Driving back through the Heartland

I'm flying out To Omaha Neebrasky tomorrow & picking up a "Classic" Dodge Ramcharger & driving it home to Texas. I will be going through Kansas City. Any "Decent" BBQ joints on the outskirts of KC. As a Texan & BBQ "Gourmet" you must realize the word "decent" is being quite complimentary in BBQ lingo. For as we all know.......Texas is the undisputed epicenter of the BBQ universe. I have heard rumbling of edible fair in Kansas City ....& since I'm passing through I thought I "might" try some........... #http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[BenE]

Dale....I think the McRib is back on the menu http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Locals might give you a better choice but when I was passing through I stopped at the KC Masterpiece restaurant. #

It tastes just like the bottled stuff http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/blues.gif

[Brookside]

Well pardner, I live in Kansas City and unfortunately I am driving south to Ozark County tomorrow. Were I not I would be obliged to personally direct your attention to the authentic BBQ we have here. I'm afraid I cannot think of a place that serves that stuff on a shingle you Texans are so fond of. Still, you may find one of the following choices palatable:

Arthur Bryant's at the Ameristar Casino

Gates Bar-B-Q in Independence, KCKS, KCMO

Zarda Bar-B-Q in Lenexa and Overland Park

Smoke Stack at sevaral locations, and one of the best!

Get used to BBQ sauce, something you Texans are too lean on. Yall think you smoke a piece of meat and it's done. If you can't find anything good at one of those places then we don't need your kind around these parts anyhow. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

Thanks Brookside!

Note to self: Kansas BBQ is slathered in sauce, either wear dark or sauce colored shirt on return trip....

[Jim M.]

I love barbecue and I've had it in KC, Arkansas, Texas, Memphis, North Carolina, and, of course, Oakland, California, which has the best http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif .

Are you driving or flying through KC? Last time I flew through KC, I found out that the airport is a fur piece from good 'cue.

Here's a place where you can read about KC BBQ all you want:
http://www.gasbbq.net/reviews.htm

And don't forget to try the BBQ lamb ribs at Gates, Dale. Almost as good as armadillo.

[Bill James]

Good BBQ in Kansas City Ha! Ha! Ha! Now that's funny...April fools I get it!!

Hey Dale, watch your P's and Q's when passing through Olathe. Not that I would know, but one wrong move in that town and it's four days in a jail cell. They really know how to "generate" revenue. Wink-wink.

[pickinNgrinnin]

Hey Dale-

Check out this site:

http://gasbbq.net/

I've been involved with this group since it started. Check out the reviews. If you find one you like, let me know and I'll give you some directions! It would be fun to meet you somewhere for lunch but I'll be out of town tomorrow.

You will find that KC is the BBQ epicenter!


Jeff

[Brookside]

Not that I would know, but one wrong move in that town and it's four days in a jail cell. They really know how to "generate" revenue. Wink-wink.
Well pardon us for having law and order. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

The Filling Station definately deserves mention. If you arrive during the lunch hour you will find the place packed with yuppies trying not to soil their suits. Just hollar, "somebody's Beamer is gettin towed!" That ought to clear the place.

I'll be driving through Saturday afternoon - evening.

Hey Dale which route you taking back home? Maybe we could hook up for a Non-American mando tasting.....hehe didn't think so.....KC does have some good eats though....







Dennis Benjamin
European Mandos etc...

[Undercover Brother]

The folks who organized a conference I went to a few years ago suggested some places for authentic KCBBQ.
I thought the best one was Arthur Bryant's.
I just happen to still have the matchbook! (I knew there had to be a reason for keeping it!)
1727 Brooklyn, Kansas City, MO (816) 231-1123.
It was darn good.
Even by Atlanta Georgia standards. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

Chris

Coming into KC on interstate 29, heading south on 69 plum to the Garden spot of Oklahoma......."Miami"........I'm about 1/2 way home at that point. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[PCypert]

Dale,
Might be out of your way, but drive fast to Abilen, TX. Joe Allen's, Perinni's, Square's, etc. Can't beat it. Worth driving hungry and a few hundred miles out of your way.
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[BenE]

Joe Allens is pretty good eats! I sort of like Harolds better!

[J. Mark Lane]

I can't even believe that this discussion is taking place. What a travesty. Barbeque in Kansas City? Who are you trying to kid?

There might (I stress might) be decent barbeque in South Carolina, maybe Georgia. There may be some in East Tennessee. Perhaps Southern Virgnia. But all of those places have decent barbeque, if at all, only because of their proximity to the focal point of all barbeque -- High Point, North Carolina.

People from the Carolinas know what barbeque is. People from Kansas don't even know where Dorothy is. Why, I've heard some such people refer to barbeque as if it were a verb <shivers>.

Of course, now that I think about it, it figures that a guy from Texas is asking this absurd question. Texans think barbeque is big chunks of beef cooked in a half-rotted tomato-based "sauce." (Good grief.)

So, Dale... ya'll go ahead and pass through KC, and have ya'll some "barbeque"... and if you ever get out to North Carolina, you let me know, and (assuming people don't just shoot you for having Texas plates) I'll make sure you have a proper culinary experience.

Mark

Thank You J Mark! I gotta admitt that I've never been to a proper North Carolina pig picking complete with that regions pathetic vinegary ketchup sauce.........Did you say Georgia?...they have the highest roadkill consumption per capita of any state rumor has it. We eat roadkill here in Texas, but only what we run over ourselves. It's called road hunting down here #http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[prairiewind]

Dale,

What's your schedule in Omaha. I'm in the west part of town, but nothing is too far apart in this town. BTW, if you swing around the east side of KC, LC's is a great BBQ place on the Blue Parkway about a mile east of 435.

I get into Omaha Friday night about 10:00pm. Will be heading out Saturday around noon.

[Ted Eschliman]

We eat roadkill here in Texas, but only what we run over ourselves.I heard that somewhere.
I also heard it takes two for a proper Texas BBQ. One to prepare the meat, the other to watch for cars...

We got some good BBQ here in Georgia but the best is at Jack's BBQ in Nashville and at Moonlight BBQ in Owensboro Ky. MMMMMMmmmMMMM

Oh yeah we got road kills..hehe.. Believe it or not in one week I hit a Wild Turkey, a old crow, and a squirrel with my car driving to work. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

Jacks in Nashville?.......canned green beans & macaroni & cheese sides......GAK.

Well, what should I expect out of a guy that took me to a joint that didn't even have chicken fried steak on the menu.......

[jaybee]

Dale et al; good luck finding decent BBQ outside Texas. If any you folks find yourself in Georgetown Texas, stop into Dukes Smokehouse on the south side of town. Tell Darren (owner) that you know me and he'll charge you double. NOw there's a deal. Serious good BBQ though.

Oh Dale you just got Jacks on a slow day... We don't put jelepenos on our BBQ over here..hehe

I hear Dales Den in Alabama is great.. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

Yea, things are a bit different in Texas. We use jalapeno peppers for baby pacifiers down here. We wean our young'ns on chicken fried steak & cream gravy. Chili is an art form & pork....well pork is a breakfast meat & not a main course. Those yankee chain restaurants (the few brave enough to enter Texas) are still trying to convince us pork can be served for lunch & dinner. We got wild hogs running everywhere here, it's kinda like eating possum....why would someone pay for it? Gotta say if I'm going to eat in a neighboring state......Louisiana wins hands down....those folks know how to cook!

[J. Mark Lane]

What the hell is "chicken fried steak"? Is that steak that was fried by chickens? Or is "chickens" just another word for Texans?

[prairiewind]

J. Mark Lane,

For some reason I have the urge to refer to you as "Franky"... must be my age. I've worked around drillers and rough necks for some time, and they call chicken fried steak... lunch.

Ah......I sense sour grapes from our dear friend J. Mark. Seems he never quite recovered from being the second place bidder on our recent art auction....... Come to Texas for a visit J. Mark. I'll take you out to eat a great "chicken fried steak" & you can pretend to be a Texan for a day. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Jim Roberts]

Dale: # When you're done jammin' yer arteries and lickin' yer chops from all that great BBQ at Arthur Bryants, you may want to stop by the Cardiac Rehab Unit at University of Kansas Medical Center...it's supposed to be a great one!

Kidding aside, enjoy your visit to K.C.

Cheers.

MMMMmmM. Chicken fried steak. Our Chicken fried steak down here in Gorja is cube steak breaded and fried...MMMMMmmmMM

[Scott Tichenor]

Dale: # When you're done jammin' yer arteries and lickin' yer chops from all that great BBQ at Arthur Bryants, you may want to stop by the Cardiac Rehab Unit at University of Kansas Medical Center...it's supposed to be a great one!

Kidding aside, enjoy your visit to K.C.

Cheers.
Yea, if you do, call 8-7337. You'll be about 200 yards from my office. When you driving through KC? If it's around noon tomorrow or Monday or so I work less than five miles from Arthur Bryant's, the world's most famous BBQ restaurant.

[prairiewind]

Marevick,

I never said said drillers or rough necks were gourmets... or even human. I just said they like their chicken fried steak.

Dang, wish I could of made this trip during the week!

[prairiewind]

Dale,

Arthur Bryant's is not only good, but the original is easy to find. From I-29 turn east on I-70 and take the first off-ramp south... last summer construction work made me detour one exit east. It was easy to find my way back to Brooklyn St. And if you have the time, the Negro Leagues baseball museum and the jazz museum are close and worth the time to visit.

[Jaded]

I used to live in KC and currently live in North Carolina. There seemed to be a bbq place on about every corner in KC and most of em are pretty good...however as much as I hate to admit it, at risk to my own personal welfare should my neighbors catch wind of this...

I prefer a Texas style bbq. BBQ sauce should be red and spicy ;)

[Billy Mack]

Dale - If you are going through Miami, save your appetite for some real BBQ. OK has better eats than KC or TX.

eat mo possum, keep the hiways clean

[Brookside]

If you do go to the Arthur Bryant's on Brooklyn, don't stray off the path too far. Folks around there don't see many Dodge Ramcharger driving Texans running around. Don't get me wrong, they are good folks, but one of you is libel to scare the other.

As far as North Carolina having anything that resembles BBQ...pffftt. It may come as a shock to hear that an esential element of BBQ is a cow or pig. We've had more of them come through this town than North Carolina has ever seen. We keep the good ones and send the rest to folks like you.

And for the geographically challenged, most of the good BBQ in this town is in the great state of Missouri, not Kansas. Kansas City, Missouri is the heart and soul of the greater metro area. Kansas City, Kansas is, uh... what it is I guess.

"And for the geographically challenged, most of the good BBQ in this town is in the great state of Missouri, not Kansas. #Kansas City, Missouri is the heart and soul of the greater metro area. #Kansas City, Kansas is, uh... what it is I guess. "

That's interesting, Imagine ...two different groups of settlers, lost on that nameless prarie. Both naming their towns Kansas City......I guess their wagons broke down & they just said "to hell with it" & stayed where they were.

I've heard a similar story about Oklahoma.....The only reason anybody is there is car trouble....... http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Jim Roberts]

Speaking of Missouri, I've heard that if the toothbrush had been invented anyplace else besides Missouri, it would have been called the teethbrush...and make sure your mandolins are in a well protected case and wear a kidney belt when driving through Missouri, Dale, as they have the nation's worst highways and interstates. #They do have some great music festivals, however, in the State from time to time.

Cheers.

[cutbait2]

bbq in Texas, what Texas? BBQ is made best in SOUTH CAROLINA. slow cooked til it falls from the bone and the sauce is cooked in. in NC they od do but then they but slaw on it. why? poor ignorant souls if only they were better cooks. i've heard they do a mean brisket in texas but why go way out there why its perfect here? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[cutbait2]

obviously spell check is not our strong point however

They put slaw ON the BBQ.........GAK!

I seem to recall being in Illinois once & ordering a chicken fried steak (they had it on the menu)......They brought it to the table floating in brown gravy.........heatherns!

[Brookside]

Speaking of Missouri, I've heard that if the toothbrush had been invented anyplace else besides Missouri, it would have been called the teethbrush...
At least it occurred to us to brush the one we got.

[Jim Roberts]

Brookside: #True or false...Missourians that are lucky enough to have more than one tooth (every other tooth)use ski rope for dental floss? #Guess old mandolin strings would work, too!

[J. Mark Lane]

obviously spell check is not our strong point however
Well, the educational system never was that good in South Carolina....

So...

There was this big smelly pit with a big ugly pig in it. And there was this contest to see who could stay in there the longest.

So, first a person from Missouri goes in (not sure what you call such hapless people). He stays for about ten minutes, and comes up hurling.

Second, a guy from South Carolina goes in. After fifteen minutes, he comes up sick as a dog.

Third, a guy from Texas goes in. After three minutes the pig comes out squealing in horror.

Yours etc.

Mark

Ha..........Haha..........Hahaha.................. ........

Come on, surely you can do better than that! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[J. Mark Lane]

I wanted to make sure it was something you could understand.

J Mark, go out & treat yourself to a pair of nice boots (not those pointy toed cockroach killing Yankee kind). A nice hat & some wranglers.....you'll feel alot better & one of those Northerners might mistake you for a Texan, or better yet a "Texas Lawyer".........But then you would need a good crewcab truck to go with your new look!

[J. Mark Lane]

Hey, I already own three pair of Lucchese's. Quite nice, they are. Got them at the Lucchese shop in San Antonio. I even have one of those silly ties made from string.

Yeppur, I've spent some time in Texas. And your "Texas lawyers" will not soon forget me, either. Read all about it, if you dare, in the book "Substantial Evidence," by Bill Hubbard (available on amazon <G>). (Short version: I sort of ruined their day.)

All in good fun, of course. I love Texas. Where else can you date a gorgeous blonde who drives a pickup truck and carries a .38 (just in case her husband comes around)?

[Givensman]

Dale,
Why do most of those broke down vehicles in Oklahoma have Texas licence plates?
And, a, oh yeh, do you happen to have the tab or an MP3 for "Ride 'em Cowboys"? If not, maybe Scott does.

[Jim Roberts]

If you go to the Lucchese Boot factory in El Paso they have a store there with "seconds" boots...boots that are flawed but the untrained eye cannot catch. #You can get a pair of the nicest most comfortable boots in the world there, both pointy toe and rounded toe. #I prefer the mid-cut roper. #And, while your in the El Paso area, you can drive forty-five minutes to the north and hook up with with Steve Smith (a super creative mandolin teacher and player) in Las Cruces and jam 'til your fingers hurt and then drive a bit further to the north to Caballo and go buy an Old Wave mandolin from Bill Bussman!

[BenE]

All this BBQ talk has got me worked up! #I think I'm going here for lunch Whole Hog Cafe (http://www.wholehogcafe.com/)
Notice the awards section on the website.....
Memphis-in-May World Championship
First Place Whole Hog
Second Place Ribs
That's the big one folks!

I knew there was some reason I always liked Ole J. Mark.......he's just dang near a Texan himself! I guess Lawyers are kinda like modern gunfighters.....J. Mark, do you always pick a seat where you are facing the door? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[J. Mark Lane]

LOL! Yeah, and I make sure at least one of my clients is between me and any windows or doors. (I also make sure they've paid their bill before going out at all.)

Gotta head out........If your between Omaha & Texas Saturday & see a Black Ramcharger coming up in your rearview mirror.....pull over & let me by!

[BenE]

Drive safe Dale....Give us the full BBQ report on Monday!

[Tom C]

All those places sound great for BBQ. I would never eat Italian food again in the central or midwest.

[Russ(String-Alley)]

Us poor NYC' folks "ain't got nuthin' " send some BBQ our way! please.....

hell I'd settle for a new bolo tie.
hey anyone know any shops other than sheplers that do mail order?
cheer all
Russ

[Scott Tichenor]

Ah, discussions about ribs. Good thing it's all music related. Heh, heh. I thought food might be the topic of discussion out here in which case I would of had to delete the entire topic because that's not mandolin related. Of course who would start something like repeatedly anyway? Here's some ribs on my new Brentrup F that's under construction at the moment.

[Scott Tichenor]

and...

Hey Scott....what top wood did you go with? Seems to me i remember something about Mr. B. saving a nice bearclaw w/your name on it....

[justwrite]

Dale,

I wish I'd read this thread sooner. I'd have recommended you forego the barbecue, and if your stomach could hold out until you got to Tulsa, to eat at one of the excellent Lebanese steak houses here. It's sort of an Okie culture clash that worked out well. At Jamil's or the Silver Flame, you first get appetizers like hummous and tabouli, then delicious cabbage rolls and grilled ribs and balogna. This is all before you get your salad. Then, the steaks are wonderful! I say this as someone who lived in West Texas for eight years and knows a good steak when she tastes one. Sounds a little weird, I know, but when we left West Texas my husband vainly searched for a Zentners-quality steak in Austin and Dallas and never found one that compared until we moved to Tulsa.

[psann]

I am currently in Texas at Bass lake. Thanks to this thread whetting my appetite I will head to Jakes for a BBQ tonite. However, last week I ate at Dave's BBQ in Kansas City. It was excellent.

Pat

www.perceptionsinwatercolor.com

[J. Mark Lane]

Just like that Tichenor character to hijack a perfectly good thread and put a bunch of off topic pictures up. Not only that, but (typical midwesterner) he thinks barbeque is about ribs. Good grief.

Oh, and NYC ain't all dry. My Mom brings up barbeque from Stamey's in Greensboro every time she visits. <g> (I fly her up frequently.)

Mark

[delsbrother]

Gotta head out........If your between Omaha & Texas Saturday & see a Black Ramcharger coming up in your rearview mirror.....pull over & let me by!
440?

440?.......I wish, it's an 85 4X4 w/360 & 14,000 original miles. So much for my BBQ excursion. I pulled out of Omaha NE at 9:00am Saturday & pulled into the driveway at 11:00 pm last night. KC was a traffic snarled nightmare due to road repairs. I took a "really stupid" route through Oklahoma..........ARGH! Very happy with the Ramcharger though, it is "mint"..........I'm getting to old for these drives though.........ugh!

Here it is after a wash job......I'm worn out..(note mando content) http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

Dale how many miles to a gallon does that thing get?? hehe http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif Did you run over in Okies?

Our Georgia Tech boys just gave them Okies a good spanking to.. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[delsbrother]

Sweet! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Mandobar]

scott!

your own brentrup! how exciting!

i'd drive across the heartland for that anyday.

"Dale how many miles to a gallon does that thing get??"

Mav, there are somethings a feller is better off not knowing...... http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

I DO KNOW that filling it up took $50............EeeeYow!

Very nice Dale.....good to hear you made it back safely and i do know there is enough room for at least a three piece in the back of that ride. Like the black too..

[pickinNgrinnin]

Hey Dale-

Get some lock out front hubs and you might be able to improve the mpg. I think most of the Ramchargers had full time 4WD.
FT 4WD = less than whippy mpg. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[Coy Wylie]

Sweet! I had a lot of fun in Ramcharger like that back in the 80's.

This truck is destined for life as more of a display piece or "trailer Queen"..........She's a very rare bird in this near mint condition & totally original. 14,000 miles on a 19 year old truck.......amazing! I think it needs to go to a Barret Jackson Auto Auction or a Mopar rally.

[Michael Lewis]

All right Dale, where's the report on the BBQ? I'm beginning to think you just got all jazzed up thinking about your 'new' ram charger and didn't stop for nuthin' but gas.

Michael, You nailed it....I just drove & drove & drove. KC traffic was such a mess I just wanted out of there. I gotta admit that my glance of Omaha was interesting & I wouldn't mind returning to that area when I've got more time to spare. What was a hoot was watching the scenery turn from winter to spring during the trip.

[J. Mark Lane]

Dale, that's not a truck. Trucks have the letters "F-O-R-D" on the front and back.

[Don Grieser]

Send us the photo after you get those bull horns mounted on the hood. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[Brookside]

Prolly for the best you didn't stop in KC. A fella who can't handle a little traffic has no business trying to tackle a man-sized plate of KC BBQ. Next time we'll arrange for one of those little cars with the flashing lights and flags to escort you through.

Glad you made it back safe. That's a nice looking...car I guess it is? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Hah, I had to be careful not to make a greasy spot out of those rice burners running around KC.......your average import is no more than a speed bump to that Ramcharger.

Uh...do folks in that area live in real homes?.......I've never seen so many cookie cutter developements & apartments in my life?

[mandofiddle]

Uh...do folks in that area live in real homes?.......I've never seen so many cookie cutter developements & apartments in my life?
LOL, you ever been to the Denver area (suburbs)? Talk about cookie cutters...

I noticed a sign out front of one development "Homes Starting in the $120's"...........Hahahaha. Little ole 2 story masonite sided things........That's the modern American dream I guess, a home, Nissan mini van in the drive & Wal Mart riding mower................ # http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[mandofiddle]

Yeah, only in Denver, the sign would have said "Home's starting in the $300's" for the exact same thing.

[Brookside]

Uh...do folks in that area live in real homes?.......I've never seen so many cookie cutter developements & apartments in my life?
Now there's a shot at KC you won't catch me defending against, except to say you are mostly refering to north of the river and Johnson County Kansas. Rest assured, there is a small oasis of real homes in the greater metro area. It's a neighborhood called Brookside. (go figure) My beautifully restored (by me I might add) home was built in 1927, back when they knew how to build. 25 years ago, Johnson County was just wheat fields. Those homes are just the latest cash crop.

[duuuude]

So when ya postn' a pick of the truck, Dale? http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif

Done did.........go back a page.

[GVD]

Dale ....I just drove & drove & drove. KC traffic was such a mess I just wanted out of there.

KC traffic a mess? Who'd a thunk it! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

I have to drive through there every couple of weeks but luckily some of the locals sent me the following rules which have helped a lot.

Kansas City Traffic Rules

1. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Kansas City has its own version of traffic rules. There's no book about them. You've just got to get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.

2. If you missed the sign that warned you that you are crossing the state line from KS into MO, potholes have been placed every 25 feet in random lanes as a gentle reminder to just STOP, get the alcohol, and get back to Kansas.

3. All directions start with, "Go down Metcalf..." because you DO NOT want to get on I-35.

4. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".

5. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30pm to 7:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from KC. #You may only apply your brakes when the end of the yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "burnt-orange" hue.

7. Just remember that I-435 becomes east, west, north, AND south. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

8. If moisture is determined to be rain, not sweat,
all traffic must immediately cease; ditto for daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

9. Construction on I-35 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!

10. Many bizarre and wonderful sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh yeah, we're in Missouri!!"

11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.

13. Understand that the 95 pound woman driving the Ford Excursion (the largest vehicle ever produced) absolutely MUST come To a complete stop, then proceed at 2 mph over any railroad track. This vehicle was built to invade small countries, and she's worried about the railroad tracks!! #Keep in mind that she's also completely unaware of the ends of her vehicle (since they're in different zip codes) and is highly likely to run you off the road while trying to talk to someone on her cell phone. It is safer to try to beat an Amtrak train to the RR crossing than to get in her blind spot.

14. One word: "SUV" Buy one, wash it, cover it with a gold package but, whatever you do, don't ever let it touch anything but asphalt!

15. The drivers of the above-mentioned vehicles also have a legal right to turn right from a left lane or to turn left from a right lane. It is believed that these vehicles do not come equipped with turn signals.

16. White haired men driving red or silver sports cars will not obey any known traffic rule and cannot be expected to stop for red lights or stop signs. These men will only be in this area until they're made aware of the law that says you must move to Colorado or Florida if
you're old but still want to act young. Traffic is bad enough without some old fogey slowing everyone down by refusing to go faster than the accepted 85 mph.

17. If you really want to fit in here, buy a cell phone and learn to drive with your knees while reading the paper. Whatever you do, don't put on your turn signal as this will only cause traffic near you to speed up and block you off.

GVD

[garyblanchard]

I noticed a sign out front of one development "Homes Starting in the $120's"...........Hahahaha. Little ole 2 story masonite sided things........That's the modern American dream I guess, a home, Nissan mini van in the drive & Wal Mart riding mower................ # http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif
You forgot the Pac Rim mando... http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

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