Breakdown in communications - oddball response - am I nuts?

[roberto]

Brown mandolin? sure!! the one with 8 strings!!

[Stephen Perry]

In my previous life in a high-stress career I took a course in Street Survival for law enforcement officers. The take awAy from the course, which changed my life and perspective was when the instructor asked for a show of hands to anyone who ever read the law that the phone is more important than life, family, personal well-being? It made sense and since then my life has had exponentially less intrusions. If it's important they'll call back. If it's an emergency there are doctors and nurses to help. I haven't ignored all that's important, I've just learned what's important. Works for me. Try not answering your phone. Or like the instructor told us - if you answer the phone and accept the stress, ask whether it's all worth dying over?

How about I don't answer the phone, there's an emergency hearing the next day, someone's life is severely impacted because I'm not there, and I end up on the wrong end of a malpractice suit? THAT'S why I answer the phone!!!

[AlanN]

Let the call go to VM. If critical, they will leave a message; if not, they won't. Works for me.

[Astro]

How about I don't answer the phone, there's an emergency hearing the next day, someone's life is severely impacted because I'm not there, and I end up on the wrong end of a malpractice suit? THAT'S why I answer the phone!!!

Thats why you have an answering machine. If they dont leave a message, its not important. If they do, you pick and choose if/when to return the call. You wont be as likely to loose your temper if you waited until you were in the mood. Its funny in this day and age of being "over connected" its easier than ever to mis-communicate and under communicate. I hated the answering machine and refused it for years. Very frustrating when you can no longer make a call and expect that someone will answer the phone. Phone tag escalates to rediculous extremes at times. But with so many telemarketers and fake calls coming in per day, the good old answering machine is a necessity. Even on my mobile. If its a number I dont recognize, I dont answer. Most never leave a message and that means it was junk. Another benefet for professionals like yourself is that leaving a message means you have documentation of their name, number, time of call and subject matter for your records. Finally, sounds like you are stressed with the constant unnatural demands of modern life. Most of us are. You deserve to be disconnected and recharge from time to time.

[Gary Hedrick]

Let the call go to VM. If critical, they will leave a message; if not, they won't. Works for me.

In my world that is what I do.....I get all sorts of calls even though I am on the Federal Do Not Call list.....now as a lawyer I guess the deal would change but as an engineer....Naw...it can wait and you leave a message.

Oh one other item.....running this web site? What a circus that must be!!! Like that Joni Mitchell song Free Man in Paris.....everyone owns a piece of me....

[Bertram Henze]

It's a capacity problem. Sometimes we just can't take any more nonsense. The knack lies in sensing your own limit in advance and take precautions, rather than freaking out to your own astonishment.

I found it helpful to deal with cryptic non-sequitur questions ("would you rather or walk there?") with cool matching answers, like "No, that's the wrong question" or the classic "42", and I have successfully driven my own mother close to apoplectic attacks with that when I was a kid. It's great fun:

caller: when is that instrument ready, you know which, the brown one?
you: no.
caller: what?
you: I don't know what either
...

You don't even have to listen to the caller while doing this: just put the receiver on the table and say something random every now and then, meanwhile doing what you intended to do (works great on callcenter agents). Delegation is what matters: leave the hanging-up to the caller.

You are not helplessly exposed. The world is not full of communication threats - it's full of your victims.

[FLATROCK HILL]

You are not helplessly exposed. The world is not full of communication threats - it's full of your victims.

Besides the unwanted phone calls, we get mountains of unwanted junk mail. When my daughter was a bit younger, we'd spend 'quality-time' together cutting out silly magazine ads etc and sending them back in the postage-paid envelopes.

[Austin Bob]

My job requires that I'm on call 24/7. On top of that, my customers can call from anywhere in the world, and some seem oblivious to time zones.

Try getting woken up at 2:30 AM on a Tuesday because some guy in India can't find the right phone number to call, for an issue that was clearly not an emergency.

I always tell myself that this does not happen often and that I can't control how other people act. Finally, I remind myself that if it weren't for customers and bosses, that I'd have a great job.

[Jeff Mando]

Finally, I remind myself that if it weren't for customers and bosses, that I'd have a great job.

Ain't that the truth!

[Al Trujillo]

How about I don't answer the phone, there's an emergency hearing the next day, someone's life is severely impacted because I'm not there, and I end up on the wrong end of a malpractice suit? THAT'S why I answer the phone!!!

Any thoughts to hiring an answering service who filters your calls after hours? That works pretty well for my family doctor. Like I used to tell my employees - we can play 'what if' all day, the bottom line is your mental well-being. You do what you do to make it right with yourself and your profession.

[Jeff Mando]

How about I don't answer the phone, there's an emergency hearing the next day, someone's life is severely impacted because I'm not there, and I end up on the wrong end of a malpractice suit? THAT'S why I answer the phone!!!

All responses relate to getting rid of the phone or filtering your calls. There is the answer. Sounds like that is not possible or not something you want to do. Seems like a lot of pressure to take on, IMHO.

In an earlier life, I enjoyed photography and tried my luck at being a wedding photographer -- I quickly found out I wasn't comfortable being responsible for someone's lifetime memories and the pressure involved.

[George R. Lane]

Jeff,
I spent 30 years as a newspaper photographer and part time wedding photog, you are right way too much drama in that line. As someone posted earlier my mantra was 'This would be a great job if I didn't have to deal with people".

[Randi Gormley]

Sympathies from me as well -- as a newspaper reporter and now editor, I cannot be off line. And an unfamiliar number on my phone may just be a freelancer or a source with something that really won't wait. Even when I was getting scores of harassing calls and death threats, I still had to answer the phone just in case it was a legit breaking news call. My only concession was turning off the phone after midnight.

We also get the calls that expect us to be omniscient: "did you get my fax? did you get my email?" -- and they get unreasonably annoyed when we ask them to describe what was on the fax, which email it might be. Our (11-paper) chain has a single "tips" line for people to call in complaints or breaking news, and everyone imagines it's their local paper they're messaging: "why didn't you guys cover that accident on Washington Street? Morons" kind of thing. Do you know how many Washington streets there are in southern Connecticut?

So, yeah, you aren't crazy. Sometimes you have to hang up when it looks like the call isn't going to work. It does usually sort itself out later if it needs to be.

[sblock]

I realize that it's hard for you, but perhaps -- in retrospect, now -- you can see the humor in a guy that's so danged clueless that he calls up on a weekend to find out if you received a "brown" mandolin! People like that are just not worth getting wound up about. Everyone who has worked in a retail or service business eventually comes across someone like this, I'm afraid. Just laugh it off, would be my recommendation.

In all fairness, though, if you choose to use a single telephone line for both business and pleasure, it is not totally unreasonable to expect you to receive telephone calls on the weekend. In my opinion, that part of your story is not someone being rude. Many business folks transact business on the weekends, in fact, and that includes our local music store here, which deals in both instrument repairs and mandolins. I have no hesitation to call them up on a weekend, and they are open for business. Yes, you are perfectly free to choose to take your weekends off, but you would need to communicate that your customers, and you would need to either screen calls or to use voice mail on the weekends, because people WILL call you otherwise. That is not unreasonable behavior. Asking about a "brown" mandolin without an introduction, however, is unreasonable. And it also seems pretty funny to me, although it obviously was not so funny to you when it happened.

[mandowilli]

And then there are those people who knock on my door...brutal.

[Astro]

And then there are those people who knock on my door...brutal.

Those I can bury out back....

[Stephen Perry]

I suppose I grew up without answering machines, and with ALWAYS answering the phone. And being polite regardless. I'll have to get in the swing of being a real American and letting things roll over to a machine. Seems so impersonal. Having one line is a compromise, indeed, but having more simply costs money unnecessarily. Not answering has other people getting the work or worse.

I suppose I'll muddle through somehow. Thanks for the comments.

At least it's nothing like trying to manage engineering projects.

[AlanN]

At least it's nothing like trying to manage engineering projects.

...or tuning a mandolin

[Timbofood]

"Ring,ring"
"Hello, xyz jewelers"
"How much will it cost to repair my watch?"
"Hold it up to the phone and let me have a look!"

Yeah, I get the feeling Steve. People assume everything and rarely think,what it's like from the other side.
I've had a lot of crazy clients call with "under informed" ideas about how long something might take or expecting a magical materialization of something I had designed two days before when I had clearly told them it would be two weeks!
"Life get tedious, don't it"
I miss Doc Watson.

[Rob Meldrum]

Darn spell checker. Not "payout," but "patoot."

[Mandoplumb]

Don't have a smart phone, have an antique that just is a phone but it has an ignore button that I use frequently. I'm old enough to remember when most people used good telephone manners. Yes there used to be such a thing, no longer so one can expect rudeness so if I'm not in the mood and don't know who it is calling( yes my antique does tell me that) I just press ignore. They can leave a message or they can live without talking to me. Not trying to be a jerk but life is too short to get worked up over some inconsiderate person

[Doug Edwards]

I feel your pain brother. It's too easy to get overwhelmed and lose it from time to time. I'm regularly behind and sometimes quite unorganized. I'll have several different projects going at once and a long backlog waiting. I'll get a phone call from someone with new business that wants it NOW!

My problem is I have a hard time saying no, cause I think I may somehow work it in. Long story short, we both get disappointed and I get stressed like you. When I'm stressed I freeze up. You sound like me with too many irons in the fire.
I used to be pretty good at multi-tasking, today not so much. I did see a book entitled "Single Tasking" on Amazon.
Life's too short to go around stressed out. Turn off the phone!! Maybe get another number for your law business.

I kid you not, I had a customer call and get mad at me because I would not take time to discuss his request. He called me as I was leaving the cemetery from my Dad's funeral. I told him that was what I was doing, but it didn't matter to him. My fault, I answered the stupid phone.

Don't let stress turn you into someone you do not want to be. My business is more of an expensive hobby. I'm reminded every year when I do taxes. I'm seriously considering shutting down for a while to catch up and travel some with my bride.

[Bertram Henze]

Proving that everybody know the problem you might have even without a phone:

[Folkmusician.com]

Stephen,

Some days, weeks, months or YEARS, just seem overwhelming. It happens to us all, but a business owner is at much higher risk. It is ironic that many Introverts go into business to avoid people and ultimately put themselves in a situation where they must interact.

Many of us can related to the stress of running a business or multiple businesses where everything ultimately falls on us.
I am also an introvert. I can interact with people and I am generally well liked, but given the choice, I prefer not to go out in public. It drains me and I need time alone to recover. So here we are in jobs that deal directly with the public! I always weigh this against the alternatives. In the end, if I didn’t like what I do, I would change occupations. I am sure it is the same for you. The good far outweighs the bad.

As for the whole phone thing. Every time I answer the phone, I am friendly. I don’t care how my day is going or what problem I was just dealing with. The person on the other end is my friend, until they prove otherwise. I feel very strongly about this and live by it. I also answer and or return phone calls 7 days a week at all hours (if I am in a position to do so). I know this part is not normal and not even healthy, but it is the way I conduct business. In fact, on Thanksgiving day, we were driving down highway 1. I had my wife drive while I brought out the laptop, put my cell phone live and received calls. I took an order just before we pulled into our hotel. If customers want to talk to me on Thanksgiving and I am free, I am cool with it.

In your particular situation, I personally wouldn’t have been upset. I have no problem taking calls on Sunday morning and I would more likely be amused about the “brown” mandolin than upset. I am not saying the customer is right, just that It would bother me.

I know you mentioned that you didn’t want to add another line, but I can see an ongoing problem having just one line for everything. My cell phone acts as an extension of our business phone system (which has 4 lines). This setup was almost life changing for me!

[Stephen Perry]

I'm normally not befuddled. Even with abusive clients. I suppose I don't react well to something that looks like a game. This evening I was an intermediary between a long-winded and partially deaf Texan oil man and a nice old lady who didn't understand a letter and proposed contract. Interesting translating!

I don't really know what an introvert is. I ended up living in the middle of nowhere and mostly working on my own. But I used to live in a suburb of Cairo. There are people there, lots of, and I was fine with that, too. I drive without the radio on. I don't generally have anything but quiet.

It's reassuring that there are others who answer the phone.

I'm considering rescaling my businesses a great deal. Becky is moving into other things where she will be bringing money in. And I could back off from the difficult task of actually getting paid.