Gigs from below!

[AeroJoe]

I got conned into doing this gig at a "yatch club" on the NC coast...I was promised good pay, a grand dinner including lobster, a private room for my wife and I with a waterbed and ocean-front view...

The private room turned out to be sleeping bag on the floor of a 1960's era mobile home in a trailer park. The only view of the ocean was a picture on the wall---the same one that was on the family room wall of "The Jefferson's" TV show...

Next day we get up to go to this "yatch club"...we drove for miles down parallel with the intra-coastal waterway. Right up to a BP Service Station-Convenient store there on the docks, for boats to come in and fill up with fuel and snacks. This was the "yatch club". Ashby Frank was playing mandolin that day, some of you may know who he is...

We were all ticked off a little at the guitar player that got us this gig. Things were not happening the way they were explained or previously described. Our "lobster" dinner was grilled hamburgers ...then after about an hour, one real yatch did happen to come chugging up the waterway for a re-fuel...and every woman on it was topless and wearing a thong...

Suddenly, this gig was not so bad after all...and the look on the then 12-year old Ashby, I'll never forget it...

We made sure we got booked again for the following year.



Another time, back in the '70's, we were playing in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I was only 12, and like Ashby in the above story, I was the kid in the band. I happened to be playing b***o. I must have been coming along on it, I was paid AHEAD of time, before I even got it out of the case! The gig was a private party at a residence in a newer housing developement. As we played the first set complete with a primitive sound system (on loan from The Pickin' Post in downtown Jonesboro,) this City Of Jonesboro garbage truck kept lumbering up the road. It went by, LOUDLY, at least twice during our first set. After we took a break, I noticed some kids my age playing Evel Kneivel in the street on their bikes...they had a pretty high and well-made bike ramp and were lining up hotwheels cars in a row to see how many they could jump over. Come to find out, I knew two of the kids from school. One guy, Kevin Jones, happened to have a bag of Black Cat Bottle Rockets with him, a full gross (144)... Here comes that darn garbage truck slowly up the street again. Kevin said "Hey! Let's opening the whole thing (the bottle rockets) and line them up here on the ramp and attack that truck when it comes by!". So, as the truck went slowly around us, we laid out those rockets on the ramp... and as the truck pulled back in front of us, we lit every fuse with two butane lighters...

...It was like a scene from "Star Wars", rockets swooshing, firing and exploding, dozens at the time, in the back area of that garbage truck where it mashes the garbage...I'm not sure what the two black guys in the truck thought was happening, but the driver immediately jumped out of the truck and went to running and hollering up the street...the guy in the passenger side tried to control the truck, then he gave up after more explosions, and jumped out of his side and went running, screaming after the driver...

I laughed so hard, my knees buckled and I could not run and I had tears pouring out of my eyes...I cannot remember laughing /so hard/ at anything before or since...

[mrmando]

Well, I've had a few gigs where only a couple of people showed up, but nothing else really went wrong. It's just discouraging to perform when there's as many people on stage as in the audience.

Once I was playing a Christmas concert with the Seattle Mandolin Orchestra at a public library. The fire alarm went off just after we started "Feliz Navidad." We had to stop playing and evacuate along with our instruments.

[earthsave]

This aint as bad as those above but our band leader, the guy with the truck and in charge of the sound equipment, used to invariably leave some essential piece of it at home when we would play at this bar about 45-60 minutes away.

One time he forgot the power supply to the tube amp, but we managed to play without it ok, another time he forgot the power cable, but luckily these days those are a dime a dozen and we located one in the back room from a monitor.

We use a single mic (AT 4033), and the worst time was when we had everything setup but when we went got to the part where we plug the mic in we couldnt find the little wooden box. We ended up flipping the shock mount up vertically and dangling an SM57 type mic in the center of the shock mount. Needless to say, we didnt get heard over the bar noise. Thank goodness for free beer.

[Dennis Gordon]

The missing P.A. equipment reminded me of a gig about 10 years back:

I used to lead the band at the Dry Gulch Dinner Theatre outside of Chicago. It was your touristy western revue; showgirls, unlimited beer; food you ate with your fingers. It was a "country" gig, but we rocked pretty hard.

We used to do the occasional outside gig. One summer we got booked at the Countryside, IL town fair. We were told that everything we'd need would be there for us. When the 5 band members and 5 showgirls arrived, the organizers were surprised to see that we were a musical/comedy revue. They had expected some sort of wild west cowboy novelty act that was going to stage mock gunfights and twirl lariats. They were totally unprepared for a live band, singers and dancers. They had no P.A. at all, and we were an electric band. One of the organizers assured us that the local high school band was coming next, and he was "pretty sure" that their director was carrying a P.A. We waited a bit, and the band showed up. Asked if he was carrying a P.A., the director said "sure" and opened the trunk of his car to reveal a single hand mic and an old Shure amp and speaker that must have been 20 years old... just perfect for making announcements at the basketball game, and little else.

With showtime approaching, we had no choice but to wing it acoustically. We kicked it with "Big Night in Dry Gulch", a rewrite of "Big Ball's in Cowtown" followed by some Judds' , some other current country, Orange Blossom Special etc. We had our amps, so the instruments could be heard, but we had to drop *way* down every time there was a vocal. The crowd of about 200 kept gathering in tighter and tighter so that they could hear. They were real nice and appreciative of the music. The girls were working overtime selling their dancing and vocalizing, and we did our best to let them be heard. We pulled it off pretty good; got lots of applause and nice comments afterwards. But one comment made the day. A nice old guy came up and told us how wonderful we were. Then he hesitated and said "If you don't mind, I do have one suggestion...Have you ever considered using microphones? You know people could hear you a lot better if you did." We looked at each other with amazement. "Microphones? What a great idea. We'll have to give it a try. Thanks mister!" We'd never mentioned the P.A. problem, troupers that we were. They must've thought we were a buncha rubes or somethin'.

[mrbook]

We played one gig where a woman in the audience died. It wasn't our fault; she had been ill, and her doctor told her it might be her last day, so she chose to spend it at this bar that I would never go in unless they paid me to play there. After they took her out, the guy running the show urged us to keep playing to get everyone's spirits up. Everytime he turned his back, someone else would leave, and after an hour or so the place cleared out so we could go home.

I never told my wife - she asked how it went when I got home, and I said, "We killed them."

[Nik-chick]

Dennis: What's a "rube"

mrbook: *LOL* I mean, not a funny story, but good line.

[Jaws]

Most people in the band I'm in play more than one instrument when we play, so in one break between songs when everyone was switching instruments (except me), I decided to try out a banjo-player joke. I know a bunch of them by heart but, of course, the first thing out of my mouth is "what's the difference between a bajo and a fiddle..." at which point I think, "oh wait, that's not the joke," only I manage to say that thought right into the mike... said it out loud. Younger part of the crowd (friends and the like) oooohed me out in a very 'oh, that's bad, joke's on you!' kind and taunting manner, and I don't think I could have gone any redder.

[Dagger Gordon]

Wouldn't say it was a nightmare - hilarious actually - but one of my more unusual gigs was when we played a joint twenty-first birthday party for a couple of young guys.

All of the relations were there, mothers, grannies aunts etc, plus all their pals. Things went fine the first half and we took a break, at which point a girl and her minder came and asked if they could play a CD through our PA while she did her act.

She turned out to be a stripper. The 2 young birthday boys had to sit beside each other in front of the stage while she took off her top and shoved a t*t in each of their faces! The poor guys had no idea how to react, what with granny etc all watching.

That's not all however. An older brother got somewhat drunkenly up on the stage to ask the crowd to give 3 cheers for the band. He had hardly finished when he was set upon by a bunch of guys and seconds later was staggering butt naked around the hall before his mother whisked him off into a side room.

[jimbob]

Back in about 1989, the group of pickers I played with was asked to provide the entertainment at the grand opening of a miny-mart just outside of Corpus Christi, TX. We agreed when the owner of the new store told us he would buy the beer ! Corpus Christi didn't used to be a BG hot spot...but we didn't care...free beer and an excuse to pick...so we set up on the front porch of the miny-mart... just in time to judge the Holloween costume contest. Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles were very popular that year, so we all agreed on the one we liked the best and began the business of pickin' a little BG for the folks. Not long into our first set, a very "happy" Hispanic gentleman walked up to our mandolin player and aksed if we knew " Ju-Pita". We said no and continued on with the set. After two or three more brews, the same guys walked up again and asked for "Ju-Pita". Again , we offered to play something else, but he wouldn't hear of. In fact, he was very insistant that we played "Ju-Pita". Our mandolin player, trying to be diplomatic, asked the guy if he could sing a little of the song for us and maybe we would recognize it by another name. The guy broke into a big smile and said, " Sure...it goes like this...Ju-Pita a fine time to leave me, Lucille..."
We didn't stay long after that...

[Rich]

Paid gig about 3 months ago. We were told to set up in the lobby. They had a fancy dinner in the other room and we played, but the audience stayed in the dinner room the entire evening while we played to an empty room. They even had a stereo going in the dinner room. Not a soul- I mean no one- came into the lobby to hear us. It was a benefit for a bluegrass radio station too! We messed around most of the night, considered it a practice and still got paid..

[BenE]

Rich...We had a very similiar experience not too long ago. We played in a lobby while everyone ate in a dinner room. Very strange gig indeed! When they came out they invited us to take a break and eat dinner. So they really didn't see us perform for more than 30 minutes or so. But, the dinner was great....they paid us and gave us a tip! What more can you ask for as a performer?

I'll never forget the one time at a corporate party that a lady came up to us and asked if we knew any "good" songs?
I told her all we knew were good songs and introduced the rest of the songs of the set by saying....."Folks, here is another good song by__"

Yeah...I know I was being a butthead and should of stayed cool but.......I didn't

[Rroyd]

I'm reminded of playing one hot summer evening when an elderly gentleman collapsed on the dance floor. #His wife, figuring that his bad heart had failed, began screaming. #The manager of the club ran up to the bandstand and told us to keep playing, but louder, in the hopes that we would drown out her panic-stricken cries and the crowd wouldn't realize anything was wrong, since it was his biggest night of the year and he certainly didn't want to have something like somebody dying on the dance floor to dampen the festivities. #When the ambulance crew arrived they had to argue with him about having us continue to play, as they couldn't check his vital signs with a band blowing the walls down 30 feet away. #It turned out the heat and excess alcohol had caused him to pass out, and he was back on the dance floor in an hour or so.
# #Then there was the night we were playing for a corporate Christmas party, and someone drove by the country club and put a bullet through the window. #(Probably some disgruntled employee) #The bullet shattered a window about two feet above the floor and lodged in the wall on the opposite side of the room, passing through about 30 couples on the dance floor. #The crowd all ran over to the window and looked outside, while we hunkered down behind the pa speakers. #The only consequence was a rather large lady with a lowcut gown who was sitting near the window had to go in the restroom and shake out the broken glass. #
# # Then one night we were being harassed by three drunk cowboys, who knew every one of Garth Brooks' hits, and knew that they were better than we were. #They kept marching up on stage, demanding that we let them play. #Finally I moved the portable steps that led up to the 3-foot-high bandstand about four feet away from the stage. #That time they marched up the steps, stared at the four foot gap between them and the stage, turned around and went back down and never bothered us again.
We used to do "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain", and our bass player would lip sync it, while I sang it, practicing my ventriloquism skills. (Elks club nights can sometimes get awfully long, so we came up with interesting ways to keep from getting bored.) Right in the middle of the song one of the club employees came up to the bandstand, needing to talk to me about something, then became somewhat annoyed when I didn't respond immediately. I thought everyone on the bandstand was going to die laughing when he finally left.

[Nik-chick]

Rroyd: I've heard of t**s and a**; I reckon that lady in your second story had t**s and glass.

[John Rosett]

i played in a bluegrass band in kansas city in the 80's, and our bass player got us a gig on a thursday night at a bar about 40 miles out of town. when we walked in, there was disco music blaring, and about half a dozen strippers dancing on the stage. there were about 20 farmers drinking and watching the strippers.
when it came time for us to set up, the strippers left, and so did all the customers. so we played four sets to an almost empty house. even though the bass player had booked the gig, the owner decided that i was the one he was going to talk to. he would march up to the stage,and pull on my pants leg and say something like, "don't you boys do any belly-rubbers". i finally got tired of it and asked him if he would like to have my boot in his mouth. that got him to stop, but the bass player was mad at me because i'd ruined our chances of getting asked back...
i should add that earlier in the day, i had met emmylou harris' steel player and he had given me a backstage pass to her show that night....
i got a million of 'em! john

[Rroyd]

I forgot the best one. # Some friends of mine who had a Bluegrass band were hired to play in a large metropolitan club that had always featured R&R. #Each week the crowds grew smaller, but the owner seemed thrilled and kept hiring them for the following weekend. #The band found out what was going on one night when the guitar player was seated in a restroom stall, and overheard two other occupants complaining that their drug sales were "way off" and this band was driving off all their customers, so they were going to have to set up shop at some other club with music more to their clientele's liking. #After a few more weeks, the "Bluegrass cleansing" was complete, and the club owner thanked them for a job well done, although he never came clean as to his real reason for hiring them.

[Nik-chick]

Rroyd: *L* That's actually kinda cool. If the word had just gotten out and brought the right crowd IN. I almost didn't get it, because I read R&R as Rhonda and the Rage instead of Rock and Roll at first!

[Rroyd]

Nik-Chick,
Your humorous comment was right on the mark. I recall her friends marvelling at the fact that they had gotten over 30 shards of glass out of her bra and the front of her gown, with nary a scratch. Sort of gives new meaning to the phrase, "my cup runneth over."

[Nik-chick]

*LMAO*

The only way someone could top your stories is if the glass thing happened to THEM on stage (especially if they were male...the low-cut gown would be hard to explain). I wish I still had that picture of the fake MandoHack in the gown. =( My Angelfire or Tripod or whatever it was account got deleted because I forgot and used it to hold a picture of something I was selling on EBay and they considered that comertial use of the site.

[Dru Lee Parsec]

OK, I thought my gig from hell had won with the fact that I had to pay a cover charge to go back into the club to pick up our own money.

But then I read about the guy who had a woman die during their gig. You win dude!

Here's a story from a gig where I was a listener, not a player.

A buddy of mine, Jerry, was playing keyboards ina jazz band. His sax player couldn't make it so he found a kid in the college jazz band to fill in. This kid was great. I tell ya, that kid could sight read bug splatters on a windshield. He played his heart out and the whole band was doing great.

Not only was the kid reading Jerry's charts on sight, but the light on his music stand was flickering on and off. During the break Jerry was fixing the light on the music stand for him. As he's doing this an older woman (the phrase "little old lady" comes to mind) sat down in front of Jerry. Her chair was also right in front of the PA speaker. This conversation ensued:

Little Old Lady (LOL): Young man, do you play your music loudly?
Jerry: No ma'am. Not too loud.
LOL: Because I don't like loud music
Jerry [still trying to fix the light]: Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
LOL: Sometimes I go to see a band play and they play so loud that it just sounds like noise.
Jerry [getting a bit frustrated]: Well we don't play that loudly. But you might want to move away from the speaker if you think it would bother you.
LOL: As long as you don't play too loudly. I just don't understand why so many bands have to play so loud. You don't play that loud do you?

About this time Jerry has had about enough of this. His response was:

"Lady, you probably chew your food louder than we play. So why don't you move away from the damn speaker?"

She got up and left. We all had a great laugh. She's probably telling all her friends about "that rude electrician who was working on the lights".