Jethro one liners

[Perry]

I was thinking it would be nice to compile a list of Homer and Jethro one liners that we can "steal" for our own shows. Any body remember any?

Here's two:

"You look clean but you laugh dirty"

"Wherever you go there you are"

[fredfrank]

"Here's a little tune called: The Shades of Night Were Falling Fast, But I Got a Pretty Good Look Any Way."
or: "He Didn't Like Her Apartment So He Knocked Her Flat."

[Ted Eschliman]

After audience appreciative clapping, "Wow! I haven't heard that much applause since I told my wife I was going to be out of town for two weeks..."

[glauber]

I think i read this here in the Cafe: "some kid told me he wanted to play like Django... so i broke two of his fingers."

[glauber]

Corny jokes (http://www.mandolincafe.com/archives/jokebook.html)

[John Flynn]

I read that when Jethro was on the Tonight Show, Johnny Carson was blown away by Jethro’s performance, so much so that afterwards, he left the desk and walked over to shake Jethro’s hand and chat with him on camera. Johnny said, “Wow, that was great! How long have you been playing that that instrument?"

Jethro nonchalantly looked at his watch and said, “Oh, about two and half minutes!” Carson cracked up and was completely upstaged.

You could have one of your band members ask you that question!

[Strange1]

Says the oldtimer when the city slicker asked him if he had lived here all his life.........."Not Yet".

Jack

[Jim Broyles]

"He's a real gentleman. He'd better be, because that's what it said on the door I seen him comin' out of!"

[Peter Hackman]

I beleive this one comes from Don Stiernberg. Jethro once sat in
with Bill Monroe, and Monroe welcomed him in his usual formulaic
manner, "Mighty glad to have you on stage with us here tonight ... what number would you like to play for the folks ..."
Jethro: "How about the one we rehearsed".

[AlanN]

Jethro to lady at the bar:

"Mind If I give a pregnant lady a ride home?"
"I'm not pregnant."
"You ain't home yet."

[John Rosett]

Mrs. Jethro- "drunk again!"
Jethro- "me too..."

Jethro- "surely you jest?"
Homer-"surely i jest said it!"

i saw Jethro in concert once, and the mandolin microphone had a yellow foam windscreen on it. Jethro walked up to it, looked down, and said "I will play a few sour notes tonight, as i am playing into a lemon."

[Don Grieser]

I've heard this one attributed to Jethro: "If you're out of tune, it sounds like there's more of you."

[mandolooter]

Don I heard Frank Wakefield say that once but hey I've said it too...!

[plunkett5]

I always liked..."Some A holes have F holes"

[makoto]

Jethro to Sam Bush: "Sam, do you wear a garter belt?"
Sam: "No Jethro, I don't."
Jethro: "Well, I do, every since my wife found one in my glove box..."

Quoted from Sam Bush at the Savannah Music Festival, 2005.

[gus garelick]

"That tune went over like pork chops at a Bar Mitzvah."
"Why lather up if you aint gonna shave?"
"I wrote this when I was feeling kind of down in the dumps; that's where I live, you know."

Gus Garelick

[Pete Martin]

"Vodka and prune juice, we comedians call this a Pile Driver."

[drewblue]

I got to pick with Jethro one night after a Steve Goodman show (yes, i'm showing my age BUT- really- i was just a kid then). I asked him what kind of pick he used, and he showed his tiny teardrop pick. He then asked me what i used (remember, i was a kid...). I pulled out a big fender triangle with one of the corners rounded off. Jethro's eyes got reai wide. Trying to save face (in advance) i blurted "that's what Norman Blake uses". Jethro looked at me very seriously and said "Son. that thing's a G******ed WEAPON"!
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[Spruce]

Jethro: "Quit talking over my solo..."

Homer: "Quit soloing over my talking"...

[OlderThanWillie]

"The Washburn Mandolin Company has asked me to announce that I'm playing a Gibson mandolin."

[Brutus1999]

It went something like this:

"I was going to have a partner playing with me tonight....but would you want to play with a guy who is completely unreliable, gets drunk all the time, and cheats on his wife?" "Well, would you?"

"Well, neither would he."

[John Flynn]

"We got a song here by what I consider to be one of the greatest composers in the world today. When I wrote this..."