New Hope for MAS Addicts

[Jim Roberts]

Excerpts (often paraphrased) taken from the Old England Journal of Gonzo Medicine and other confirmed and unconfirmed sources...

"It sounds like magic, but over the past decade or so scientists and those who claim to be scientists have come to better understand how the mandolin addicted brain works. #And they are using that knowledge to study a particular elixer as a potential treatment for the millions enslaved by their MAS cravings. #The leading candidate #is single malt Scotch. #Now, in addition to helping MAS addicts, Scotch consumption shows promise in early studies with binge greasy taco eaters, smokers, gamblers, Republicans and even banjo players on occassion. #Because Scotch has a record of safety (except for the occasional morning after torpor) doctors may prescribe the single malts as a treatment for MAS.

MAS is a kind of brain damage. #In a normal brain, a neurotransmitter called glutamate is released when a person experiences MAS desire. #It's essentially a "go" signal for the MAS impaired brain. #Countering glutamate is a neurotransmitter called GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), an inhibitor that keeps glutamate and other "go" signals from overwhelming the MAS inflicted mind. #The strength of the MAS craving depends on the balance of Glutamate and GABA in the brain as well as strength of off-gasses released by the #smell of new lacquer or varnish finish given off by the new mandolin. When a MAS addict confronts a new mandolin, theory has it, GABA is overwhelmed by the glutamate---and thus MAS trumps inhibition. #The brain then becomes flooded with dopamine, our master pleasure chemical, reinforcing the MAS desire. #It appears the single malt Scotch works on both ends of the GABA-glutamate seesaw: it reduces the release of glutamate and enhances the release of GABA. #In a recent study in Northeast Kansas (shortly after Mandofest 2005) 43.22 percent of hard-core MAS sufferers avoided the urge to buy yet another mandolin for up to thirty-six hours after heavy consumption of single malt Scotch."

I've been thinking about a new mandolin this week...better find my bottle of Oban.

Cheers!

(Pardon any misspellings...our house got struck by lightning last night and I'm still electrified by the juice)

[Eric F.]

And yet our dear leader has how many mandos to go with his taste for Talisker??? I'm not buying it.

[drelb]

I too am a Doctor that prescrobes single malt scotch. MAS seems to be an appropriate condition which is highly likely to assist in diminishing the need for acquisition. I currently prescribe Glenmorangie or Bowmore, dose is dependent on weight or may be calculated by the number of mandolins owned plus the number of visits to the classified section of the cafe. This number is only an estimate of the ounces that may be consumed in a 24 hour span. Of course in the highly letiginous world in which we live I am supposed to tell you that this is an off-label indication.

[Links]

First, just like I thought, there is no cure!

Of course, whether you buy that explanation or not there is no reason why a person should not consume single malt! Along with a fine cigar!

Secondly, why would you want a cure?

[acousticphd]

What does one take to facilitate an episode of M.R.S. (mando reduction syndrome)? I need a 60-90 day supply.

[Kbone]

Hey I'm all for a shot of Jameson, and a Macanudo Maduro.'

[flairbzzt]

You can keep the singles...Johnny Walker Black for me, although their green label single isn't bad....

[mandomadman]

Great, I tried the medical mando-wanna to cure my MAS, now I got to try scotch! Guess I'm going to be a mandoholic for the the rest of my life.

[Lee]

Were's all the bourbon or moonshine fans?
(Busy playing banjo perhaps?)
Laphroaig, please.

[Ken Sager]

Make mine a double...

Stat

[Ken Sager]

Hi, my name is Ken, and I'm a mandoholic. I need help.

Now that I've admitted I have a problem can I ask you, Jim, if you've found a buyer for the Collings yet?

[John Flynn]

Why are scarce medical resources being wasted to try to cure MAS? My guess is that these medical resources have been listening to my wife! But there are more serious conditions out there that are greater hazards to society, like BAS (Banjo Acquisition Syndrome, SAS (Spoons Acquisition Syndrome) AAS (Accordian Acquisition Syndrome), etc. Let's get our priorities straight and stop worrying about people buying too many mandolins, at least until I get my next one!

[Ken Sager]

Ok, Mando Johnny, just play along. Yes, it's a thinly veiled excuse to have a few (or more than a few) drinks. We all know we're helpless but why not enjoy a couple snorts and call it progress?

http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[stevem]

I've tried it all and nothing works. I tried alcohol; I tried religion; I've made all sorts of promises to the wife; I cut up all my credit cards and burned my spare cash (though in retrospect I should have taken it out of my back pocket first); I went to see the doctor of philosophy, who had poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knees...

And still, here I am, with a 1 week old mando resting against the fireplace.
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[mandobando]

I just ordered a new mando today. It's getting bad.

[ira]

now, i too prefer johnny black, but indulge in enough bowmore (truly the most unique scotch i've ever tasted- mmmm that smokey taste), that i shouldn't be wanting anything mando, it just isn't working. what else can i try?http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif

[flairbzzt]

I'm waiting for a sale to go through that will go toward financing another....the waiting is killing me...wait, wait! I found a c-card with an empty balance-I must hurry-I haven't a moment to lose!

[kyblue]

I recommend Woodford Reserve. If it doesn't actually cure anything, who cares?

[Dan Adams]

Wait! I find that the consumption of Single Malt only increases the MAS desires. Two conflicting ways to spend money. I'm so confused, expensive scotch or expensive mandolins. I'm so confused... I've tried many cures, Bowmor, Balvanie Double Barrel, Cardu, etc... I've asked Dr. Scott T. for help, but he too must suffer the same conflict of interest. Hey maybe that 16 year old Lagavulin I've had stowed away for 10 years will help? I'm afraid if I crack that seal a Gil is on the way.

Now single barrel Rum? Could be the answer! Dan

[J. Mark Lane]

Well, well, well (what a deep subject).

First, let's be clear: Jameson is not "Scotch." Please be advised that asking for a "Jameson Scotch" in certain places is likely to result in injuries that really will eliminate MAS (and everything else, too).

Secondly, Woodford Reserve is good stuff (whatever you want to call it).

Third, fyi, there is a very very very nice dark rum that comes out of Argentina, that is sold with a bottle inside a leather pouch, that is awesome. If you see it, buy it (then drink it, you fool).

Fourth, please note that, in addition to a good cigar, the thing that goes best with a good single malt Scotch is good quality *dark* chocolate. Try it. Ah, yes... I think I will.

Finally, the suggestion that single malt will allay MAS is categorically disproven by the very existence of J. Mark Lane. You're lookin' at a guy who worships single malts. And I am deeply afflicated with MAS, and have no desire to be cured. Indeed, I'm likely to have a nice shot (or four) of single malt (I tend to like a simple Macallan...25) while putting together the order for my next mandolin ... maybe even tonight (even though I have two custom orders out right now).

Anybody got any suggestions for a new mandolin? I'm thinking about checking in with Dale Ludewig....

Mark "Too Much Blood In My Alcohol Stream" Lane

[Dale Ludewig]

Oh, Mark- Come on in, my friend. As for me, Pinch is an old favorite, very peaty but quite the nice thing. MacAllen's is good. Glennfidditch a companion. And ah yes, a snoot or four over the course of a fine 'eve' with friends and mandos and lovely ladies perhaps around- there's nothing better. Maybe some hot pickin'. At that time, we break out the Jack and the less refined malt beverages, but by then you're thirsty.

Single malt is a wonderful thing- like a good mando. Now as for me, I can't afford much of the stuff. I rely on my wife to give it to me as a gift every so often. And MAS- there is no end to it, no matter how much single malt be plied upon oneself. That's why I build, frankly. Want a new mando and can't afford it? I build a couple on spec and tell my wife I've got to keep one for "display"... But I'd still love to afford my other builder friends' instruments. But I can't right now. So, back to the bottle (just kidding) or the workbench and the drawing board.

Mark, I'm awaiting your call. Days: 815-758-1505. Wait til you see these two point oval A's I'm building right now. Of course, one is going to have to stay with me for display purposes. Now, where's my Pinch?

[kyblue]

[QUOTE]Secondly, Woodford Reserve is good stuff (whatever you want to call it). #

We call it the finest Kentucky bourbon. And, speaking as Kentuckian, you can't find a better whiskey!

http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Dan Adams]

How did I forget MacAllen's? What a non-single malt scotch, micro-brew drinking idiot!! I was going to send my MacAllen's hat to Dr. Scotty T., but it is still in my 'What do I do with this hat?' pile. Kyblue? Bourbon, not even real whiskey!! Unless of course you are suggesting single barrel bourbon!! Now, okay twist my arm!!! So many choices, single malt, single barrel rum, single barrel bourbon... another mandolin... I'm still confused!

Is that a cork, or a screw off cap? Dan

[John Flynn]

Couldn't this Scotch treatment backfire and just result in you having MAS for a Fylde Single Malt Touchstone Mandolin, which is made out of old whiskey casks? (Pictured top right in the link below, description at the bottom.) I always thought they should market that mando with a stopper in the sound hole and spigot on the tailpiece and ship it full of whiskey! In order to play it, you would first have to drink the whole thing.
http://www.fyldeguitars.com/mandolins.html

[Scott Tichenor]

Single malts and too many mandolins. This is a crowd I like. Currently sipping the last of a birthday bottle of Oban and contemplating delivery of this winter's Kimble dola, and much sooner, an Aberlour a'bunadh this weekend. TGIF.

[mandoman15]

who said you need a cure? oops sorry im a minor, i'll just be stepping out...

[Dale Ludewig]

Hey Scott- did Will send you pictures of those last two in the white? I would imagine so. I think there was an octave and a two point. Beautiful things.

Yes, a great group, this little thread. Tonight, for some reason, I had a hankerin' for brown rice with onions and soy sauce, so that's what I'm eating as I read this right now. Just what I want. But in a couple minutes I'm going to head out to the pantry to see what's been left behind. I know we have some "buffalo grass" vodka from our personal friends in Poland. If you've never had this, try to find some. It's not single malt, but it is something special. And I know in the freezer I have some homehade as well as factory made Limoncello, that wonderful Italian liquor- just a dab will do you. Kind of like Brystal Creme (sp?).

What a treat this conversation is. All about mandolins.! And such.

By the way Scott, how's your new pet doing? Looks pretty cute to me.

[sunburst]

Here's more proof it doesn't work.
The one on the left just shows I actually am a banjo player.

(You asked for it!)

[Dale Ludewig]

So John, is the one on the left what you use for french polishing? Or is it what I think it is? Or both? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Dale Ludewig]

Oh yeah- that container on the right. "81?". If there's anything left in there, I'll meet you in Nashville and we'll taste it together in October? As you said recently about some ebony, want to share with the class? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[danb]

Usually I find Bruichladdich cask strength (G&M '88 if you can get it) is the right malt to enjoy with a fine F5. The extra strength of the malt is tempered with a small amount of ice, just as a slightly less heavy pick will bring the bass on the F5 down to a manageable level.

I've been known to leave a small flask in my mandolin case in case last call at the session happens while I'm still playing.

Did you know.. During prohibition, Bruichladdich single malt was the only drink allowed in the US "for medicinal reasons" ?

JML- Jameson's does have a Malt.. So does Bushmills. Not bad, but I'll take a carmeled Islay myself http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[OdnamNool]

I can't say the drink that I would recommend, cuzz I'm on my good bahavior and it would probably cause an uproar... #Well... o.k.... #Let's just say it's vodka mixed with grapefruit juice, and there's salt around the edge of the glass...

[Wilson]

Ah, the good things in life! Whiskey: Old Grandad Bonded, Baker's, etc.; Whisky: Laphroig 10y/o, The Balvenie, etc.; Rhum: Barbancourt Reserve Speciale, Appleton Estates VX, etc.; Wine (Where to begin?); Beer; Bell;s Third Coast Ale, Bully PA on draft,etc.; Food: Thai, BBQ, French, Mexican, etc.; Mandolins: Gibson, Collings, Mid-Mo, etc.; Mandolas: Lebeda, Kimble (Scott, I'd bet you will like yours), etc.. etc., etc.; Friends, Family, Pets, etc. A cure for MAS? Nowhere to be found in this sort of setting. I'm sure many letters to the editor of the OEJGM will point out the numerous flaws in this study. There is NO KNOWN CURE. Just deal with the disease and be happy and thankful.

[oldwave maker]

That woodford reserve doesnt seem to work on MBS (mandolin building syndrome) either. Sure was swell of Randolph to leave me a bottle as a color swatch for his attempted MAS cure, and thanks to Spruce I didnt have to empty it meself!

[kyblue]

Bill,

Now there's a color, and a color swatch, I can appreciate! #

The color looks great on a mando, what an inspiration.

Thanks for sharing,

Paula

[sunburst]

Bill, I'll have to admit that I borrowed your color matching idea...

[Dan Adams]

I forgot about my first love with expensive single malt, Bruichladdich. I figured if I couldn't pronounce it, and wasn't about to learn to speak Gaelic?, it must be good. I was right!

Shopping the Single Malt aisle for another find! Dan

[TeleMark]

While I do enjoy a nice single malt (Talisker is a favorite, although I did pick up a nice one from the Isle of Skye last time I was in the Heathrow duty-free), I must recommend high-grade tequila. My brother-in-law and I did some serious damage to a bottle of Patron silver last weekend. I didn't buy any mandolins last week, so it must have worked!

[Karen Kay]

TeleMark
We agree on the tequila option. Many nights at Winfield have been fueled by "mexican food". However if "Whiskey for Breakfast" is on the menu then it is Irish all the way. Single malts are reserved for the evening gathering with a wide variety of malted barley in everyone's cooler. Fine friends, instruments, and music. Things are looking good here at the Cafe.
K&R

[mandodebbie]

I was joking with my brother about joining my local Bluegrass Club. Since he doesn't play any instruments, I suggested he learn the Jug. Being a scientist, he automatically mentioned that the pitch could be deepened with each drink from the vessal. "What? You want bass? Glugg, Glugg, Glugg!" Ah,those hydro-geologists are such cards! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[Dale Ludewig]

Telemark and San Raphael- ah yes, the clear stuff from the south- another treat. At my shop landlord's Xmas party this last year, his maintenance crew, mostly from south of our border and thankfully seem to like me, lured me off of to a corner of the room, away from the "oysters on the half shell" area- they pulled out a small bottle with this stuff that looked like water (you know). Agave, I believe was the source. Homemade. A couple of small sips- My, my- what a wonderful evening, even better than before. I don't believe we can put a commercial name on this stuff, but it was much like tequilla. A treat. And a honor to be offered it by these guys that don't know me that well. Well, better now. So, yes, let's not forget the great southwest........

[mandomadman]

I thought only fiddle players drank Bowmore ?

[Scott Tichenor]

While we're on this subject, I'm wondering if anyone here has either played or seriously considered the single malt whisky mandolin from Fylde Guitars and Mandolins. I'm not making this up. See the picture below. It's the one in the upper right-hand corner.

Description from their web site (http://www.fyldeguitars.com/mandolins.html):

Identical in design to our Touchstone mandolin, but made from timbers reclaimed from the Scotch Whisky trade. The top is built up from sections of Oregon pine from a washback vessel from the Talisker distillery on the Isle of Skye. This vessel held hot spirit continually for around forty years before the timber came to Fylde. The back and sides are quartered oak from salvaged single malt Whisky casks, which have been soaked in maturing alcohol first in America or Spain, then in Scotland, for perhaps ten years before reaching our workshop. The neck and fingerboard are made from sections of both timbers. These timbers seem to suit mandolins remarkably well, adding a deep and mature nature to the sound.

Well now, there's something you don't see every day. I love this kind of stuff.

[Kbone]

Wow ! some beautiful looking mandos there - just think, on a real hot and humid day the fragrance these babies would give off, one could start feeling real good.

[eastcarterman]

as one of the younger mando pickers on this board, of legal age, i decided to give this a try, my choice for my first single malt scotch was the Glenlivet. Overall it was very smooth and seemed to help my fingers move quickly from fret to fret. As for my MAS....no change, I'm still going to buy that collings mf-5 one day.

[B. T. Walker]

I found that Balvenie Double Barrel is an excellent single malt scotch, but it only aggravated my MAS. It also soothed my jangled nerves when I was being raked over the coals by my ex-mother-in-law.:D http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wow.gif