can see (I don't turn my back) what I'm doing. If they ask for a lesson, I also don't have the time for it, but I will impart a nugget or two, show them a lick, or a chord position. I'm a bit flattered, but I well remember when I started, it was mind boggling to watch a seasoned player get it on.

[rambler]

I'll probably be an intermediate B/G player the rest of my days. #It's taken a long time on my own, to learn to what little I know - - there are not a lot of mando players around here. #My fingers won't do half the things I want them to do but I do know some useful stuff that I can pass on. #BG music is pretty much best taught person to person and I wish I'd had the benefit of that. #So if I know it and can show it, I will try to make time. #Getting the person to really be clear about what they want to learn is a big help in deciding if you can teach someone what they want. #But IMHO, there is nothing wrong with genuinely being gracious about saying I don't know how to teach "that" or I don't have the time right now. #Somehow try to not let the person feel that you are leaving them high and dry. #It takes some folks quite a while to build up the courage to walk up to a stranger and ask for some help.

[mad dawg]

How about "Hey, I don't come around to where you work and ask how to make a Big Mac, do I?" http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Crowder]

I guess one thing I would try is find an instructor who is really good and students seem to be satisfied with, someone you can really recommend heartily. Maybe you already know one. Then when you get approached, for lessons, say something like, "You know, if I had the time to take lessons, this is the guy I would go see." Maybe that wouldn't be 100% true, but it sounds more like you are on thier side rather than putting them off.
Go one step further and get some of the teacher's cards to hand out....then you are actually being helpful and getting that feeling of obligation off your back.

If you feel comfortable teaching at least some, you'd want to weed out the people who are really serious from those who are just in a dream state from having watched a good show. You might tell them that you don't have the time or the teaching experience to commit to weekly or monthly lessons, but if they want to have ONE session together where you impart your experience, answer their questions, show them how to construct a solo, make sure they're on the right track with technique, etc., that you will be glad to set aside 1.5 to 2 hours for that.....and that you get $75-100 for that type of "lesson". Then, if you get as much out of it or enjoy it as much as they do, you always have the choice to waive the fee at the end. I was lucky enough to know a couple of players who were willing to spend that kind of time with me early on (for free), and looking back I know that it was worth far, far more than $100 each time. Especially since one of the guys isn't even on this Earth anymore.