Gigs from below!

[BenE]

We booked a night at a VFW out of town. #We got there and assessed the PA system...it looked like something out of a 1980's roller skating rink. #So we set up our system and rang out the room. #We use one large condenser mic and all play around it like the old days. #We do more of a progressive bluegrass show as opposed to just traditional tunes. #Well the VFW was probably like most around the US. #Lots of older guys smoking and drinking canned beer. #We take the stage and go into the first few tunes. #The crowd was just sitting and watching....no real reaction from them other than a meager handclapping at the end of the songs. #As I told you earlier the sound system they had a POS so we used ours. #We usually do about a hour and fifteen minute set....well, about 30 minutes into the set we had just finished a song when the sound guy/DJ comes over the house PA and says "Folks, give these boys a round of applause and were going to let them take a break". #We all sort of look at each other and go "well, okay, I guess we're taking a break". #The first song the DJ plays is Princes' "Purple Rain". #Everyone in the place gets up and dances. #We have a drink and break for about twenty minutes and go back on stage. #Same scene as before ....people sitting and watching the show....meager clapping at best. #Thirty minutes into the set same damn thing. #DJ comes on and tells the folks the boys are taking a break. This time he starts off with "Low Rider". #Everyone gets up and dances. #We drink.... Next set ...yep, you guessed it....same thing....only this time it's "Funky Col Medina".....everyone dances. #We end up doing about 5 or 6 thirty-minute sets all the time with a DJ saying things like "give the boys a hand" between songs. # I don't know if this guy/DJ brought all the music with him as well as the speakers when he left the roller rink job but he had some cheesy vintage stuff! #After the first set I wanted to pack up and call it a night but we wanted our guarantee so we kept our mouths shut and played on. #It had to be the most depressing gig ever! #Lesson learned....No More VFW's for us!

[Christine W]

I"m sitting here picturing old guys dancing to funky cold medina and prince:D

Sorry about your unfortunate experience but your story makes for a heck of a visual.

[jeffshuniak]

I like the crowded around the old mic part.

do you mind if I ask about this mic. did you guys sound good? I am left handed and I discoverd I can really take atvantage of this and use one mic, at small gigs. the guitar sits left, I sit right, our soundboxes meet with the mic inbetween and infront to catch it all. only, whats the point? I can use two 57's on a yoke stand with boom and sound great. but something , maybe aesthetics, mabye the historian in me, I dont know, I kinda like the idea of this old mic inbetween us while we play. also we play right now, a restaraunt in town, our room is limited.. thats where I figured out to do this boom with twin mic attachment. music stands sits behind that.it doesnt block my view, but its a stretch to turn pages. an old open mic , I could sit actually infront almost between our chairs? then nothing infront of the music stand at all. obviously with more room at a better gig, this wouldnt be neccessary, but the old mic interests me... you guys should have made a publicity pic with you all crowded around it! people could pay for a old timey photographer for something like that.

[John Flynn]

We volunteered to play for a monthly "happy hour" at an assisted living facility, as a favor to a friend. "Assisted living" is sort of halfway between a retirement community and an old folks home. Everone had thier wits about them and could pretty much take care of themselves. We started mid-afternoon. There were about 50 people in the audience and they seemed to enjoy it. They were listening intently, tapping thier feet, applauding, etc. Then, right in the middle of a tune, almost all of them just got up at once and walked out. We were wondering, "what the heck did we do wrong?" We learned later that dinner gets served at 4:30 and no matter what is happening at 4:29, they are headed for the chow line.

[Dru Lee Parsec]

Well, I played with a local rock band in the 70's and 80's. #We played a battle of the bands that was suppose to have 5 bands. #The last band to play set up first and then pushed all their gear to the back of the stage. #Then the 4th band would setup and push it back, then the 3rd and so on. #The 1st band to play had about 4 feet of room for them and their gear.

We were #4 on the list so we setup 2nd. #Band #3 didn't show up. #Band #2 set up and then left. #The place was such a dive they wanted to go drink at a different bar. #Band #1 never showed up. #The club also had punk rock shows there and the back parking lot was so covered with broken beer bottles that we had to borrow a broom and sweep a path for our cars just to have a place to park.

So it's time for the gig to start and bands #1,2 and 3 arn't there, but about 200 people are. #So Jerry Roach, the owner (and only one of the reasons we called his clubs 'the roach motel') asked us to get up on stage. #Oh by the way, instead of your 30 minutes battle of the band set could you play for about an hour and 15 minutes? #And instead of the $50 we were going to pay you you'll now get $50 and two pitchers of free beer.

The lights go down and we start to play while trying to ignore the disturbing visual of seeing roaches crawling on the stage. Thank god we didn't eat there. #I wasn't even sure if I wanted to drink the beer. When we're done we really don't care who wins the battle of the bands we just want out. #So we unload our gear out the back door and into the van and cars. #I have to go back in and get our money. #Well, the next band was already playing and the back door enters directly onto the stage so I had to go around to the front where (and you won't believe this part) THE DOORMAN MAKES ME PAY THE $5 COVER CHARGE TO GO INSIDE TO GET MY MONEY FOR PLAYING THE GIG!

Broken glass, roaches of both kinds, tripling our set time, and then ending up with $45 to split up for 4 people. #I pretty much decided that I didn't want to be in a band any more at that point. #It was about 15 years before I played in public again. #And you know what? It worked out just fine. #I don't think I was cut out to be in an 80's hair band. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[BenE]

This one was not so bad as it is funny. #We occasionally do corporate type parties. Lots of times you really don't know who you're playing for until you get there. #Well, this particular gig was one for retired schoolteachers. #Maybe about 100-150 folks all together and 99% were ladies. #They are all enjoying themselves and having a good time listening to the music. #We kick off some high-energy tune and a couple of the ladies start a conga line and are dancing around this pavilion holding onto one another's waist...before you know it almost all the folks in the bunch are in the conga line. #At first they start dancing around a big circle keeping the time pretty well. #As you might imagine that being retired some of these ladies were on up there in years. #The conga line starts slowing down. #It was all I could do to play my instrument without laughing....the line gets slower and slower.... pretty soon the ladies are all just walking around in a big circle....so what do we do? #You guessed it....we played solo after solo trying to see how long these ladies would dance/walk around the big circle. #Pretty soon the whole conga line slowed to a crawl. #Ladies dropping out like flies. #The line dwindled from about 100 ladies to about 10. #It had to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen at a gig. #Those ladies were a blast! #They came up all night telling us how much they loved our music. #I still get a good laugh about that today. #One lady in particular was probably in her early 70's.....that lady danced all night! #She skipped dinner so she could dance. #The sweetest little lady you have ever seen! #Sometimes you just never know what you're getting into!


Jeff....It sounds like a AT4033 would be the ticket for what your doing. The less crowd noise the better with that style microphone. Sounds great in my opinion. In a loud room it doesn't work quite as well cause it picks up everything! I also like the energy you give off moving in and out around the mic. Certainly adds to the stage show.

[jeffshuniak]

"dinner at 4:30! what a deal!" # - homer j. simpson. (visits father at retirement home) talk about a tv baby.

we were minstreling in seminole mall, right next to freedom village (a retirement home)
so they bring in the elderly before we get there. we start walking one day, and we walked right up to a woman who smelled like number one. poor old lady, but super embarrassing for us to, we had to walk away without being obvious... but that was hard becuase that particuluar smell kinda shocks you when you arent in a bathroom.

[jeffshuniak]

AT4033 so probably better for a stage than a restaraunt... little noisy..

sorry to hijack the thread...:(

[sbarnes]

gigs from he**....yep, been there, done that
we don't play bluegrass but rockin' country - check us out at: http://www.grits.addr.com/natch.html but a couple of stories are in order here:

1. arrived at a venue several hundred miles away from home, met w/road manager in lobby of hotel (also the show venue) to get room assignments, etc. and noticed we were the only white people there!!! not racist at all but i said 'we're in trouble'....reminded me of the blues brothers where they played the country bar but in reverse....we played our very limited list of soul music a LOT that night....
2. played a venue similar to the vfw story above - not vfw but similar...lots of 'older' people....watched as they toddled (sometimes using walkers) onto the dancefloor and then cut loose w/electric slide, etc...really a hoot....

[dudleyunderhill]

We played for a local singles group, which we soon found out was comprised primarily of divorcees and retirees, most of them in the autumn of life. #We played our regular (rather high-energy) set and got a polite, if unenthusiastic response. #A lot of smiling and nodding, if you know what I mean. #When we finished, they broke out the karaoke machine and took turns singing (in most cases I use this term very loosely) and dancing to hits from the late 60's and 70's. #They were having a blast, once we got out of the way! #While we were loading up our gear, our other guitarist steps over to me and says, "This is just like Cocoon." #I just lost it. #To this day I can't think of that movie without remembering that gig, and it brings a smile to my face every time.

[jlb]

I was at a gig at a company party years ago. These were suit and tie types. They were NOT into acoustic music. During set 2, a drunk guy at the party blasted some music on the stereo. Guess which one of us got pissed off first. No doubt, you guessed it, the b@njo player put his instrument away, went up the guy, and knocked him out cold.

We did not get payed that night.

[Ken Sager]

I played in a rock band years ago. We did a gig in a bar in Cokeville, Wyoming, in 1987. We were a short notice substitute for a band that cancelled, travelled from Salt Lake City (150 miles - 7 hours by VW bus) and set up sound. Immediate electrical issues caused shorts, fried strings (actually had guitar strings melt red hot while unwinding...), burned up an amp, horrid. Anyway, we found out while limping a sound system together that it was an all-nighter to start at 9PM and last until the manager decided we were done. We had four sets of material and ended up recycling every single tune we knew at least once. The only time folks danced was when we played anything by CCR. We were getting requests all night long. Sometimes we'd fake it, mostly we just played Proud Mary, Fortunate Son, and Have You Ever Seen The Rain over and over and over... At one point a drunk came up to me, I leaned over (I was on the stage) and he said "I have known you and loved you for years."

I told him I didn't know that song but I'd ask the guys in the band if they did.

Got paid and split town.

Joy to all,
Ken

[Michael H Geimer]

We were on a co-bill tour with some label mates somewhere before the turn of the century. Well, we had our own crew and PA travelling with us, but would use the house systems to monitor ourselves. We ended up one night in a club with an absolutely hideous sounding monitor system - you'd hear more static and fuzz than you would music.

Now, It is worth noting that while the club was tiny, the stage was high, and the singer for the other group was sporting a huge ego. We were headlining that night, possibly he was sore about that, too.

So, I'm eating my dinner in the dressing room, when all of sudden it gets a little too quite. Then, the tour manager bust in, and yells "Get ready, and get on stage as quick as you can!"

Holy Cow! Turns out the singer got so P.O'd at the poor monitor sound, he picked his monitor up and pitched it right into the crowd!?! Thank god he didn't hit anyone!

Now of course, that would be the same monitor I was set to use in our set. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif And being the keyboardist, that monitor was my only sound source - with no monitor I literally played by site that night.

What a self-centered jerk, eh? Stupid Rock-n-Roll ego's ... what are you gonna do about 'em.

- Benignus

[oh danny boy]

Folks, this is the funniest thread I've read in quite a while - keep it up!

Dan

[BenE]

Funny things happen at our gigs. When we first got together as a band we were playing an outside BBQ party at this house. #The homeowner worked at a local restaurant and invited all the employees over for music, beer, and BBQ. #Most of the dishwashers were of Hispanic origins and were really into what we were playing. #As the night progressed the booze began to take effect on the crowd. #To make a long story short... one of the dishwasher comes up to us and throws himself down on the ground and starts.....well, I can barely describe what he is doing but to me it looked like the guy was having a seizure. #He was rolling around in the dirt hooting and hollering like he had gotten the spirit. #Before you know it a couple of the other dishwashers join him in this strange dance in the dirt. #It was about 95 degrees out that day and the dirt combined with the sweat these boys were working up made for quite a scene at this nice little backyard BBQ. #Come to find out... next-door lives an older gentleman that plays fiddle. #We told the host to invite him over to play with us..... well, this whole time the fiddle player had been peaking out the window at us playing and the strange sight of these guys rolling around in the dirt. Needless to say he wanted no part of that action! #That was a most interesting BBQ! #again.... you just never know what will happen at a gig!

[Brian Baker]

I've got two:

1. Its one of our first gigs, at an old train depot. Wooden plank floors, great place for live bluegrass. Audience is mostly older folks, many of them farmers... Between songs, I feel the need to tell a b*njo joke to lighten the mood. "Whats the difference between a banjo player and a mutual fund?" [Big silence.] "Eventually, the mutual fund will mature and start earning money!" [Bigger silence.] I don't think anyone in that crowd had any idea what a mutual fund is! Good joke, wrong audience.

2. Gig at a really small country church: just a 40x40 building with an "altar" and two rows of pews. We play our set, and after the last song ("Ill Fly Away") the preacher asks to join us on stage to lead a final prayer before dismissal. Altar/stage is maybe 12 ft wide but not very deep, so the four of us part in the middle to let the preacher in. As he bows his head and starts to pray, realizing I need more elbow room, I step to the side a bit and knock into some sort of wall-mounted chime unit (doorbell? clock?). You never realize the volume you can get out of a set of cheap metal cylinders until you stir 'em up in the middle of the benediction! I had to ask the Lord for forgiveness, but oh man, was it funny...
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Brian

[Brian Baker]

Wait, I forgot one more:

Once, I introduced our guitar player (Jerry Henderson) as Jerry Richardson (owner of the Carolina Panthers, and I am in SC so everyone caught the slip up).

Also, once our band had two friends play with us: a guitar player with last name Mayfield, and a fiddle player who looked just like a childhood buddy of mine named Curt. Of course, when I said "Give a big hand for Curtis Mayfield", I got some real strange looks from the guys in the band!

Brian

[mandofiddle]

"Whats the difference between a banjo player and a mutual fund?" #[Big silence.] "Eventually, the mutual fund will mature and start earning money!" [Bigger silence.] #
That's hilarious. I had the exact same thing happen to me at a gig a few years back. I told the "What's the difference between a Harley and a banjo?" joke... You can tune up a Harley. Dead silence while I say... "Um... okay... next tune..."

That and the whole set we played was on a flatbed trailer that wasn't very secure. It kept rocking back and forth the whole set. I thought I was gonna get sick... I kept having to tell a couple members of the band to "Please, try and not rock back and forth"...

[doanepoole]

I once had a gig with a Skruggs-style b@njo player http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

It was scary...horrifying. I cried myself to sleep that night.

[jim simpson]

Once took a gig to play on a float in a July 4th parade complete with hay bails and noisy generator. The cool thing was our audience was constantly changing so we only had to keep playing the same 2 or 3 songs! We got paid, I split and went on to another one day event where I got to judge at a bluegrass competition. - got paid again! and got to jam onstage.
To recap: the noisy generator was the bad part but the rest was good!

[Nik-chick]

Dying jokes reminded me. I was at a festival on the town square in Smithville (paved, on the 4th of July...I have my celphone cover decorated with nail polish and it was MELTING, made me glad there was none on my hands that day). After we'd been there for a pretty long time we had to go to the car and listen to the festival on the local AM radio with the A/C blasting to keep from getting heat exaustion while listening for the category I was entering (Old-Time Gospel). The hood had to stay up to keep the engine from overheating from that. I got enough of my energy back to have air to sing. Well, as soon as the category before that was about to end we went toward the stage. Because of the walk back and the fact that once we got there we couldn't hear much behind the stage, I, as well as several other people, did not hear the same joke being made OVER and OVER. I was told that I made one of the cleanest versions of it (which is sad, 'cause I thought I was pushing the envelope to say this in a gospel competition). I said "We may be singing about heaven, but this sure feels like someplace else!" I wondered why no one reacted. *L* I hear that even more people did that after me (probably not as many as did that before tho).

I almost forgot to mention that the thermometer (that was part of the decoration) on the stage read 96 degrees. Who knows what it was down on the pavement.

This wasn't a gig from down below at all (nor was it technically a gig since I did one song and I paid them an entry fee). I had a great time! It just FELT like it was down below.

[Frankmc]

Sounds like some of the responses about this topic come from guys who've had some on the road time so you all cast your minds back to the days you did the County/State Fair thing. Not the one day local gig from hell... no, these last weeks. I was the "old guy " (45, what was I thinkn) recruited by a bunch of young (20, 21) guns to play B3 and we got put on the summer
Iowa, Nebaska, Ohio etc fair trip. These are 3, 4, days of 3 sets a day then drive, repeat.. I did this once before...in the 70's . I was 17. The guys were just gung ho and I was trying to get them to take care of their bodys 'cause I knew the toll you pay after 4 weeks of driving , all the fair food you can eat and the mid-west heat. Did they heed dads advice? Nope. I sat behind my B3 and watched as we experianced in no particular order, the bass player throw up on the locals(from the stage) after eating greasy food in 100* Nebraska heat, the lead singer get 2nd degree burns on his feet because, yes a rock star just has to sing barefoot at the front of the stage,the crowd get up and leave because they ( I can't believe I forgot about this stuff when we agreed to set times) announce it's time to wake up "Alice" the gator and feed her chicken... the list goes on.. and... ya know, I'm 50 now and if I could get time off from work this summer.....

Frank

[MOP]

We played second part after a well known female singer and our lead singer was so afraid that he sung out of ton.

[Greg H.]

I think this one should fit the gigs from below catagory pretty well. We were playing in a biker bar in Tulsa with a marquee out front that said 'Bomb Iran Today!' (that should set the era for those of us who remember the late 70s). We were about halfway through the first set when a girl comes up to the side of the stage and says 'Will you play Will the Circle Be Unbroken for Loser, he just got buried today?'. I nod and relay the message to our bass player, who promptly gets a grin on his face, walks up to the mike and says "We're going to play Will the Circle Be Unbroken for Loser who just got married today. Congratulations Loser!" A guy at the front who looked to weigh around 300 (and probably all muscle from tossing Harleys around in the shop) jumped up sending his pitcher of beer crashing to the floor and yells "buried %#%@ %^#@ it." After profuse apologies, a few silent prayers, and futile glances at the exit things calmed down and it ended up being a pretty good gig (they payed well and were quite appreciative). For a while there though I would have gladly payed them to let me leave rather than expect payment for the the music.

[mrmando]

I"m sitting here picturing old guys dancing to funky cold medina and prince:D
Those were the Gulf War veterans!

[AeroJoe]

I got conned into doing this gig at a "yatch club" on the NC coast...I was promised good pay, a grand dinner including lobster, a private room for my wife and I with a waterbed and ocean-front view...

The private room turned out to be sleeping bag on the floor of a 1960's era mobile home in a trailer park. The only view of the ocean was a picture on the wall---the same one that was on the family room wall of "The Jefferson's" TV show...

Next day we get up to go to this "yatch club"...we drove for miles down parallel with the intra-coastal waterway. Right up to a BP Service Station-Convenient store there on the docks, for boats to come in and fill up with fuel and snacks. This was the "yatch club". Ashby Frank was playing mandolin that day, some of you may know who he is...

We were all ticked off a little at the guitar player that got us this gig. Things were not happening the way they were explained or previously described. Our "lobster" dinner was grilled hamburgers ...then after about an hour, one real yatch did happen to come chugging up the waterway for a re-fuel...and every woman on it was topless and wearing a thong...

Suddenly, this gig was not so bad after all...and the look on the then 12-year old Ashby, I'll never forget it...

We made sure we got booked again for the following year.



Another time, back in the '70's, we were playing in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I was only 12, and like Ashby in the above story, I was the kid in the band. I happened to be playing b***o. I must have been coming along on it, I was paid AHEAD of time, before I even got it out of the case! The gig was a private party at a residence in a newer housing developement. As we played the first set complete with a primitive sound system (on loan from The Pickin' Post in downtown Jonesboro,) this City Of Jonesboro garbage truck kept lumbering up the road. It went by, LOUDLY, at least twice during our first set. After we took a break, I noticed some kids my age playing Evel Kneivel in the street on their bikes...they had a pretty high and well-made bike ramp and were lining up hotwheels cars in a row to see how many they could jump over. Come to find out, I knew two of the kids from school. One guy, Kevin Jones, happened to have a bag of Black Cat Bottle Rockets with him, a full gross (144)... Here comes that darn garbage truck slowly up the street again. Kevin said "Hey! Let's opening the whole thing (the bottle rockets) and line them up here on the ramp and attack that truck when it comes by!". So, as the truck went slowly around us, we laid out those rockets on the ramp... and as the truck pulled back in front of us, we lit every fuse with two butane lighters...

...It was like a scene from "Star Wars", rockets swooshing, firing and exploding, dozens at the time, in the back area of that garbage truck where it mashes the garbage...I'm not sure what the two black guys in the truck thought was happening, but the driver immediately jumped out of the truck and went to running and hollering up the street...the guy in the passenger side tried to control the truck, then he gave up after more explosions, and jumped out of his side and went running, screaming after the driver...

I laughed so hard, my knees buckled and I could not run and I had tears pouring out of my eyes...I cannot remember laughing /so hard/ at anything before or since...

[mrmando]

Well, I've had a few gigs where only a couple of people showed up, but nothing else really went wrong. It's just discouraging to perform when there's as many people on stage as in the audience.

Once I was playing a Christmas concert with the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra at a public library. The fire alarm went off just after we started "Feliz Navidad." We had to stop playing and evacuate along with our instruments.

[earthsave]

This aint as bad as those above but our band leader, the guy with the truck and in charge of the sound equipment, used to invariably leave some essential piece of it at home when we would play at this bar about 45-60 minutes away.

One time he forgot the power supply to the tube amp, but we managed to play without it ok, another time he forgot the power cable, but luckily these days those are a dime a dozen and we located one in the back room from a monitor.

We use a single mic (AT 4033), and the worst time was when we had everything setup but when we went got to the part where we plug the mic in we couldnt find the little wooden box. We ended up flipping the shock mount up vertically and dangling an SM57 type mic in the center of the shock mount. Needless to say, we didnt get heard over the bar noise. Thank goodness for free beer.

[Dennis Gordon]

The missing P.A. equipment reminded me of a gig about 10 years back:

I used to lead the band at the Dry Gulch Dinner Theatre outside of Chicago. It was your touristy western revue; showgirls, unlimited beer; food you ate with your fingers. It was a "country" gig, but we rocked pretty hard.

We used to do the occasional outside gig. One summer we got booked at the Countryside, IL town fair. We were told that everything we'd need would be there for us. When the 5 band members and 5 showgirls arrived, the organizers were surprised to see that we were a musical/comedy revue. They had expected some sort of wild west cowboy novelty act that was going to stage mock gunfights and twirl lariats. They were totally unprepared for a live band, singers and dancers. They had no P.A. at all, and we were an electric band. One of the organizers assured us that the local high school band was coming next, and he was "pretty sure" that their director was carrying a P.A. We waited a bit, and the band showed up. Asked if he was carrying a P.A., the director said "sure" and opened the trunk of his car to reveal a single hand mic and an old Shure amp and speaker that must have been 20 years old... just perfect for making announcements at the basketball game, and little else.

With showtime approaching, we had no choice but to wing it acoustically. We kicked it with "Big Night in Dry Gulch", a rewrite of "Big Ball's in Cowtown" followed by some Judds' , some other current country, Orange Blossom Special etc. We had our amps, so the instruments could be heard, but we had to drop *way* down every time there was a vocal. The crowd of about 200 kept gathering in tighter and tighter so that they could hear. They were real nice and appreciative of the music. The girls were working overtime selling their dancing and vocalizing, and we did our best to let them be heard. We pulled it off pretty good; got lots of applause and nice comments afterwards. But one comment made the day. A nice old guy came up and told us how wonderful we were. Then he hesitated and said "If you don't mind, I do have one suggestion...Have you ever considered using microphones? You know people could hear you a lot better if you did." We looked at each other with amazement. "Microphones? What a great idea. We'll have to give it a try. Thanks mister!" We'd never mentioned the P.A. problem, troupers that we were. They must've thought we were a buncha rubes or somethin'.

[mrbook]

We played one gig where a woman in the audience died. It wasn't our fault; she had been ill, and her doctor told her it might be her last day, so she chose to spend it at this bar that I would never go in unless they paid me to play there. After they took her out, the guy running the show urged us to keep playing to get everyone's spirits up. Everytime he turned his back, someone else would leave, and after an hour or so the place cleared out so we could go home.

I never told my wife - she asked how it went when I got home, and I said, "We killed them."

[Nik-chick]

Dennis: What's a "rube"http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/rock.gif

mrbook: *LOL* I mean, not a funny story, but good line.

[Jaws]

Most people in the band I'm in play more than one instrument when we play, so in one break between songs when everyone was switching instruments (except me), I decided to try out a banjo-player joke. I know a bunch of them by heart but, of course, the first thing out of my mouth is "what's the difference between a bajo and a fiddle..." at which point I think, "oh wait, that's not the joke," only I manage to say that thought right into the mike... said it out loud. Younger part of the crowd (friends and the like) oooohed me out in a very 'oh, that's bad, joke's on you!' kind and taunting manner, and I don't think I could have gone any redder.

[Dagger Gordon]

Wouldn't say it was a nightmare - hilarious actually - but one of my more unusual gigs was when we played a joint twenty-first birthday party for a couple of young guys.

All of the relations were there, mothers, grannies aunts etc, plus all their pals. Things went fine the first half and we took a break, at which point a girl and her minder came and asked if they could play a CD through our PA while she did her act.

She turned out to be a stripper. The 2 young birthday boys had to sit beside each other in front of the stage while she took off her top and shoved a t*t in each of their faces! The poor guys had no idea how to react, what with granny etc all watching.

That's not all however. An older brother got somewhat drunkenly up on the stage to ask the crowd to give 3 cheers for the band. He had hardly finished when he was set upon by a bunch of guys and seconds later was staggering butt naked around the hall before his mother whisked him off into a side room.

[jimbob]

Back in about 1989, the group of pickers I played with was asked to provide the entertainment at the grand opening of a miny-mart just outside of Corpus Christi, TX. We agreed when the owner of the new store told us he would buy the beer ! Corpus Christi didn't used to be a BG hot spot...but we didn't care...free beer and an excuse to pick...so we set up on the front porch of the miny-mart... just in time to judge the Holloween costume contest. Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles were very popular that year, so we all agreed on the one we liked the best and began the business of pickin' a little BG for the folks. Not long into our first set, a very "happy" Hispanic gentleman walked up to our mandolin player and aksed if we knew " Ju-Pita". We said no and continued on with the set. After two or three more brews, the same guys walked up again and asked for "Ju-Pita". Again , we offered to play something else, but he wouldn't hear of. In fact, he was very insistant that we played "Ju-Pita". Our mandolin player, trying to be diplomatic, asked the guy if he could sing a little of the song for us and maybe we would recognize it by another name. The guy broke into a big smile and said, " Sure...it goes like this...Ju-Pita a fine time to leave me, Lucille..."
We didn't stay long after that...

[Rich]

Paid gig about 3 months ago. We were told to set up in the lobby. They had a fancy dinner in the other room and we played, but the audience stayed in the dinner room the entire evening while we played to an empty room. They even had a stereo going in the dinner room. Not a soul- I mean no one- came into the lobby to hear us. It was a benefit for a bluegrass radio station too! We messed around most of the night, considered it a practice and still got paid..

[BenE]

Rich...We had a very similiar experience not too long ago. We played in a lobby while everyone ate in a dinner room. Very strange gig indeed! When they came out they invited us to take a break and eat dinner. So they really didn't see us perform for more than 30 minutes or so. But, the dinner was great....they paid us and gave us a tip! What more can you ask for as a performer?

I'll never forget the one time at a corporate party that a lady came up to us and asked if we knew any "good" songs? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif
I told her all we knew were good songs and introduced the rest of the songs of the set by saying....."Folks, here is another good song by__" http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Yeah...I know I was being a butthead and should of stayed cool but.......I didn't http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Rroyd]

I'm reminded of playing one hot summer evening when an elderly gentleman collapsed on the dance floor. #His wife, figuring that his bad heart had failed, began screaming. #The manager of the club ran up to the bandstand and told us to keep playing, but louder, in the hopes that we would drown out her panic-stricken cries and the crowd wouldn't realize anything was wrong, since it was his biggest night of the year and he certainly didn't want to have something like somebody dying on the dance floor to dampen the festivities. #When the ambulance crew arrived they had to argue with him about having us continue to play, as they couldn't check his vital signs with a band blowing the walls down 30 feet away. #It turned out the heat and excess alcohol had caused him to pass out, and he was back on the dance floor in an hour or so.
# #Then there was the night we were playing for a corporate Christmas party, and someone drove by the country club and put a bullet through the window. #(Probably some disgruntled employee) #The bullet shattered a window about two feet above the floor and lodged in the wall on the opposite side of the room, passing through about 30 couples on the dance floor. #The crowd all ran over to the window and looked outside, while we hunkered down behind the pa speakers. #The only consequence was a rather large lady with a lowcut gown who was sitting near the window had to go in the restroom and shake out the broken glass. #
# # Then one night we were being harassed by three drunk cowboys, who knew every one of Garth Brooks' hits, and knew that they were better than we were. #They kept marching up on stage, demanding that we let them play. #Finally I moved the portable steps that led up to the 3-foot-high bandstand about four feet away from the stage. #That time they marched up the steps, stared at the four foot gap between them and the stage, turned around and went back down and never bothered us again.
We used to do "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain", and our bass player would lip sync it, while I sang it, practicing my ventriloquism skills. (Elks club nights can sometimes get awfully long, so we came up with interesting ways to keep from getting bored.) Right in the middle of the song one of the club employees came up to the bandstand, needing to talk to me about something, then became somewhat annoyed when I didn't respond immediately. I thought everyone on the bandstand was going to die laughing when he finally left.

[Nik-chick]

Rroyd: I've heard of t**s and a**; I reckon that lady in your second story had t**s and glass.

[John Rosett]

i played in a bluegrass band in kansas city in the 80's, and our bass player got us a gig on a thursday night at a bar about 40 miles out of town. when we walked in, there was disco music blaring, and about half a dozen strippers dancing on the stage. there were about 20 farmers drinking and watching the strippers.
when it came time for us to set up, the strippers left, and so did all the customers. so we played four sets to an almost empty house. even though the bass player had booked the gig, the owner decided that i was the one he was going to talk to. he would march up to the stage,and pull on my pants leg and say something like, "don't you boys do any belly-rubbers". i finally got tired of it and asked him if he would like to have my boot in his mouth. that got him to stop, but the bass player was mad at me because i'd ruined our chances of getting asked back...
i should add that earlier in the day, i had met emmylou harris' steel player and he had given me a backstage pass to her show that night....
i got a million of 'em! john

[Rroyd]

I forgot the best one. # Some friends of mine who had a Bluegrass band were hired to play in a large metropolitan club that had always featured R&R. #Each week the crowds grew smaller, but the owner seemed thrilled and kept hiring them for the following weekend. #The band found out what was going on one night when the guitar player was seated in a restroom stall, and overheard two other occupants complaining that their drug sales were "way off" and this band was driving off all their customers, so they were going to have to set up shop at some other club with music more to their clientele's liking. #After a few more weeks, the "Bluegrass cleansing" was complete, and the club owner thanked them for a job well done, although he never came clean as to his real reason for hiring them.

[Nik-chick]

Rroyd: *L* That's actually kinda cool. If the word had just gotten out and brought the right crowd IN. I almost didn't get it, because I read R&R as Rhonda and the Rage instead of Rock and Roll at first!

[Rroyd]

Nik-Chick,
Your humorous comment was right on the mark. I recall her friends marvelling at the fact that they had gotten over 30 shards of glass out of her bra and the front of her gown, with nary a scratch. Sort of gives new meaning to the phrase, "my cup runneth over."

[Nik-chick]

*LMAO*

The only way someone could top your stories is if the glass thing happened to THEM on stage (especially if they were male...the low-cut gown would be hard to explain). I wish I still had that picture of the fake MandoHack in the gown. =( My Angelfire or Tripod or whatever it was account got deleted because I forgot and used it to hold a picture of something I was selling on EBay and they considered that comertial use of the site.

[Dru Lee Parsec]

OK, I thought my gig from hell had won with the fact that I had to pay a cover charge to go back into the club to pick up our own money.

But then I read about the guy who had a woman die during their gig. You win dude!

Here's a story from a gig where I was a listener, not a player.

A buddy of mine, Jerry, was playing keyboards ina jazz band. His sax player couldn't make it so he found a kid in the college jazz band to fill in. This kid was great. I tell ya, that kid could sight read bug splatters on a windshield. He played his heart out and the whole band was doing great.

Not only was the kid reading Jerry's charts on sight, but the light on his music stand was flickering on and off. During the break Jerry was fixing the light on the music stand for him. As he's doing this an older woman (the phrase "little old lady" comes to mind) sat down in front of Jerry. Her chair was also right in front of the PA speaker. This conversation ensued:

Little Old Lady (LOL): Young man, do you play your music loudly?
Jerry: No ma'am. Not too loud.
LOL: Because I don't like loud music
Jerry [still trying to fix the light]: Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
LOL: Sometimes I go to see a band play and they play so loud that it just sounds like noise.
Jerry [getting a bit frustrated]: Well we don't play that loudly. But you might want to move away from the speaker if you think it would bother you.
LOL: As long as you don't play too loudly. I just don't understand why so many bands have to play so loud. You don't play that loud do you?

About this time Jerry has had about enough of this. His response was:

"Lady, you probably chew your food louder than we play. So why don't you move away from the damn speaker?"

She got up and left. We all had a great laugh. She's probably telling all her friends about "that rude electrician who was working on the lights".