Does your significant other like your playing?

[Kid Charlemagne]

So often on here, I've read about how "my wife hates my playing, and makes me practice in the garage, or the crawlspace, or the doghouse." #How about a nicer experience?

Back in December of last year, I was visiting my folks for Christmas, and ran into a girl from my high school class (ten year reunion is this year - it's been a while). #We hit it off, got together New Year's Eve, and had a lot of fun.

It's a long distance thing (New Orleans to Charlotte), so I've been up to see her once, and she's been down here twice.

Funny thing is, the first time I was at her place, I noticed a familiar shaped case in the living room.

She already knew I played (since I travel with a good chunk of my gear, so I can play with my brothers when I'm visiting them).

"Is that...?"

"It's a mandolin," she smiled. #"I bought it back in college when I thought I wanted to learn to play, but never got around to it."

I opened the case, and took out a really nice Mid-Mo flat top. #She bought it back when the company was pretty new, and for a beginner instrument, it's not bad at all. I plucked the A strings. #They were almost completely in tune, as was the rest of the instrument. Odd, considering that the strings hadn't been changed. Ever.

I tuned it by ear the rest of the way up, and played a few notes on it. #Not bad for an instrument that hasn't been played in several years. Action's a little high, and the tone is a little brittle, but that'll smooth out.

She offered it to me, but I told her I'd rather she hung onto it, in case she decided she wanted to try again. Besides, I have my Bussmann, and I wouldn't want to play anything else.

Anyway, that was about six months ago.

Three weeks ago, I visited her again. #She was already talking about wanting to start playing again, and one of our errands was to hit a local store and pick up a tuning fork and some picks for her. #She had already gotten a Mel Bay beginner book. Then, a couple days after I got back, she called me.

"Guess what I'm doing," she said.

"I've got no id..." I started, and then realized I heard familiar sounds in the background.

"I'm practicing," she told me. #I could tell she was smiling when she said it.

Three days ago, she called me from that same music store, asking my opinion on which chromatic tuner to get.

Several times, now, she's called me while she was playing, and actually cut a conversation short because she wanted to go practice. I'm wishing now that I had kept my Chris Thile instructional DVD, and may pick up another one to give to her. She liked Nickel Creek a lot when she saw them with me at Jazz Fest.

Anyway, I'm wondering: are any of you in the same sort of situation? #Does your significant other (girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, whatever) not only like your playing, but actually want to join in?

[fredfrank]

I hope she likes my playing, she's the guitar player in our band!

[tnpathfinder]

My wife is super supportive. She always has the right response when I show her something I have figured out. She still bounces to cripple creek when I butcher it for the thousandth time.

[John Flynn]

Well, my wife always talked wistfully about a dulcimer her Dad was going to build for her, but never did. So I built her one in secret and surprised her with it at Christmas. I even got her an instructor and all the accessories. She was delighted and she did give it a try, but alas, she did not stick with it for very long.

This is off topic, but one thing that occurs to me is that there are a lot of people, spouses and others, who say they would love to play an instrument. Often they say they would, but it wouldn't work because they "have a tin ear," they "aren't talented in that way," or "they are too old." I believe that anyone who is not legally deaf does not have a tin ear. They may not give themselves permission to truly listen. I think everyone who likes to listen to music potentially has some musical talent, enough to play something. I think age may play a part, but it is never too late. I see examples all the time.

Playing music is more about desire, determination and self-confidence than it is about any inate ability. All of us on this site should really pat ourselves on the back for having a measure of those things. Really.

It really is great when you find out that your spouse has those things too.
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Ken Sager]

I'm a lucky man. My wife encourages me to play more. She comes to most of my shows, begs me to take her to festivals, doesn't mind it when I show up with a new mandolin (yet anyway, we'll see what happens tonight...), loves it when friends come over to pick, and keeps encouraging me to finish recording an album of originals.

So, yeah, I guess she likes my playing.

[Nick Triesch]

No. My wife hates it. So do my kids. They say it sounds like "DEEK,DEEK,DEEK,DEEK." They say really bad without a guitar. So I found a recording of me playing and they were right. It does sound bad. Mandolins are kind of like a uke. You either love them or hate them. DEEK! Nick:)

[good_ol_al_61]

I guess I'm one of the most fortunate persons around.

I've been married to my wife for 18 years and she encourages me to do anything I wish. She cleans my golf clubs and tells me to go golfing about twice a month. I join a bowling league to spend time with my brother and she arranges gal time with my brother's wife. I buy a new mando and she asks "what special about this one?" When I want to go out of state to a festival she asks, "how many days should I pack for?" She has never asked things like..."how much did this cost" or "we can't afford that" or "I want something for me next time".

So whenever she does ask for something (and it is rare that she does) she gets it immediately. Beyond all that, I'm still her hero.

Man, I'm Blessssssed!!

[mandodebbie]

There was a thread like this one before...and I still don't have a man! Boohoo, nobody wants Mandodebbie! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sad.gif

[John Flynn]

mandodebbie:

I got the perfect guy for ya. My good buddy. Tall, handsome, bright, funny, athelete, airline pilot, guitar player. But he keeps dating gals that are no good for him. He needs to be rescued by a lady mando player!

[csstanley]

Mine's the one that bought ir for me.

She's a singer so she enjoy's having somebody that can play a little for her.

[floyd floar]

Mandolins are kind like a uke[QUOTE] What!@#? don't even go there Mandocat. Anyway, Wish I could answer in the affirmative. If I'm noodling unplugged on a eletric guitar or mandolin in another room , my bride of nearly 28 yrs will tell me it's too loud and annoying. Use an amplifier w/o headphones? Fergit it, jack. If I'm Flatpicking Bluegrass, she'll say something like "Oh I really love classical guitar", which I don't play. She's a beautiful lady and she loves music but she has never understood my obsessive compulsion or need for chops improvement. The irony of it all is that like the beloved mandolin, she's from Italy!
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/laugh.gif

[Jasper]

My wife is standing here and she says she likes my playing (poor thing is apparently deaf to some degree). Only thing she doesn't like is when I take out my frustrations by hammering on chop chords real loud or playing the high strings hard and fast. Other than that, she is very supportive and is currently learning to play the guitar so I will have a regular playing partner.:D

[bones12]

I have been married for a long time to a wife who loves good music- both playing and listening. She tolerates a house full of mandos, Cds, 78s AND she has her big 3/4 bass in the corner for her to play. I am very lucky she likes old time tunes, bands, etc. She knows the beauty of music. Doug

[Ken Sager]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that my wife is also learning the bass so she can play along. Tonight, for the first time, she played a mandolin with me. I've shown her a few chords so we picked easy three chord fiddle tunes. She backed me on on rhythm while I picked a couple melodies. She loved it. It looks like I'll be buying one just for her soon.

[metalmandolin]

My wife Missy comes to every show that she can. I believe she'd support me anyway; she seems to be wired that way. I am glad she likes my music, though!

[arbarnhart]

My early answer was "no support at all", but my wife just reluctantly agreed that I could get a $200 mando to play instead of the $40 one that somebody gave the kids and I have been borrowing. She is a musician (excellent singer, good flute player, fair piano) but uses her talents almost exclusively in the choir and isn't as interested in the frivilous social music. It's a frustration. If I get the kids playing with me, I hope to get her involved also.

It's odd; when we met 17 years ago, music was a common interest. I played piano and guitar, neither very well but poth passable (could perform with practice, but not jam) - it was always more of a tinkering hobby while she sang semi-prefessionally (did paid wedding gigs often). I think it is a turf thing. I have always played the part of the budding apprentice even though my musical knowledge and instrument proficiency was roughly the same. I am trying to get really good at the mando and it threatens the perception.

[swampstomper]

My wife likes my playing especially since I got a nice mando with a good tone (she encouraged me to buy it, saying life was short...) and changed my grip to a fist (after 30 years of pencil). My teenagers don't come right out and say it, but I think they like my playing but say that everything comes out sounding like Bill Monroe (I wish!) even if it's a Jethro tune or gypsy. When I try to plug the mando in and jam with them on Nirvana tunes they draw the line...

[Jackie Walters]

My husband Bob is a hoot about me playing mandolin. The only thing he can play is the radio. He's always been supportive, especially now that I play in a bluegrass gospel group. He never complains if I have to have 2 practices in the same week and he's stuck home with the kids..or if sometimes I get alittle behind in housework because we have to go play somewhere..I think he understands playing music for any musician is part of who they are..it's in the blood. I feel blessed to have a husband who gets just as excited as I do, when I get a call from a church or where ever to come and play...Our group is 3 of us women all in our mid 40's. One plays the stand up bass, the other guitar and myself on mandolin. We play mostly gospel..with a few in between. I just love it..God is so good....
Angelfire

[Kid Charlemagne]

The girl I posted about is incredibly supportive of my playing. She actually asked me to drag out my violin, which I haven't played regularly in a while, to play for her. She likes it when I play the guitar. She keeps making statements like, "I'll never be as good as you," and I keep reminding her that everyone has to start somewhere.

I only wish I lived closer to her so that I could actually teach her a little bit. The fun thing about her is that she's really into learning to play. I had a lot of fun with her one night over the phone, teaching her to play the first part of Fisher's Hornpipe: "Okay, now play the open A. Then, first finger on the second fret. Now, 2nd on fourth fret..." and so on.

Here's another question: how many of you whose SOs like your playing got into it before you were involved, and how many got into it after you met each other and/or were married/living together?


Mando Johnny noted:
This is off topic, but one thing that occurs to me is that there are a lot of people, spouses and others, who say they would love to play an instrument. Often they say they would, but it wouldn't work because they "have a tin ear," they "aren't talented in that way," or "they are too old." I believe that anyone who is not legally deaf does not have a tin ear. They may not give themselves permission to truly listen. I think everyone who likes to listen to music potentially has some musical talent, enough to play something. I think age may play a part, but it is never too late. I see examples all the time.

Playing music is more about desire, determination and self-confidence than it is about any inate ability. All of us on this site should really pat ourselves on the back for having a measure of those things. Really.

I don't think that's really off topic at all. #There's a tendency for people our age and older (okay, I don't really know how old you are, Johnny - I'm 28, though) to think that they're too set in their ways to be able to learn an instrument. #I think there's certainly a practical aspect that comes into play - it's hard to find the time to do something like that when you're also working a full-time job, or going to school, or whatever - but insofar as being "capable" of picking up an instrument, you're absolutely right. #While some of us may never become Thile, it's certainly possible to get good enough to enjoy playing.

[swampstomper]

For the first "date" I had with my wife I invited her to listen to the family BG band I was in back then... playing a flat Kalamazoo mandolin that sounded like... nothing actually. It didn't seem to scare her off or else she saw something else in me...

[ira]

i'm still stuck on the'Mando is like a uke" thing...
wow, if i knew that i could've saved alot of money buying a uke instead.

[bratsche]

I believe that anyone who is not legally deaf does not have a tin ear. They may not give themselves permission to truly listen. I think everyone who likes to listen to music potentially has some musical talent, enough to play something.

You've obviously never met someone who is truly tone deaf. Signs of tone deafness include not being able to differentiate one pitch from another within the same general range, as well as the inability to sing, whistle or hum a tune remotely close to correctly, even when the person knows all the words to every verse of the song in question. #

Such people do exist - and they may even love to listen to (some) music, and do so frequently. I am married to a tone deaf guy. In retrospect, I think my mother might very well have been tone-deaf as well, though it has been many years since she passed away during my adolescence. As I recall, she seemed to exhibit many of the traits that my husband does.

bratsche

[mandodebbie]

Mando Johnny..let me guess. Your tall, good looking guitar playing friend is ON PAROLE from the State Corectional Institution! http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[legendarytones]

Well heck yea my wife just loves for me to play. She being a good Scotch-Irish girl whose grandaddy thumb-cocked a pretty mean banjer. Back when she was a slim young lass, she could really flatfoot as good as I've ever seen. I just love her more everyday. Been together now for 27 years.

[8ch(pl)]

I don't think she does.

[Jack Roberts]

She does.

[8ch(pl)]

Not mine, maybe yours.

[B. T. Walker]

No. And she's my ex-wife now.:p

[357mag]

My wife tolerates it so far. But im a beginner....So if I progress past the two finger chord stage, she will tolerate it better. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Hondo]

Like my playing? She seems to, though I truly don't know why. My wife was a professional, classically trained musician. I said was, because she quit playing six years ago. Severe burn-out. I, on the other hand, am a hack who managed to get through the first 25 years of our relationship without learning the first thing about music. Oh, I could bang on a guitar, but I really knew nothing about rhythm, chord construction, timing, etc. Had other things to do. But about eighteen months ago she found a cheap mandolin for me and told me to buy it (I'd been making noise about learning how to play). So I did. And a few months after that we were in New York and she forced me (well, it didn't take much arm twisting) to go to Mandolin Brothers, and when I fell for a Mid-Mo, told me to buy the darned thing (she didn't, I must admit, tell me to buy the F-2 I also fell for). Then she encouraged me to take lessons, and for the past year has been, in conjunction with my mando instructor, my music coach. Without her encouragement and help, I would not be nearly as proficient (which isn't saying much) as I am. Shoot, I wouldn't even own a mando. And MAS? She occasionally asks if I need to get a better instrument. Yes, I say, but not until I can play the two I have. But when the day comes that I feel my ability rates a better mandolin (I've been lusting after an Old Wave), I have no doubt that she will support my purchase - last month we were in Santa Fe, and she asked if we needed to set a day aside to visit that Old Wave guy...(We didn't, but that day is coming). http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[otterly2k]

My partner and I were initially attracted to eachother's creativity. Her writing, my music. At the time, I was playing guitar, not mando... but I was (am) pretty good.
17 years later, and we are still each supporting and encouraging each others' creativity.

Sometimes she gets lonely b/c writing is so solitary, and I get to be social with my musical exploits...so she envies that sometimes. But she loves and is amazed by my musicianship as much as I am by her writing. She appreciates the music... has less patience for the endless discussions of different mandos and gear, etc. So she's happy that I have other friends to discuss that with.

KE

[Keith Erickson]

Last night my better half was having trouble falling a sleep. Usually when this happens, I play Mandolin very softly and then she's out like a light. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/sleepy.gif

I posted this back on May 28th, 2005:


Well I don't know where to begin to describe how lucky I am. My fiancé is my best friend and she has been totally supportive of my mandolin passion from the very beginning of our courtship.

Did I ever tell you how beautiful she is?

In fact before we started dating, she had heard that I was playing the mandolin in our church choir and she told me that she thought it was cool.

Interesting point to note.....

...I spent years playing guitar in hard rock & heavy metal trying to pick up chicks.

...It just took a little maturity, a hair cut, clean clothes and playing mandolin with the church choir to get the girl of my dreams.

We are to be married Thanksgiving Week at the church where we met.

I guess I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

What more could I say?

[fatt-dad]

So, I'm playing my mandolin and my daughter (sitting next to Mom) says, "did Daddy play the mandolin when you both met" (20 seconds earlier they were both telling me to be quiet). Mom says, "well not every day". I show them both my "Mandolin Fakebook", signed and dated by my-them fiance - a Valentines Gift 1987! Ha.

No, my wife and daughter don't like the mandolin. But it's better than the bottle of scotch and the cigarettes. Not quite sure whether it's cheaper though. . . . .

f-d

[Ray Neuman]

I, as well, am very blessed to have a not only understanding wife, but very supportive. She has survived (barely) though my learning fiddle, mandolin, banjo, and a host of electric (sorry for the foul language) guitars. In 1985 she had a guitar commissioned for me that remains my muse instrument.

She has been there for opinions, critiques, a thousand replays of Arkansas traveler and remains convinced I play well. She even allowed me to put out my a couple of my instruments from hooks in the living room for easer access.

She is my hero, best friend, supporter, fan club and a DARN good taco maker. Hard to view life as anything beyond a well scripted dream. All of my 4 children had been just as supportive...(0k, well, the opening days of fiddle were a bit rough).

the far too blessed professir

[Dave Caulkins]

I'm among the fortunate, my wife has played music as long as I have (since we were both around 9-10 yrs old... My first was Alto Sax, her's was Accordian). I've been a wee bit more dilegent, or something, and she wandered from instrument to instrument.

We played together in a garage band during our days on electric/acoustic guitar (me) and electric bass (the wife). She played (in order after accordian): mandolin (yep, she did it first), concertina, bass, and now fiddle. She also plays a bit of flute from her stint in a college Woodwind type class.

She doesn't have MAS (or is it VAS?), and can only somewhat understand it. She tells me which ones to keep, which ones to sell though. She won't even let me consider selling my Vega or getting rid of all my guitars (I think she likes my guitar playing better and we don't even talk about the Flatiron A52 she played on, heh! I'm happy that one has made the long haul... It's my primary gigging mando).

She makes fun of my Grisman and jazz picks. She doesn't care for my choice of strings (Thomistiks or flatwound whatevers). She thought my Rigel A+ was lacking in character as much as she liked the fretboard. She loved my old bass, which I should have held onto (a '83 Koa Mockingbird... I like metal still). She wouldn't let me use a pick on it.

Our latest thang is learning Western Swing as we both have a jazz background, but the 'cutting contest' that alot of jazz players engage in was a bit overwhelming.

In short, its good to have a musician wife - especially since we're older and mellower now (it used to cause friction in our younger days, its hard to be in a band and a relationship sometimes. We've started to play together again).

Deek! Deek! forever!

Dave

[LaVonne]

My husband does not like my playing, guitar or mandolin but he does like to complain so I figure I’m doing him a favor by giving him something to whine about.

One of the cats loves my playing and frequently snuggles up next to me when I practice.

[Chip Booth]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that my wife is also learning the bass so she can play along. Tonight, for the first time, she played a mandolin with me. I've shown her a few chords so we picked easy three chord fiddle tunes. She backed me on on rhythm while I picked a couple melodies. She loved it. It looks like I'll be buying one just for her soon.
Hey Ken, buy her that cool old beat up blackface teens A oval hole at IGB. #That thing looked like a used dog toy but sounded great!

[duuuude]

Two years ago: "It's so nice to come home and hear a mandolin playing."

Today: "Every time I come home you're playing that mandolin!"
http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Mando4Life]

My wife likes it when I play, although lately it hasn't been that often. She told me the other night that "that song really sounds cool, your mandolin sounds really cool when you play that song" (Get Up John)...I smiled and said "well it's tuned different than usual.." and she replied "you should play it that way more often..". I swear I couldn't tell if she was joking or not (she's a long time flute/piccolo player), just went back to playing...

WBL

[danman]

I've played professionally for 30 years. I've been married to my wife for 24 of those years. I am still married. He is numb to it all. She wants me to be happy, but if I were to hang it up and sell everything tommorrow, I dont think she would show a preferene one way or the other.

[garyblanchard]

Mandolin is Carol's second favorite instrument for me to play, after the guitar. I wasn't sure how she would react when I got my first mandolin, but she loved from the first time she heard it.

As for the banjo, she tolerates it. She likes my banjo playing more than most others because I have it set up for a mellower tone and I play softly. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Michael H Geimer]

The dobro player in my group has been with his S.O. for 17yrs. She's a musician and initially hired him for her act ... and seduced him in the process!

Billy told me to make sure I don't make the mistake of falling for someone who doesn't play ... as she would never really understand.

My current GF is an opera singer herself, though she's not very active these days. She really does get it, and even values that part of my brain that needs to wander go off and introvert and just play ... for hours and hours.

Oddly, she is such a perfectionist about her own work that she has yet to sing for me. She wants it to be 100% perfect, you see. I'm not pushing.

OTOH, she praises me for my willingness to put myself at risk performing songs that aren't wholly arranged and practiced.

In the end, I really don't think I could ever stay with someone who didn't value me as a musician ... that'd be like only wanting half of me, and I'm not interested in being pulled apart that way.

RE: Tone Deafness. I'm with Bratsche ... some people don't have the ability to distinguish pitch and/or rhythm with enough detail to really learn an instrument. I have a close friend whom I truly believe is tone deaf ... but I don't have the heart to tell him.

In my industry (Color Correction) it is fairly common to take a tint test. These tests isolate small increments of color and help diagnose weak areas of color perception. Almost everyone has some weak ranges, and for folks in the trade it is helpful to know what color ranges you can and cannot see.

I suspect the same could be said of pitch and rhythm, but I have no test to offer.

- Benig

[Steve Davis]

My wife hates mandolin music but likes it that it gets me out of the house.

[keymandoguy]

My wife says she likes my playing but keeps sayin ( WHY DO YOU NEED ANOTHER MANDOLIN ) ? I only have 3 http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/mandosmiley.gif

[kyblue]

mandodebbie:

I got the perfect guy for ya. My good buddy. Tall, handsome, bright, funny, athelete, airline pilot, guitar player. But he keeps dating gals that are no good for him. He needs to be rescued by a lady mando player!


Mandodebbie: If you don't want him, can I have him?

http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[mando_toss_flycoon]

My wife says "If you play that thing a little closer to the window, I'll help you out."

Just kidding -- she actually seems to enjoy my musical adventures. http://www.mandolincafe.net/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/tounge.gif

[LilCreekster]

My hubby is exremely supportive of my playing and loves it when I play. Though he hates it when I practice chop chords hahaha.

I have a nice Martin guitar I keep hoping he will someday be interested in playing... I think we'd have so much fun!!

[elenbrandt-redux]

My hooseband unit has no problem with my devotion to all things with 8 strings -- and I don't mind his bicycle addiction. We "co" each other.

My law partner's wife had the best observation on such things...Her husband collects all manner of guitars and plays a lot at home. When I asked her if she minded his avocation -- she replied, "Well now, I always know where he is...."

[Steve Davis]

My wife dislikes mandolin music but likes the fact that it gets me out of the house for jams a couple of times a month. Otherwise there must be very low volume and closed doors between us.

[maidofclay]

My husband is very supportive and excited that I want to play an instrument...any instrument. He is a long time, and well rounded musician, and after much hint dropping on my part,he bought me a mandolin as a gift for my birthday. He has always been supportive of my obsessions, and I love having live music in our home. It was his love of playing that inspired me to want to play. I am a visual artist by trade and I'm enjoying having someone to explore this side of my creative spirit. I love the thought that I can share in his passion while developing my own as well.

[Songbird]

My gf is a musician as well (plays guitar and sings too well lol) and so we always try to encourage each other. It's literally a dream come true to have a gf who plays music.