Becoming Jaded

[Tim2723]

I just go an email from my partner saying we'd been booked for a wedding Sunday morning. The only question I asked was how to dress. When you stop caring who's getting married, does that mean you've been doing this too long?

[Markus]

Will that make a difference on your effort and attention to the performance? If not knowing leads to a lesser show ... well, that's a clear answer.

Perhaps, for you, it's an important part to playing a show that connects, leaves you with a content feeling about what you did. Maybe, after time, that detail is not required for you to give it your all and walk away content with your effort.

I do know that if you were thinking `Who cares who they are, they'll be divorced in 10 years anyway' then you'd have done it too long for sure.

[OldSausage]

There's always some dude getting married.

[Steve L]

I don't think the caterers know who's getting married. That doesn't mean they don't care about the quality of the food. If you care about the quality of what you do and do it as well as you can, I think you're still in the game.

[terzinator]

Well, if you do a lot of wedding gigs, you may or may not know the couple, right?

We've only done one, and it was my niece, so odds are I would ask who it was!

[mandocrucian]

When you stop caring who's getting married, does that mean you've been doing this too long?

Does the caterer care? The bartender? The people that rent the room? You are just part of a "service business".

I do know that if you were thinking `Who cares who they are, they'll be divorced in 10 years anyway' then you'd have done it too long for sure

No, it's absolutely irrelevant whether they stay together or split up. You are just a temporary hired hand there to provide some (probably background) music. It's just a "job"........i.e. "professional" musician.....play for pay. (And if you knew the couple, your partner would probably have mentioned it ......"Pugsley and Wednesday are getting married on Sunday....")

[Beanzy]

Just make sure you leave it a while after the wedding before pitching for the 'divorce party' gig.

[allenhopkins]

I provided some incidental music for a memorial service once, for the father of a friend of mine. Didn't know him well, but had some contact. The minister took me aside before the service and asked me what I knew of the person, then got up before the congregation/audience and worked the little information I'd given him into his talk. Clearly the minister knew nothing about the person, but you wouldn't have known from the talk he gave.

To many of us, the significant emotional and intimate ceremonial occasions of others' lives, are just "jobs." We get up and play our music, trying to be appropriate and sensitive and positive, and get complimented afterwards about how "our music really fit the occasion" or "we added just the right touch." Which may or may not be largely accidental, though I guess as experienced professionals we have enough skill to adapt to the circumstances.

Sometimes I meet with the bride and groom before a wedding, or the family before a memorial service, but often there's just a phone call or an e-mail. Tim, in a way it's a tribute to your craft, that you're trusted to provide music to a ceremony as important as a wedding, without having to be involved with the principals or included in the planning.

So, don't mess up!

[Laird]

Tim, in a way it's a tribute to your craft, that you're trusted to provide music to a ceremony as important as a wedding, without having to be involved with the principals or included in the planning.

Great perspective!

[Tim2723]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

I just got another message, and it turns out to be a 'Murphy's Wedding'. Never played one before. A few Murphy's Wakes in my time, but I never even knew there was such a thing! Could be fun.

[Ivan Kelsall]

Tim - It's not your task to ''care who's getting married'',it's your task to provide good music for 'whoever',in that same way that you'd do for any audience at a gig. Short answer - No,you're not getting jaded,
Ivan

[mandolirius]

Tim, in a way it's a tribute to your craft, that you're trusted to provide music to a ceremony as important as a wedding, without having to be involved with the principals or included in the planning.

I agree. I've actually had to do an audition for many of the weddings I've played. The exception was Jewish weddings. Hey, when you're the only klezmer band in town....

[Randi Gormley]

No, it just means that your band's reputation has extended far and wide because of its quality and the abilities of the musicians. At least, that's what I'd take from it.
I attend a lot of governmental meetings for communities I don't live in; as long as I can find something to entertain me, I figure I'm not jaded. If you still enjoy playing weddings, then you're not jaded. If it becomes a chore, then I'd worry.

[John Flynn]

No opinion, but I have a story: I have a good friend in St. Louis who is a flautist and her full-time business is playing weddings, sometimes solo, but mostly she puts together ensembles to meet whatever the bride wants. She does really well. I asked her what her best wedding story was.

So the bride throught it would be a great idea to give everyone in attendance a little box as they entered the church. Each box had a live butterfly inside. At a predetermined point in the wedding, everyone would be told to open their boxes and the butterflies would fly out. What bridezilla did not take into account was that it was a summer wedding in a church with no air conditioning. When everyone opened the boxes, all the butterflies were dead. Some guys there had already been drinking before the service. They thought the dead butterflies were hilarious. They started laughing and making the butterflies "fly" by holding them and moving them up and down, doing dogfights with them, etc. The bride started crying uncontrollably and they had to stop the service. The music ensemble was trying so hard not to laugh that they couldn't play. I love that story.

[bmac]

"When you stop caring who's getting married, does that mean you've been doing this too long? "

Nope... It means you are a profesional.

[tkdboyd]

As I have gotten older I have played more funerals than weddings, and most of the time I know the person or family of the deceased. It would be easier, if I didn't know the person/families; I believe there are many positives to not knowing the people involved.

[allenhopkins]

...So the bride throught it would be a great idea to give everyone in attendance a little box as they entered the church. Each box had a live butterfly inside...When everyone opened the boxes, all the butterflies were dead...The bride started crying uncontrollably and they had to stop the service. The music ensemble was trying so hard not to laugh that they couldn't play...

Similar story, from the old book The Eternal Bliss Machine, about "over-the-top" weddings: the people organizing a Jewish wedding thought it would be a nice touch if the chuppa were unfolded over the couple, and doves flew out. So six doves were stuffed up in the folds, where they suffocated. When the chuppa was opened, six dead birds fell out. Starting one's marriage off on the wrong foot, definitely.

[Steven Clarkson]

Glad you got the gig!!! I've only played one wedding - 2 hours of playing for around one thousand bucks - with 5 band members, that turned out to be around $100 a hour - not a lot of folks out there making that kind of money - and it's a blessing to the bride, groom, wedding party, and guests - it's a time you may not remember for the rest of your life, but they will. Hope it goes well.

[Hillsdale Leroy]

I ask myself this alot after playing guitar for 30 years. When I discuss it with my Dad who has been playing for 50 years. He say "You're only as good as your last gig" Sorry I don't have some more solid words of wisdom.

[Tim2723]

Thanks guys, but I think you missed my second post. I've found out that this is a fake wedding. It's just a sort of play put on before the Super Bowl. Should be a kick.