Dilemma

[intransit2]

I've been playing mandolin (Rigel A+ deluxe) for about 2 years. Recently my teenage daughter has started complaining loudly whenever I practice. She says she hates the sound of mandolin. I know it's not just my playing -- she can't stand it when I play my mandolin CD's in the car either.

To be able to continue practicing and maintain peace in the family, I'm considering getting an electric (not accoustic/electric) mandolin that I can plug in to my Tascam guitar trainer. What should I be looking for? I'd like to maintain the mandolin sound/feel as closely as possible and stay within a budget of $1,000. Complicating the matter is the need for a left-handed mandolin, which will probably require a custom build.

Thanks for all your help!

[Staramouche]

Before you go plug in have you thought about the exchange student programs available now? #Maybe you could get a kid that likes the mando, or is at least afraid of being sent back!http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[johnwalser]

Lynn,
Pack her bags, tell her you'll miss her and show her the door!
I'm the BOSS in my family (when my wife is gone).
Joking aside, a left handed elecrtric will be expensive. I have two 4 string electric solids (Schwab and a Mandobird) that I can play silently through a Korg PX4.
I think you could be comfortable turning the strings around on the Mandobird and play if left handed. You would need to groove a new nut, but even if you had to have someone make it for you, it would certainly be cheaper than going custom.
Everyone I meet, even teenagers, seems to like the sound of the mandolin. Of course, no one seems to like the sound I make when I play the mandolin!
John

[ourgang]

AMEN!!! If my kids are living in MY house and they don't like the sound of the mandolin or anything else I am doing, they need to go find a distraction so they can't hear it. PICK ON!!

[ira]

i would handle as you would with her music distracting or bothering you. she needs to find another place to be and you try to play when she isn't right in the area. respect both ways would help. this is how we handled things in my house growing up, and it worked. i have little ones, but i'm sure when they are tunes, my folky plinking wont be to their liking, but neither will whatever music they are into (probably and unfortunately). we will just have to make do.

[Brookside]

Just explain to her that it is a simple matter of compromise. I suspect that you enjoy playing more than she is bothered by it. (she may have you believe otherwise) Tell her that because it makes you happy she just has to put up with it. (just as you put up with endless trials that come with having a teenage daughter) Learning how to compromise and put up with things that she doesn't fancy will be great practice for when she grows up and marries. Her future husband will thank you.

[Clyde Clevenger]

I work with "bitterteens" all the time. They don't want you to give in to them. You set the parameters, you are the adult, don't let her push you around now, or you are in for a very miserable time. My idea of comprimise with teens is to let them live. (only half joking)

[John Rosett]

but if you decide to go electric, you might want to check this out:
www.electrocoustic.com
or, if you want your daughter to warm up to the mandolin, you might consider one of the "flying v" shaped electrics. i think you can see some at "eye candy".
john

[onlyagibsonisgoodenuff]

You could tell her that in deference to her dislike for the mandolin, you're going to take up fiddle instead. Or maybe banjo!

[John Flynn]

intransit2:

Two cents from someone who has raised two daughters to adulthood (more or less!). She's a teenager, for heaven's sakes! She doesn't just hate your mandolin playing, she hates everything you do, LOL! Just breathing will annoy her! So, are you considering buying an iron lung to placate her? The only deal I made with my daughters is that I wouldn't play late in the evening on school nights or early in the morning on weekends, especially since thier bedrooms are right above my office, which is were I play. The rest they just have to put up with. Good luck! You'll need it!
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[John Flynn]

BTW, if you are going to invest in a left-hand solid body mando anyway, I recommend the Mid-Missouri. They make a great solid-body electric, in your price range. I am pretty sure they do lefties at no charge. Check it out.
http://www.midmomandolin.com/products_electrics.php

[Bandersnatch Reverb]

This is a case of teen rebellion pure and simple, if you give in, it will be a case of the inmates running the asylum.

Heck, my folks played Frank Sinatra, Mantovani, Percy Faith, and Toots Theilman <sp?>.

I wanted to hear The Doors, Chuck Berry, The Allman Brothers, Crosy, Stills and Nash and Young, and the like.

They won.

Now I have a GREAT appreication for Frank, and Toots, but Percy and Mantovani dont cut it for me. They never did warm up to Jim or Chuck, but you do hear elevator-music versions of "Our House" and "Marakesh Express" on the classics station, so I guess some effect was had (or I'm much older than I admit).

Your daughter clearly views the mandolin and your chosen material an embarassment to what she would consider modern sensible music (yeah right!).

Face it: Practically anything that you do is gonna piss her off. She's a teenager.

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good-bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh
and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

Just keep lovin' her man. Make sure she knows it.

[John Ritchhart]

Bandersnatch, that twas brillig indeed.

[TonyP.]

My kids grew up listening to mandolin and then when they hit the teens (I love Clyde's bitterteens!) then they started to complain. I made sure I wasn't in their "space" etc. and things backed off. Then I got the first Nickel Creek album and that cracked the armor along with Alison Kraus. Now they both think it's funny that all the bands they listen to are adding mandolin and all their friends have are asking what it is.

[Coy Wylie]

As a father of a teenage girl and another about to be, I'll chime in on this one. My teen daughter often complains about the bluegrass playing in my truck. I tell her when she can buy her own car she can listen to the music that she likes. I tell her that I don't complain about the music she plays constantly in her room and she cannot complain about the music I play in my study. Fortunately our house is big enough to give us some space. I can practice late at night without bothering the family.

Parents and teenagers are not equals even though teenagers don't believe that. Do not give up your place as a parent to placate your daughter's whimsey.

I am reminded of the famous Mark Twain quip: "I left home at 17 convinced my father was the stupidest man in the world. I returned at 21 amazed at what the old man had learned in 4 years."

[mandoJeremy]

I would also let her know who the parent is and who the child is...very simple. Get her a pair of earplugs and tell her to get over it. Sounds like a typical teen to me!http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[gibby24]

Dear Friend: The rule is simple and absolute--THE DRIVER CALLS THE TUNES. Play what you want when your driving. As far as buying an electric mandolin I wouldn't do it unless you want to play one. Bottom line is that your her FATHER not her best friend. To get along in this world kids (and some adults) need to learn they do not get to make the rules and there are somethings in life you JUST DON'T GET TO VOTE ON. Buy her a pair of hearing protectors (Silencios at WallMart for about 12 bucks) and that should get the message across. Bottom line, its your house, you pay the bills and your the head of the family and if you give in you won't be doing your kid any favors in life. Play On.

[jim_n_virginia]

... sell her to the Gypsies! NOW! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

...just kidding http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[Staramouche]

Maybe you could out-Phat her---Anyone know tabs for NSync?

[Ted Eschliman]

Compromise, Communicate, Concede, Cooperate--these are all basic "life" skills.
When my daughter was born, it became my most important goal, teaching her how to be a responsible citizen and an independent adult. I look at the precious few years I have with her before she moves out as a sort of incubation period. Time she spends in my household is valuable training time for her to learn to not only get along with her mother and me, but others she'll deal with later in life, be it work or play.
With that framework in mind, the "big picture" allows me as a parent to deal with the short term friction we (naturally!) encounter as parent and child. Someone advised me, "You want your child to grow up and desire to leave home. That infers God will put in their heart a motivation to be different than you at times, but that's not unhealthy."
The key is train her to get along with other family members, and consider that a skill that will benefit her the rest of her life. Sure, it's trying now, but life will always be full of compromise, and what better place for her to hone these skills than the stability of a good family environment.
Such a blessing; such a great opportunity to "better the world" through parenthood...

[neal]

"I work with "bitterteens" all the time. #They don't want you to give in to them. #You set the parameters, you are the adult, don't let her push you around now, or you are in for a very miserable time. #My idea of comprimise with teens is to let them live. (only half joking)" #-Clyde

That and what Ted said above. # I would suggest an attitude somewhat between the two. #

I've heard about some children going into convulsions when watching a certain cartoon, forget which, if this happens to your daughter when mandolin music is played, perhaps the only other way out is to have her get a lobotomy. #This would put her out of the misery that she is experiencing.

But then again, a practicing musician in the house can always be an irritation to some, all that repitition and such. #My wife truly hopes to never hear Fischer's Hornpipe again, until I can play it like Pinkham. #But if I don't practice......you see the conundrum? # Maybe she will, too. #Compromise, but not too much.

[Rroyd]

I'm fortunate in that my daughter loves acoustic music, but then she has been going to festivals all of her life, and I'm sure that livelong exposure has played a part. However, I can't help but feel that the atmosphere of the festivals, and the friendly nature of the participants has played a major role
in her continued interest. When Kenny Smith borrows a guitar and takes a few minutes to sit down and play a tune with an 11-year-old girl before his next show, and Blue Highway acknowledges the request "made by the little girl sitting out there in the ninth row", just to mention a couple of the many "festival moments" that have happened for her over the years, it can't help but
create a live-long love for the music and those who
play it. (Britney Spears doesn't exist in her 15-year-old world, and if she did, it probably would be just a fleeting glance as she was escorted to a waiting limo by a team of security guards.) So start the exposure at an early age, and hopefully you will help to develop a live-long appreciation of the finer sounds in life.

[GaryM]

hey intransit2 http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif
The trick is to borrow someones ...
Banjo
Bagpipes
Accordian
uh..or steel drum...
you finally see the light and want to expand your horizons..
A two week stint will have her begging for the Rigel.
Good luck

[mandomiss]

I have a dillema that's on the totally opposite side of the spectrum: I'm a teenage girl (15) and my mom hates the sound of my mandolin playing. You would think that my dad's constant dobro playing would annoy her more but I could never really understand her dislike for the beautiful little instrument. If I were the adult in this situation I would come up with a sensable, fair solution (deal with it), but in our house this argument usually ends with me playing outside in my favorite tree (not recommended if you're playing your most expensive mando at the time) or laying on the lawn listening to my C.D.s (also of mandolin). Either way I'm out of the house and away from my mothers wrathful criticisms of my precious little mandolin. Of course this peaceful solution doesn't last long since my dad is an ever enthusiastic acoustic musician and needs to jam (in the living room) on a regular basis. Hmmmm....Maybe you should buy your daughter a guitar or something to get her into the acoustic music scene. Of course you could experience some marital difficulties, but my dad and I sure have a lot of fun. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Hope you can find a better solution than having to buy a new mandolin (though that really isn't a bad thing).

[sunburst]

If I were the adult in this situation I would come up with a sensable, fair solution (deal with it),
Sounds to me like you're well on your way.

[Michael Lewis]

Buy the Nickel Creek video for your daughter, and see what happens. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Tom C]

Bring home a fiddle and let her here you playing that for the first time.
She'll beg for you to play the mando.

[Bill James]

My son used to complain, but then I complained about his music also. These days we alternate CDs in the car and I try to show some interest in his music, bob my head or tap my foot and say "hey that was a cool solo". These days we tolerate each other better and if he gets tired of it he puts his Walkman on instead of complaining. I've even caught him singing a bluegrass song on occasion (under his breath of course). #

I remember when I was a teenager and my dad used to tell me how awful the music was that I listened to. I hated him doing that and would have done anything to get under his skin.

If you pretend to like her music she may tolerate yours.

[ira]

what type of music does she listen to.
a good mix with my folks and myself (and i'm 39= today actually) when i am visiting (other than things we agree upon -bigband jazz, folk), is newgrass and country tinged rock and roll. they like country and i love rockish music. we have both agreed that leftover salmon and railroad earth and sam bush are a great equalizer. if they would ever try the dead they would prob. love it too, but all the shows we saw as kids and the rep. of the shows scares them.

see if there is a mix that you both might like.

[Greenmando]

When I was a kid my dad let me know I had less rights than a renter. He never had a problem with my b**jo playing, by the way that is a sure way to make a kid never have a date http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif give them a b**jo. Seems that most kids have the thought that they own the house and can have a vote on the way things are run.

[TheNaivePicker]

Am I the Only teen that Likes mandolins?! (as much as I do http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif ) Well im sure the're are more teens who do, but I sure as heck have never met one.... Come to think of It I dont think Ive ever personally met anyone who does play mando! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif But Yeah...Either buy her ear plugs, OR! The better solution, if its worse than expected, Take your daughter and wife to the Doctor and tell him to put her back... http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif kidding...

[Flowerpot]

Gotta love the wisdom of hard-fought experience in these replies!

Sure makes me appreciate my two-year-olds, who are completely enthralled and shout "Mando! Mando!" when I bring in the case and play a few songs for them. Things are certainly simpler now -- not without frustration and hard work, but simple. I'll stockpile the advice for when they turn 13, as I'm sure they will love listening to whatever music I can't tolerate, and hate whatever I listen to the most... just like I did at the same age.

[Nick Triesch]

I love mandolin music. #I love bluegrass. #But I have come to find that a lot of folks don't share the music we love. My wife and 11 year old girl do not like the sound of the mandolin. #I know a lot of folks seem to like to hear it played with other instrurments like the guitar. # Not alone. # Played by its self I guess #can get on peoples nerves. # My wife says it sounds like #deek, #deek, #deek, #deek! #But on the other side of the coin this is the same wife that bought me my old 23 Gibson A type. #So I just play when they are not home. # Nick http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Greg H.]

The next time she complains about your mandolin playing give her a present--a walkman. She can then listen to her own music while you're playing and it costs a small fraction of an electric mando (around $30 at walmart). It's also great in the car, as both of my kids disappear into their own walkman worlds on trips while I'm listening to 'Del and the Boys.'