Nerves before lessons

**pinky57** · Jul-30-2009, 9:04pm

For the last couple of weeks, I have been having anxiety attacks starting a couple of days before my lessons. I pracice every night, yet right now, I seem to be getting worse instead of better. Last night, I couldn't even play a scale. I have been taking private lessons for a year and a half or so. These are the first music lessons of any kind i've ever had, I don't ever expect to play in public, I just want to entertain myself. So how do I relax and not be so terified that I can't learn anything?

**kidgloves2** · Jul-30-2009, 9:08pm

I teach guitar to young kids. I see them come in all the time with anxiety. I never understand why because I don't judge them like that. I'm sure your teacher isn't thinking less of you, so just relax a little. And tell the teacher about it, I'm sure they will have just the right thing to say.

Good Luck

**Bob Stolkin** · Jul-30-2009, 9:15pm

Just imagine that the teacher is naked.

**Chris Biorkman** · Jul-30-2009, 9:28pm

Drink a few beers before you go in. In all seriousness, you have to realize that music instructors deal with all ability levels. Some students are not that great, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. I would mention your anxiety to your teacher. It will probably help you to get it off your chest.

**jim_n_virginia** · Jul-30-2009, 9:45pm

just keep going and keep practicing and studying. And even if you never have plans to perform per say you should one day when your ready visit music jams. Find a good one with friendly people and just sit on the outskirts and chop for a while but mostly listen you would be surprised at what you learn jusr by being around the music.

But you are nervous because it is still new to you even though you have been going for a while. Just keep going or keep studying and as you get better your case of nerves with slowly get replaced with confidence!

good luck! Stick with it!

**Tim2723** · Jul-30-2009, 9:47pm

Yup, confidence will soon replace nerves. Keep at it!!

**Dan Johnson** · Jul-30-2009, 9:51pm

well... if your instructor is the only person you're playing for, you're depriving the world of your music for one and for two... that's your only performance!

I took lessons with a real heavy jazz dude here in Albany... and every week I had to pick my sorry ### up off the floor just to walk into the room with him... I was NEVER READY for my practice... And the one or two weeks I was ready, what did he do? He didn't even ask to hear the stuff I had worked on! The point is, like it says somewhere in the bible, Birds don't pack a lunch... In other words, there ain't no getting ready! You just show up. Sounds like you're on a good path. Have fun!

**Coffeecup** · Jul-31-2009, 12:08am

Pinky, you sound like I was a while back with guitar lessons. With the current mando lessons it isn't a problem.

Looking at it now it seems that the reason to be nervous is that you think you are likely to be judged unfavourably. Now if you've put a reasonable amount of practice in, which you say you have, if there is anything in your playing that doesn't meet the teacher's expectation it may indicate to him that his teaching hasn't been effective so he needs to do something more. His expectations may be less than yours anyway.

My suggestion with the scales is to not keep bashing away at them once the errors start increasing. A couple of nights back I was practicing some recently learned tunes, playing along with a midi, and got worse and worse. In frustration I gave it up and instead tried playing a harmony against the midi which actually wasn't so bad. Went back to the tune afterwards and it was fine. The brain just needs to get out of the rut sometimes, or if you're tired or had a bad day it might be better not to do anything.

**GTG** · Jul-31-2009, 12:15am

Do you have a webcam or video camera? I've found that recording myself is surprisingly scary, almost as nerve-wracking as performing onstage. Try recording a few vids of yourself. You'll get the hang of it and relax quickly enough, and I'm guessing that it will help your confidence around your instructor.

**allenhopkins** · Jul-31-2009, 12:27am

If you have a propensity for anxiety, you can develop a syndrome in which certain situations stimulate your "fight or flight" reflex, release unwanted adrenaline, and incapacitate you -- you get shaky, fearful, lose coordination, may have shortness of breath, racing heart, etc. This is an "anxiety attack" or "panic attack." Even anticipation of the anxiety-producing situations -- looking ahead to the next lesson -- can bring on these symptoms. My wife gets anxiety attacks if the temperature gets too high; nothing rational about it, no "talking her out of it," and it does no good to counsel repeated exposure to high temperatures as a way of "working through it."

This type of anxiety needs to be verified by a medical evaluation. Stress produces anxiety symptoms in most of us; severe, incapacitating anxiety can be controlled by therapy and medication, as well as by avoiding the situations that bring it on.

If you're just a bit nervous anticipating criticism, or inability to perform properly, at your mandolin lesson, then the advice to "keep at it," improve your skills, and gradually win more confidence, is sound. If your instructor isn't supportive and sensitive to your nervousness, perhaps a change of teacher is indicated. If what you have is a real anxiety syndrome, brought on by the stress of being evaluated by your instructor, a medical visit could be in order.

You're learning mandolin as recreation, to "entertain yourself" as you put it. Nothing entertaining or recreational about getting the collywobbles before, during and after each lesson. So I can't entirely agree with the "rub some dirt on it and get back in the game" approach that others advocate. If you keep at it, and things don't get better, but possibly get worse, perhaps another entertaining, recreational, non-stressful pursuit might suit you better. I wouldn't suggest skydiving, though.

**mandolirius** · Jul-31-2009, 2:06am

Originally Posted by pinky57

For the last couple of weeks, I have been having anxiety attacks starting a couple of days before my lessons. I pracice every night, yet right now, I seem to be getting worse instead of better. Last night, I couldn't even play a scale. I have been taking private lessons for a year and a half or so. These are the first music lessons of any kind i've ever had, I don't ever expect to play in public, I just want to entertain myself. So how do I relax and not be so terified that I can't learn anything?

I do a lot of teaching and I run into this kind of thing on a regular basis. First off, a lesson is somewhat of a performance situation, so a little bit of nervousness is natural. Definitely talk about it with your teacher. It will help to get it out in the open and he/she may have some good insights. Remember that your teacher WANTS you to succeed and is one hundred percent on your side, so you have the ultimate in friendly audiences.

As for your practising seeming to go backwards, that happens sometimes. Just stop, take a break for a couple of days, listen to music instead of playing it and you'll get the itch again. Then get back at it and see what happens. But before you do, take a moment and realize that playing music is a gift and a beautiful expression of joy. Best of luck!

**Rob Gerety** · Jul-31-2009, 6:11am

I can relate to this completely. Very good advice here. All of it. My experience has been that the anxiety issue gradually fades away if you keep at it and fight through the anxiety. Bad anxiety turns into heightened senses and improved performance over time and with experience. Hang in there. Its worth it.

**Ryk** · Jul-31-2009, 6:29am

Lots of great advice in previous posts. All i can add is the suggestion of playing in front of other folks. We're not talking taking the stage here. Have your mandolin out if friends come over. They'll ask about it ... then take a deep relaxing breath and you can play something you feel as though you have nailed. The more you do it .. the easier it gets.

Have fun!

Ryk

**acousticnotes** · Jul-31-2009, 9:14am

Ego....get rid of it. What I mean is it's about the music NOT you. Your making it about yourself. Think about it that way. I know it's easier said than done but that's the truth. So you go to your lesson and screw up. No big deal. Stop judging yourself life is to short. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Joe

**Tim Bowen** · Aug-01-2009, 3:45am

Hey, it's normal. If you're a little nervous, that means you care about what you do (and you've probably done your homework), and teachers dig that. It's the guy that comes in looking like he just fell out of bed that hasn't done the assigned work that teachers groan about.

With youngsters, I'll say right off the bat, "We're striving to do our best here, but don't sweat making mistakes in this studio. If you didn't make mistakes, you wouldn't be human, and you wouldn't need my help. Just do the best you can, work on what I assign, and don't take it personally if I make suggestions here and there, okay? The only way you're gonna let me down is by letting yourself down, and that's by being lazy. Now, let's have some fun!"

Oddly, adult students often admit to being exceedingly nervous in lesson settings. I've taught doctors, dentists, lawyers, a former NFL star, and professionals of nearly every imaginable variety. Often, these folks will wig because they've taken their chosen profession to the nth degree, and it bugs them when their hobby doesn't fall quite so naturally for them. What I say to these folks is, "Hey, we're not so far apart, other than for the fact that I've lived, ate, slept, and breathed this stuff since 1967. While you were developing that law, medical, or sports career, I was putting in countless hours and expending countless bucks toward education in this field, same as you. It would only make sense in this regard that what we're working on here might fall a little more naturally for me. If I were an intern or apprentice in your field of expertise, I'd likely feel the same as you. I've done about 3,000 gigs since the 70's, but regardless of whether I'm playing for 12 or 12,000, I still get a bit goofy in the gut before a show. When I play at home in the comfort of my fave pajamas, it's easy to think, 'Yeah baby, I'm the man!', and then get to the job and come up a bit short. So you come into my studio, and you want to do your very best, and you feel the same way. You've never heard any of your favorite professional musicians play an entire show without tossing out the occasional clam, ever. One of the signature attributes of a pro is that a pro has been bitten so many times on so many different levels that they've learned how to quickly jump off of a hiccup and turn it into a piece of art. The only thing you should sweat in my studio is laziness. Now, let's have some fun!"

If it's any consolation, teachers can get a bit wiggy at times as well. If you peruse the general complexion of students' opinions as to their interactions with teachers across the net, there's a certain and very real degree of disenchantment there. To be fair, the teaching/learning environment is a shared endeavor. The teacher that "phones it in" is no better than the lazy or unmotivated student, and is probably worse. I've been teaching professionally since 1984, and I've always strived to not be "one of those guys". I transcribe relentlessly (from Memphis Minnie to Miles Davis), and spend a great deal of my time thinking about and preparing lesson plans for clients that actually do the work. Nonetheless, I have my own work to do as well. With 30-35 weekly students, my own ongoing repertoire, and gig and session commitments, it's a lot of work, not that I mind it. Some of my intermediate + students that study with me for an hour per week are musical sponges. They "get it" and they work hard. They keep me on my toes as to queries regarding harmony & theory, technique, and whatnot. If I've been out of town for gigs all weekend, I'm going to do a quick study before hooking up with an ambitious client for a Monday afternoon session. That said, a new transcription or concept that I'm presenting is likely to have less chicken grease on it than will a tune that I've played several times on the bandstand. I've been known to say, "We'll be learning this bit together.", which, from a psychological standpoint, students seem to dig. It has to work both ways.

**AlanN** · Aug-01-2009, 4:03am

Cool post.

I haven't 'taken a lesson' in 30+ years, but I might here, or at least want to pick a few tunes (or maybe have a beer summit

)

**MandoJam** · Aug-01-2009, 4:48pm

Man, you must have a hard-### teacher. I once had a teacher who back handed me across the face every time I played a wrong note! No--Seriously, I am a teacher and see anxiety all the time and we realize that students will not play everything as perfectly as they do when they are in their own comfortable surroundings. I have had students with me for over a year who still claim they play much better at home than at their lesson. You are not alone. Just try to relax a bit.

**Jim** · Aug-01-2009, 5:37pm

Pehaps a different learning path might be the one for you, Group lessons where you are with several other students of coparable ability might be helpful. Playing music with others either in a jam or lesson situation can be relaxing and enjoyable. Or there are lots of great lessons on Youtube a place where nobody has any expectations of you. If this is making you so anxious that you are not having fun with it then a change in aproach is indicated. Finally anti anxiety drugs if needed are a wonderful thing. After all it's a mandolin lesson and not worth 2 days of worry!
A question : Do you ever play a song for fun, not for practice? If you don't then start. It's FUN.

**Marty Henrickson** · Aug-01-2009, 11:13pm

Tim, good post. Makes me want to go back to lessons again, but there's just not time in the day right now.

To the original poster, I had the same problem, though not to the degree you describe. I would get nervous because I wanted to improve so badly, and I also wanted to impress my teacher with how much I loved the music. I would often stay "tight" until we had our usual casual jam at the end of the session. Just relax, and remember what Joe said, it's about the music, not about you.

**Stephanie Reiser** · Aug-02-2009, 6:32am

The only mandolin lessons I have taken were from Mike Marshall, and I was nervous indeed.
Last year I took some singing lessons, and sang my best in the instructor's studio, but now I am taking fiddle lessons and I play my worst in front of her. Not nervous, though, just play awful.
I think a good teacher will notice your anxiety and try to loosen you up with humor, or whatever technique they may choose.

**whistler** · Aug-02-2009, 8:33am

Originally Posted by Bob Stolkin

Just imagine that the teacher is naked.

Not sure that would work. Straying fully-clothed onto a nudist beach can be almost as embarassing as being naked among a crowd of clothed people.

Anxiety is unfortunately not something that can be cured with reason. But it might help to keep a few things in mind, which might curb its onset, or alleviate it when it sets in:

1. Your teacher doesn't expect you to play perfectly every time - that's why you are having lessons

2. The fact that you can't hear improvement in your playing (or feel as if you're getting worse) doesn't necessarily mean there is no improvement. In a state of anxiety, your heightened perception probably accentuates all the flaws in your playing.

3. Your teacher has probably experienced similar anxiety over their playing at some point and might be able to offer advice on how to deal with it.

**whistler** · Aug-02-2009, 8:38am

...In a way, it is to your advantage that you are not playing your best in front of your teacher. They are there to help you iron out the kinks in your playing, so if you were always at your best in lessons, then they'd never get to hear the bits that you get wrong out of lessons. If you make every mistake it is possible to make, then they can see all your weaknesses straight away and set about helping you improve.

**Rob Gerety** · Aug-02-2009, 8:40am

The more you do it the less nervous you get.

**f#54** · Aug-02-2009, 10:00am

Make friends with your teacher if possible, Then look forward to seeing them instead of dreading the lesson. Tell jokes or just talk beforehand. A good teacher can ease a lot of this anxiety. Record yourself playing and listen back to it. I bet you sound better than you think.

**Pete Martin** · Aug-02-2009, 10:21am

I would definitely talk to your teacher about it. If you feel that teacher is putting pressure on you to perform, tell them.

As a full time private lesson teacher, I have seen this quite a bit. I tell people the lesson is not a performance and to have fun. Joke with them, give them encouragement, etc. I can usually tell what is learned correctly and what is a nerves mistake at the time. My guess is your teacher can too.

I know if I was the student, I would be nervous. It is a natural human reaction. Don't dwell on it and you'll have a lot more fun.